OK, so, pregnancy is still without a doubt the most beautiful thing i have ever put myself through, and i know that this tiny person will be worth every single ache and pain that will be put my way. I also know that there are a lot of ladies out there who have terrible pregnancies, with sickness and pain from the word go, and have much more reason to grumble than myself. I wouldn't change being pregnant for the world, but certain aspects of it have become a little tiresome over the past couple of weeks, so i am going to allow myself this one blog post to be a little more negative than my usual posts, just to get some things off of my chest.
So, i am 27 weeks today, some sources tell me that i have now entered the third trimester, some say that isn't for another week, so that's all a little confusing.
Over the past two weeks i have had a new problem to face, i have developed quite intense RLS (Restless Leg Syndrome). Its the weirdest thing to try to describe. It starts off with just the urge to stretch my limbs (a similar feeling to when you first wake up), not at all painful. The feeling then gets more intense and more uncomfortable and takes over my legs, arms, hands and shoulders. All of these muscles begin to feel tickley, then achy then tight, almost like they are all having individual contractions, and cramping. Literally the only thing that stops the pain is to move. Then, as soon as i stop the pain returns. Its the most frustrating thing in the world, especially as it happens mainly in the evenings, when I'm tired and wanting to sleep. I feel so exhausted, i am just not sleeping at all, and when i do, its not good quality deep sleep as I'm waking up every few minutes in pain and trying to get comfortable. The past few nights have had the exact same pattern, me in tears throughout the night, midnight walks round the block, 2am baths and 4am dancing and yoga sessions whilst talking to the cat downstairs. Adams been amazing. He's walked with me and cuddled me and rubbed my back, and hasn't gotten at all frustrated with the amount of tears he's had to put up with.
It worries me slightly though, I'm off work on holiday at the moment, and I'm wearing myself out. But at least while I'm off, when i can sleep and get exhausted in the early afternoon i can just lay down and try and get an hours rest where ever possible. When i go back to work next week its going to be so hard, to have around 2 hours sleep per night, and then have to get up and face a full day at work is going to prove difficult I'm sure. I just don't want to end up feeling shattered by the time the baby comes. Also, i have read that RLS can last for approximately 4 weeks after birth, this scares me immensely as i know that once the baby is here, i will need every precious second of sleep i can get.
On the rare occasion that i don't suffer with RLS in an evening, there always seems to be something to disrupt my sleep now, but i guess that's just part and parcel of the last trimester. Being woken 12-14 times a night by frequent toilet trips, immense thirst, leaking breasts, leg cramps, itching skin and backache is no ones idea of a good night in. Before pregnancy, if i woke up in the night with cramp in my legs, i would do one of two things, reach down and pull my foot backwards, or leap out of bed and stretch it out. Neither of these things are even remotely possible for me now, my feet have never felt so far away and i practically need a crane to get out of bed, and certainly cant do it at any speed!
I'm not the kind of person who insists they need their 7.5 hours per night in order to survive, i can wake at 7am on my days off and quite happily plod on with the day, but i think 2-3 hours a night would prove a little tough even on the liveliest of people.
I'm visiting the hospital again today, in fact, i will probably be there for the majority of the afternoon, as i have physio at 1, and my measurements with the midwife at 3. I'm going to mention the RLS at physio and hope that there is something they can suggest. We are then off for a couple of days at Norfolk with my dad, which i am so excited about. We can take Button to the seaside!
This blog post has probably not even been worth writing, i am even wondering whether to post it at all. I really don't want to seem like iv got a negative outlook on everything, i know some people would give anything to have what i have right now. I wanted it for long enough myself. No matter how bad things feel at any particular point, and how far away 13 weeks can feel when your sat in a bath at 3am with only a cat for company, there isn't a second that goes by when i don't know (be it deep down at times) how truly lucky i am.
The main purpose of today's blog was to help me shake my grumpiness of a bad night off, and be able to enjoy my day with my wriggling tummy and wonderful husband, and i feel that i have achieved that.
Every time i feel those little wiggles, everything just melts away and nothing else matters. One little kick makes every ache, pain, cramp and craving completely and utterly worth it, and every sleepless night is one closer to spending sleepless nights with my little pumpkin!
Apologies once again for the rant.
Love love love xxxx
Showing posts with label tears. Show all posts
Showing posts with label tears. Show all posts
Wednesday, June 1, 2011
Tuesday, January 11, 2011
Bad day :(
Today has been a bad day, literally from setting off this morning its been no fun. I started the day feeling pretty chuffed with myself, as i got up in plenty of time to wash and dry my hair, iron my uniform and pack myself a lunch. I had a stroll to the bus stop with plenty of time to spare. Looking back, i don't know how i managed to get through the journey, the sickness was almost unbarable. As i was about to step off the bus, it jolted down (as if to let a pushchair on), this is normally done as a gentle release, but it was one sudden jerking movement which sent me flying. My bags went flying and i hit the concrete flat on. I lay there for a second, confused, blood was dripping out of my mouth and i could feel the scuffs on my knees and chin, the only thing i could think was 'have i hurt my baby'. Nobody even offered me a hand, or picked my bags up, people just walked straight by. I got up, shaking, and didn't even acknowledge the blood, i walked in a daze clutching onto my tummy praying i hadn't done any important damage. After a few minutes i had a quick drink of water to rinse away the blood in my mouth, and went into Subway. There i went into the toilet to check i had all of my teeth, and gave my chin and my knees a little wipe. I wanted to cry, i felt like a child. It wasn't the pain of the grazes, it was the fear of what i could have done, and the shock that nobody was willing to help me. I trembled into work and stumbled over words trying to ask Shawna for an antiseptic wipe. She looked puzzled at me and asked me what id done to my chin. I just burst into tears. She took me round the back and sat me down, cleaned me up and got me a drink of water. What a lovely start to the day.
Work was manic today, every time i turned round we had a new que of patients at the front desk. It was a pretty stressful day, and i found myself counting down the hours until i could go home. We were 30 minutes late leaving due to a late dispense, which convinced me i had missed my lift home with Amber. When we finally got out, i rushed round to D&A and luckily for me everyone had been held behind there too. I nipped into MacDonald's while i waited and got a drink and some chips for us both, as i felt weak with hunger. Amber soon came out and we set off for the car. As we got outside the Swan pub in the town centre, we saw a man on the floor and a girl screaming for help knelt beside him, the man was bleeding quite badly, had had a fit and was foaming at the mouth. There was a girl in a nearby telephone box already on the phone to the ambulance service. We rushed over, both of us froze for a moment as we panicked and went blank. We got the man into the recovery position and i checked his airways. We cushioned his head and i began to talk loudly to him. The girl in the phone box was getting upset and struggling to talk to the operator, as she knew the man, so i ran over to take over for her. Amber stood at the entrance to the phone box and shouted questions and instructions at the girls as the woman talked me through everything. We stayed on the phone until we saw the blue flashing light Amber went out and waved the ambulance over, and they started seeing to the man. We hung around for a few seconds and then made our way back to the car. Adrenaline pumping through both of us. Since getting home, all i can bare to do is sleep. Its pretty frustrating for me as there's so much i want to do, but i can barely keep my eyes open. Adams been fantastic. I told him to let me sleep for 20 minutes before waking me up to start dinner. I woke up over an hour later to find that he has cleaned the whole kitchen and is doing dinner himself (home made shepherds pie ) :)
I feel really bad for him though, he is ending up doing all the work because I'm almost to exhausted to hold my own head up. I have felt really rough since waking up. Been violently sick upstairs and I'm aching everywhere. I actually feel ill rather than pregnant tonight. But i have got my appetite back a little bit after smelling the yummy dinner that's being cooked for me as i type :)
I love my Adam, he's a fantastic husband and has been such great help to me throughout this pregnancy. I just hope he isn't getting fed up with all the work he's been doing, I'm hoping the exhaustion wont last to much longer, and I'll be back to my energetic self, able to really start working hard around our beautiful house.
Lets hope tomorrow is a better day!
Love always xxxx
Work was manic today, every time i turned round we had a new que of patients at the front desk. It was a pretty stressful day, and i found myself counting down the hours until i could go home. We were 30 minutes late leaving due to a late dispense, which convinced me i had missed my lift home with Amber. When we finally got out, i rushed round to D&A and luckily for me everyone had been held behind there too. I nipped into MacDonald's while i waited and got a drink and some chips for us both, as i felt weak with hunger. Amber soon came out and we set off for the car. As we got outside the Swan pub in the town centre, we saw a man on the floor and a girl screaming for help knelt beside him, the man was bleeding quite badly, had had a fit and was foaming at the mouth. There was a girl in a nearby telephone box already on the phone to the ambulance service. We rushed over, both of us froze for a moment as we panicked and went blank. We got the man into the recovery position and i checked his airways. We cushioned his head and i began to talk loudly to him. The girl in the phone box was getting upset and struggling to talk to the operator, as she knew the man, so i ran over to take over for her. Amber stood at the entrance to the phone box and shouted questions and instructions at the girls as the woman talked me through everything. We stayed on the phone until we saw the blue flashing light Amber went out and waved the ambulance over, and they started seeing to the man. We hung around for a few seconds and then made our way back to the car. Adrenaline pumping through both of us. Since getting home, all i can bare to do is sleep. Its pretty frustrating for me as there's so much i want to do, but i can barely keep my eyes open. Adams been fantastic. I told him to let me sleep for 20 minutes before waking me up to start dinner. I woke up over an hour later to find that he has cleaned the whole kitchen and is doing dinner himself (home made shepherds pie ) :)
I feel really bad for him though, he is ending up doing all the work because I'm almost to exhausted to hold my own head up. I have felt really rough since waking up. Been violently sick upstairs and I'm aching everywhere. I actually feel ill rather than pregnant tonight. But i have got my appetite back a little bit after smelling the yummy dinner that's being cooked for me as i type :)
I love my Adam, he's a fantastic husband and has been such great help to me throughout this pregnancy. I just hope he isn't getting fed up with all the work he's been doing, I'm hoping the exhaustion wont last to much longer, and I'll be back to my energetic self, able to really start working hard around our beautiful house.
Lets hope tomorrow is a better day!
Love always xxxx
Monday, January 10, 2011
The first big moment!
Well to say how hyped up I'd got myself about this mornings scan, i came out a little disappointed! :(
I had prepared myself for not seeing a great deal, as i am aware that Button is very tiny, but to be honest, i barely saw anything at all.
I actually managed a reasonable nights sleep last night, although i did wake up occasionally with sickening butterflies dancing around inside me, but not a bad night all in all.
I felt sick all the way to the hospital, literally dizzy with questions spinning in my head, but seeing Adams pure excitement made me feel a lot better.
By the time they finally took me in for my scan, i was bursting for a wee, so the cold jelly and pressing on my bladder almost proved to much. The radiographer worried me a little at first, i was trying to look on the screen, and she said "put your head back, I'll show you when i manage to see anything myself'". This made my head spin and the next few moments feel like a lifetime. Did she think there could be nothing to find? What if there was no baby?? I had to literally fight back the tears at this point. Finally she turned the screen. She showed up a fairly large grey area that was the pregnancy sac (ugh that word makes me feel sick), and a tiny white dot at the side (BUTTON!! :') ) I was trying to turn to see it properly without knocking her off of me, i so desperately wanted to see. I saw the little white spec for a mere second and she moved it. She told us that there was a good heartbeat, that button is in exactly the right place, and everything is going as it should be. I felt relieved but so disappointed at the same time, i really hoped to see more.
I thought, maybe i would see better on the photo, when i could look at it from a decent angle for as long as i needed, but we didn't even get one. It was all a bit of a rush, but now, looking back, I'm really quite upset that we didn't get a picture. Even though its probably that there wasn't a lot to see, that picture would have taken pride of place in my living room until a clearer one comes along. I don't like the fact that we have no record of the first time we've ever seen our baby :(
We then got taken back into another room to finish off the appointment with a finishing consultation, where they told me that the reason for my size is that I'm carrying a lot of water, which is apparently fine, and will sort itself out. It just means that i have to lug around a load of extra weight for longer.
Had a terrible journey home on the bus tonight, i literally had to sit doing breathing exercises to stop myself from being sick. Someone today suggested taking little cartons of apple juice to sip on, that certainly sounds like a plan i don't mind trying!
There's a programme on tonight called 'One born every minute' which gives detailed accounts of different women during labour. I have never yet had the guts to watch this, and don't know whether it would do me any favours or totally freak me out, so please comment with your opinions!
On a very happy note, I'm finding it rather exciting to see how many people are actually reading this blog! Sometimes i feel a little daft, as though I'm sat babbling on to myself, but seeing that i am flying through HUNDREDS of page views, spreading right across the world makes it so exciting. Its nice to know that people are following our little story :) I'm absolutely LOVING writing it!
Please feel free to write any comments of questions.
Love to all!
Xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
I had prepared myself for not seeing a great deal, as i am aware that Button is very tiny, but to be honest, i barely saw anything at all.
I actually managed a reasonable nights sleep last night, although i did wake up occasionally with sickening butterflies dancing around inside me, but not a bad night all in all.
I felt sick all the way to the hospital, literally dizzy with questions spinning in my head, but seeing Adams pure excitement made me feel a lot better.
By the time they finally took me in for my scan, i was bursting for a wee, so the cold jelly and pressing on my bladder almost proved to much. The radiographer worried me a little at first, i was trying to look on the screen, and she said "put your head back, I'll show you when i manage to see anything myself'". This made my head spin and the next few moments feel like a lifetime. Did she think there could be nothing to find? What if there was no baby?? I had to literally fight back the tears at this point. Finally she turned the screen. She showed up a fairly large grey area that was the pregnancy sac (ugh that word makes me feel sick), and a tiny white dot at the side (BUTTON!! :') ) I was trying to turn to see it properly without knocking her off of me, i so desperately wanted to see. I saw the little white spec for a mere second and she moved it. She told us that there was a good heartbeat, that button is in exactly the right place, and everything is going as it should be. I felt relieved but so disappointed at the same time, i really hoped to see more.
I thought, maybe i would see better on the photo, when i could look at it from a decent angle for as long as i needed, but we didn't even get one. It was all a bit of a rush, but now, looking back, I'm really quite upset that we didn't get a picture. Even though its probably that there wasn't a lot to see, that picture would have taken pride of place in my living room until a clearer one comes along. I don't like the fact that we have no record of the first time we've ever seen our baby :(
We then got taken back into another room to finish off the appointment with a finishing consultation, where they told me that the reason for my size is that I'm carrying a lot of water, which is apparently fine, and will sort itself out. It just means that i have to lug around a load of extra weight for longer.
Had a terrible journey home on the bus tonight, i literally had to sit doing breathing exercises to stop myself from being sick. Someone today suggested taking little cartons of apple juice to sip on, that certainly sounds like a plan i don't mind trying!
There's a programme on tonight called 'One born every minute' which gives detailed accounts of different women during labour. I have never yet had the guts to watch this, and don't know whether it would do me any favours or totally freak me out, so please comment with your opinions!
On a very happy note, I'm finding it rather exciting to see how many people are actually reading this blog! Sometimes i feel a little daft, as though I'm sat babbling on to myself, but seeing that i am flying through HUNDREDS of page views, spreading right across the world makes it so exciting. Its nice to know that people are following our little story :) I'm absolutely LOVING writing it!
Please feel free to write any comments of questions.
Love to all!
Xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
Sunday, January 9, 2011
Apple Juice Apple Juice Apple Juice :/
Well, my four Litres of Apple Juice have gone in a couple of days. I cant actually believe how strongly I'm craving it, iv always been more of an Orange Juice kinda girl! I wouldn't actually be surprised if button came out a bit greenish!
Well, nerves are running high about tomorrows scan, i didn't get a great deal of sleep last night, so god help me tonight! Adams really excited about it, he's talked about it loads.
Just found out that i had my wires crossed a little though, apparently we wont HEAR Buttons heartbeat, but we might see it as a little flicker on the screen. That will still be amazing though so I'm very excited. I just wish i could calm my nerves over the whole thing. Iv got so many questions whizzing round my head that I'm hoping tomorrow will answer.
Gotta try and keep my cool the next couple of weeks too. Iv got some big things coming up at work that iv been stressing myself about for the past few months. I have to be assessed in order to pass my course and get the pay rise that we so desperately could do with now. But i just tend to turn to jelly when i know I'm being watched, or when questions are fired at me. I really don't feel like I'm going to pass, at all, and i think I'll be lucky if i get through the two days without bursting into tears, but to be honest, i just want it to be over now. The thought of not having to worry about it anymore feels like heaven, so I'll do my best and keep my fingers crossed.
Going to try and get some work don't today. There is so much to be done around the house, but iv been so exhausted. I hate just sitting here, seeing how much there is to do though. I just need to find the energy to crack on with it.
I was hoping to get some carpet for baby's room while the sales are on. I don't see this as a 'baby buy' that could be unlucky, we were wanting to decorate anyway. Pregnant or not, we need new carpets :p
The past couple of days iv been embarrassingly emotional. I actually sat and cried for about half an hour yesterday morning, because i felt 'alone' :/ I then watched a few episodes of Eastenders, and cried at that. Then when Adam came home we watched Toy Story 3, and i SOBBED at that! And i just generally feel like i could burst into tears at any time. Its not that I'm sad. Not at all. I'm still over the moon and loving every second, i guess its just hormones, maybe mixed with paranoia.
Anyway, I'll pop back on later for another short blog (maybe in the middle of the night when i cant sleep).
Love always xxxxxxxx
Well, nerves are running high about tomorrows scan, i didn't get a great deal of sleep last night, so god help me tonight! Adams really excited about it, he's talked about it loads.
Just found out that i had my wires crossed a little though, apparently we wont HEAR Buttons heartbeat, but we might see it as a little flicker on the screen. That will still be amazing though so I'm very excited. I just wish i could calm my nerves over the whole thing. Iv got so many questions whizzing round my head that I'm hoping tomorrow will answer.
Gotta try and keep my cool the next couple of weeks too. Iv got some big things coming up at work that iv been stressing myself about for the past few months. I have to be assessed in order to pass my course and get the pay rise that we so desperately could do with now. But i just tend to turn to jelly when i know I'm being watched, or when questions are fired at me. I really don't feel like I'm going to pass, at all, and i think I'll be lucky if i get through the two days without bursting into tears, but to be honest, i just want it to be over now. The thought of not having to worry about it anymore feels like heaven, so I'll do my best and keep my fingers crossed.
Going to try and get some work don't today. There is so much to be done around the house, but iv been so exhausted. I hate just sitting here, seeing how much there is to do though. I just need to find the energy to crack on with it.
I was hoping to get some carpet for baby's room while the sales are on. I don't see this as a 'baby buy' that could be unlucky, we were wanting to decorate anyway. Pregnant or not, we need new carpets :p
The past couple of days iv been embarrassingly emotional. I actually sat and cried for about half an hour yesterday morning, because i felt 'alone' :/ I then watched a few episodes of Eastenders, and cried at that. Then when Adam came home we watched Toy Story 3, and i SOBBED at that! And i just generally feel like i could burst into tears at any time. Its not that I'm sad. Not at all. I'm still over the moon and loving every second, i guess its just hormones, maybe mixed with paranoia.
Anyway, I'll pop back on later for another short blog (maybe in the middle of the night when i cant sleep).
Love always xxxxxxxx
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