Squishy.. The Birth Story. Part One.

Its taking me so long to write this birth story, i have decided to do it in two parts. So here is your first instalment....

In the couple of weeks leading up to my due date, i had several episodes of Braxton hicks, which was really frustrating as there were several occasions where i convinced myself it may be show time.  Sleep, once again became a thing of the past and i was getting increasingly uncomfortable. I spent most nights in the bath, as i did when pregnant with Izzy, as i was in so much pain with my legs and back. I began to get pretty fed up, praying i wasn’t in for another 13-day-late-induction sort of birth.

These photos were taken in July 2011 (right hand side)

 at 31+4, with Izzy. July 2013 on the left at 38+3 with Squishy.

Exactly a week before Squishys due date, i had a funny turn, which was pretty frightening. I was sitting on my birthing ball,watching telly with a little table with the laptop in front of me.  I was just chatting to a couple of friends on facebook, feeling absolutely fine one minute. All of a sudden i just went incredibly confused, normally i can type really quickly without even looking. Suddenly i was spelling everything wrong, unable to type properly and just generally writing a load of rubbish. I posted about 4 things on facebook which made absolutely no sense, but i couldn’t even figure out how to delete them. I wrote a quick message blaming the computer, then shut the lid of the laptop down and tried to snap out of it. Minutes later i lost my vision, i could just see colours, completely fuzzy and blurred, i then began to panic. Izzy was having a particularly unsettled night, and Adam had been in her room trying to get her to sleep for about an hour. It had only just seemed to go quiet so i really didn’t want to burst in and set her off again. Within minutes i lost the feeling in my arms and legs and so was completely petrified by this point. I staggered round the house, confused and in a mad panic, searching for my phone.

Unable to find it, i decided my only option was to go in to Adam. I opened the door to Izzys room and mumbled at Adam through the tears. He passed me his phone and asked what was wrong. I told him i just felt really ill but that i was going to ring my mum, so he should continue to concentrate on Izzy. I wobbled my way back down the stairs, and was now so confused i couldn’t even figure out how to dial my mums number. Eventually i managed to get hold of her. She immediately told me to call the emergency doctor, which i did. By now i was crying almost hysterically.

Adam came back downstairs with Izzy, worried and trying to figure out what on earth was going on, as i’d been absolutely fine the last time he saw me.

The people at the emergency centre said they needed to get help to me asap and that i needed to keep talking to them. They said that an ambulance and paramedics were on their way and that i would more than likely end up in hospital. I was still far from organised with my hospital bag, so attempted to rush round and grab a few bits.

Minutes later, my Sister Abi, and brother in law, Paul turned up. My mum had rung them and said i needed help, knowing that as they only live around the corner, they could be here within minutes.

The paramedic turned up first, he was doing a few basic health checks when we saw the blue flashing lights coming down the street. The ambulance arrived with two further paramedics. Abi and Paul gathered a few bits together for Izzy, and took her back to their house, as it was clear by now that we were going to be heading for hospital.

Once we got to the hospital, they attached me to all the monitors, and came and took more blood. I was having really strong Braxton hicks by this point, which the doctors were picking up on the monitors. They decided to examine me, and i was 1cm dilated. The midwife gave me a sweep and they decided  to keep me in, because of the contractions and because a lot of my symptoms were signs of preeclampsia. It was an awful night in hospital, i was contracting all night until 6am, and then it all just stopped. They let me go home at around 11am, when my mum came to fetch me.

I had some incredibly sad news a couple of weeks before Squishy was due. One of my old singing teachers, Miss Cook, had passed away. She was a huge part of my life for many years and a massive inspiration to me. She taught me so much and will always have a special place in my heart. There was an afternoon of dedications to her on the radio, and tributes were made in the local newspapers etc. She changed the lives of so many girls and my heart aches whenever i think about her passing.

Miss Cooks funeral was going to be on Monday 22^nd July (two days after my due date) so i knew i wasn’t going to make it, as i didn’t want to risk causing drama by my waters breaking while i was there or something, plus i didn’t have childcare for Izzy. I was absolutely gutted to be missing my chance to say goodbye to the lady who had such an impact on my life. This photo was taken in China, just after we had won two gold medals in the world Choral Olympics.

My due date came and went, and i started to prepare myself for it ending as an induction again. We had a lovely day out at a charity fayre on the Sunday (day after due date). Adam, Izzy and I, with my mum and step dad joining us for a while too. We did loads of walking, which i knew would help to get the little lady moving.

That night, like so many before it, became a pretty restless one. I laid in bed chatting to my sister in law, Kelly, on facebook.  We started saying how we would just love my waters to break, so we would know for a fact that it’s the real deal. No uncertainty. That conversation ended at 23:48 and i attempted to get some sleep. I think i finally nodded off at about 12:30.

At 1:15 i was woken up by a little ‘trickle’. I jumped out of bed, wondering if this could be it. It was such a tiny amount, i was really unsure. My waters had gone ‘Hollywood style’ with Izzy, so this didn’t seem to be anything in comparison, but my heart was pounding, and i so so hoped it was the start.

I woke Adam up and told him i thought my waters had broken, his reply was ‘They wont have’, and he rolled over to go back to sleep! Charming! I gave him a little shake, and stood there trembling for about ten minutes trying to decide what to do. When i’d been in hospital the week before, they told me to ring as soon as my waters broke. I was so unsure, i didn’t want to look silly, ringing if id actually just slightly wet the bed or something, but i decided to ring anyway, just to be sure. I walked down the two flights of stairs to get to my hospital bag which was waiting by the front door. (This was Squishys bag, mine was still incomplete). I got my pregnancy notes out and dialled for the midwife. I explained i was really unsure whether it was anything or not, and that i felt really silly. The midwife was lovely and told me not to feel daft. She said for me to keep really active, get on my ball and walk about lots to see if i lost any more water. She also told me to put a pad on, so that i could check the colour of the water (as it had been mainly blood with Izzy). She instructed me to ringer her back in an hours time and tell her how i was.

By the time i got back up to the top floor of the house, i had more water steadily trickling down my legs. I knew at this point that it was the real thing. I felt a sudden rush of panic for what i knew i was about to go through. I had a few tears, and a little shakey moment in the bathroom, then managed to quickly pull myself together. I rang the midwife back and told her that i was now sure it was my waters, and she told me to leave it around 45 minutes, (as she already had three ladies to look after) and then set off for the hospital so that they could check me over. I rang my mum at around 1:55am and told her that things were starting, but that she probably wouldn’t be needed for quite a while, as i wasn’t having any pains yet. I then rang Abi to tell her that we’d be dropping Isabelle of in about half an hours time.

Then the mad panic began, i was rushing round the house, still trickling water everywhere, desperately trying to get the last few bits together for my hospital bag. Adam went into the kitchen to get me a couple of pairs of clean leggings, as it was clear i was going to need them. As he got into the kitchen, a moth which was literally the size of my hand span came in, so he spent a good ten minutes dashing around the kitchen in his pants, chasing a moth with a spatula! That was certainly a moment i wont ever forget.

Finally, we were ready to leave for the hospital...

Both of these photos were taken one day after my due date. Izzy on the left, Squishy on the right. What a difference in bump size! It's hard to believe i carried Izzy for a further 12 days after this photo was taken!

A very tough week!

This post is probably going to be completely opposite to the last. I had been feeling soo positive, and things we're going so well. How fast things can change...

In my last post i mention my battle with trying to get Isabelle's new medication down her. We managed it eventually. She was on it Friday, Saturday and Sunday, by Monday i stopped giving it to her. It was supposed to stop her being sick, and she was being more sick, she was screaming in pain, waking through the nights and she had terrible diarrhea. I hated seeing her so poorly, so as we were at the hospital on Wednesday anyway, i decided to stop it until i had spoken to them.

Monday was probably one of the worst days so far, in fact, i honestly struggled to get through the day. She was screaming in pain constantly and i couldn't do anything for her. I tried rocking her, singing to her (which normally always calms her down) pacing the house with her, letting her lay down, sit up, everything. It was awful, in the end i just sat and cried with her.
She's been taking less than half her recommended amount in feeds and she's so sick I'm sure most of what she does take comes back up. Her weight really is becoming a worry now, which is another reason why i stopped that medication. If her weights already dipping dramatically, the last thing we want is for her to have diarrhea as well as her sickness.

Tuesday was a much better day, but we were out and about a fair amount which probably helped. We got the bus into town in the morning, as i had arranged a meeting about my return to work. This had been a hot topic for us throughout the week, as we did many sums and tried to work out what would work out for the best. It was a depressing discovery. I worked out that for the number of hours per week i wanted to work, i would earn around £141.17 a week. I then looked into childcare, and to cover those hours with a childminder would cost us around £100 a week! Which would mean id be leaving my baby girl with a stranger, for 22 hours a week (3 hours included for the traveling to take her and fetch her) for £41.17! Another way i saw this, is its like me working my 19 hours for £2.16 an hour, It seems crazy. We then had a couple of offers from family for looking after her.
The hours we arranged for me to work are: All day Tuesday, All day Wednesday, and 12:30-5:30 on a Friday. My mums day off is Tuesday, so she's going to have her then. My sisters day off is Wednesday, she's volunteered to do that, so its only Fridays we need to sort. So 6 hours of childcare to find, which will make life much easier for us. I also have to work the occasional Saturday. When i work a Saturday i wont be working one of either the Tuesday or the Wednesday, which means my mum and Abi will at least get a break every now and then. I feel much better about going back to work since i had this meeting. I know there will be a lot of support there for me and i think I'll actually enjoy it!
I also feel 100% better knowing that for the majority of the time, Isabelle will be being looked after by family, who know all of her special little requirements and will look after her with the same love that we do.
I'm beginning to think a nursery for 6 hours on a Friday might be quite good for Isabelle too. As long as we find a very good one who we can trust do get all her medications right and know all of her allergies i think it'll do her good. She'll be around other children, and when she comes to the age where she has to go to nursery, she'll be more used to it. I have just rung a nursery and Adam and i are going to view it this afternoon :)
So my first day back at work is officially Friday 20th April!

On Wednesday we had Isabelle's hospital appointment. They had a good look at her and checked her weight charts and i explained all of my concerns. To cut a long story short, it turns out she was still reacting to even the prescribed milk that she was on, so they have changed that as well as putting her on another new medication, which (touch wood) we are managing OK with so far. I was very brave and gathered the courage to ask for a second opinion this time, as i really have had enough of seeing her so poorly and its dragged on for so long now. In the end i saw three doctors, who all said the same thing.. so I'm feeling quite confident this time. Isabelle has now had one full day on the new milk, which was yesterday and during the whole day she had 19oz! Which makes a nice change to the usual 12-13 she was having before.. so things are looking up. She is, however, still being incredibly sick, but i guess the medication can take time to get working.

I am still bleeding, its been over two weeks now! I spoke to the hospital this morning and my operation is now on the 8th March! Which is 7 whole weeks away! So it will be the 19th April (ish) before I'm back to my normal self :( I cant believe they are leaving me that long. The thought of being in pain for all those weeks makes me feel so down :(



Love love love xx

9 weeks old!

I can't believe how long it's been since i last posted! To be honest though there isn't a lot to say at the moment. I imagine this will be the point where i sadly lose many of my readers, as this blog will pretty much have just turned into a mum going on and on about how much she loves her baby. I have enjoyed every second of writing this blog. I never in a million years would have imagined how popular it would become!

Isabelle is now bottle fed all the time. The change in her has been amazing. She's been so much more settled, and even slept for several hours through the night! She now has medications 10 times a day and is generally a lot happier! Over the past few days she has taken a slight step backwards though, she seems to be in a bit of pain again after feeds, and isn't quite as settled as she has been! We're back at the hospital in a couple of weeks so I'm going to mention everything. They have said she may need to go on slightly stronger medication if she's still suffering.

She really is growing up so much! She tries to hold on to things now, and has a favourite bunny :) She smiles and giggles all the time, but especially when you tell her how pretty she is! She makes little noises all the time and sometimes sounds like she's singing. She's getting lots stronger too, and hardly stays still! She's definitely trying to hold her head up! She's at the age where we can really play with her now. We sing songs with her and read books, she loves to look at the pictures.

I'm trying to speak to her in french, as well as English as much as possible, and i also sign to her a lot too. Some of my family are french, and my cousins we're brought up with their mum speaking French, and their dad speaking English. The oldest of these cousins has just gone to University, and is fluent in French, English, Spanish and Japanese!

Its my sisters wedding this weekend and i couldn't be more excited. Abi and Paul are so good together and it'll be really emotional to finally see them say their vows after two years of intense wedding plans :) I hope their day is perfect and i cant wait to be a bridesmaid, and see Isabelle in her special little dress!

Adam and I have now opened a savings account in Isabelles name. We each put £20 a month into her account, which will earn interest and hopefully have over £10,000 ready for her when she's older :)

I've also set up an email account for her, inspired by the 'Dear Hollie, Google Chrome advert. We are going to email her all her life, with updates, photo's and videos :)

She is honestly the most beautiful little girl in the world. I only met her 9 weeks ago, but my life would never be the same without her.

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx Isabelle Verona Elce xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Decisions Decisions

After last weeks disaster i found myself facing a very difficult decision.. to feed or not to feed. Isabelle took to breastfeeding really well, and it was such a special bond that we shared. I loved feeding her, and was proud that I'd managed to stick with it, even though i spent the first week of her life paralysed.

Since finding out about Izzy's feeding problems, i cut all dairy out of my diet. Which was a lot harder than i expected. It was in things i would have never even thought to check. So i literally checked everything. The doctors at the hospital had told me to feed her on the prescribed formula for about 3 days, until the dairy was completely out of my system.

On Tuesday afternoon, i nervously tried her with her first breastfeed. She still screamed in pain afterwards and continued to be violently sick. I now don't think that dairy protein is the only thing she was reacting to.

I gave her one breastfeed a day, for a couple of days, and got the same reaction each time. It was still two weeks until we were being seen at the hospital again, and i couldn't bare the thought that i was still making her ill. So i made the heartbreaking decision to stop breastfeeding :( I cant actually believe how gutted i am about it. I'm just trying to concentrate on the fact that I'm doing whats best for Izzy. I'd always planned to feed her for at least the first nine months.

I was even more desperate not to give up when we were told that if i could do it for the first 4 months, it might help to stop her getting other allergies in the future. I just couldn't bare to see her reaction after each feed, she was so poorly. Especially seeing as she was so happy, and settled after a bottle feed. I really am devastated though, i could literally cry every time i think about it.

Also, it's been a bit tough this past week, usually when you stop breastfeeding you just decrease the number of feeds gradually, to allow your body to slow down the milk production. I have had to just stop altogether, straight away. So my boobs have been absolute agony. They just kept filling up and up, to the point where i could hardly fit in any of my clothes, and even Katie Price would have been a little jealous! They were just never being emptied anymore, they felt like they were going to explode, and there was no way i could be comfy in bed, so lost out on a lot of sleep again, total nightmare. It seems to be easing off a little now though.

Isabelle is like a completely different child since she's been on formula. She sleeps at night and is so much more settled during the day! We don't have to worry about taking her out places anymore. She used to just scream constantly (she was in so much pain ) but now she's an absolute delight. She went to her first party last Saturday and was as good as gold, she really seemed to love it. She lay there wide awake for several hours, watching the disco lights. She was held by many different people and she barely even squirmed all night!

I've decided i really want to start filming her more. She has so many funny little mannerisms that we adore, and will miss when she's older, like they way she tips her head back and shakes it from side to side when she's waking up, how she never quite manages to get her second sneeze out properly, and how grumpy she gets when her hiccups go on for too long. She's so funny. I really feel like i know her inside out now. There are certain songs that i can sing to her when she's absolutely screaming and they completely calm her down.

I love her more and more every single day, she still has big dark blue eyes and i just melt whenever she looks at me. She's started to really smile now too. I cant believe how fast she's growing up! I want her to stay my baby forever!

I'm possibly having my first night away from her this weekend, as its my sisters hen night, and it would be much easier for me to stay over at my mums after.Adams taking Izzy to his friends Halloween party, then looking after her himself for the night! I'm really nervous! I just know I'll be ringing and texting him constantly to check she's OK!

I'm going to put some more photo's on later so you can all see how much she's changing :)

Love love love xxx

Showtime? 38+6 - 39

Well guys, i think this might be it, the moment we've been waiting for! Its so frustrating though as i cant be 100% sure. Everyone says 'you'll know when its the real thing' but I'm really struggling to decide whether it is or not. I've had braxton hicks for a while now, and they are fairly uncomfortable, but in no regular pattern. This seems completely different. I think if its not the start of labour, button is definitely making some serious moves into position ready for the big moment..

Yesterday morning (23/8/11) i woke at about 4am with bad period pains. Its funny actually, for the first time in months i completely forgot i was pregnant for a moment. I actually remember thinking 'oh great, my periods on its way, I'd better get up and get sorted'. It wasn't until i tried to get out of bed that i remembered. The tummy ache got pretty bad, but was constant, it didn't come and go. I wandered downstairs for a while and distracted myself until it had eased enough for me to attempt to get back to sleep. For the rest of the day it seemed to come and go, but wasn't majorly painful.

I'd got a nice afternoon arranged as a treat from my mum. She, my sister and I headed to a salon for some treatments. I had a lovely massage and a pedicure. Before my massage began, the woman warned me that there was a possibility it could start my labour. I consented for her to go ahead.

When we'd finished at the salon, we went back to my mums, where i was to spend the next few hours until Adam arrived to collect me. At approximately 5:30 i got a really tense tightening in my tummy, which took my breath away. It lasted a few seconds and I'd forgotten about it shortly after. Within the next half hour this had happened again a couple of times. Mum and Abi were commenting on how my bump had completely changed shape. The tightening became pretty uncomfortable, although still not really painful, i was having to concentrate on breathing through them. My mum sat next to me, and for a few hours she just rested her hand on my bump. She didn't look at me, and could tell exactly when i was tightening just by feeling.

It is now 3:15am and things are pretty much the same, I've been having these contractions approx every 4-7 minutes. They are very uncomfortable now and some are really quite painful. I'm getting pain in my back with them now too.

Its rather frustrating though, as i know that if this is the early stages of the real thing, I'm going to need all the energy i can get, but i already cant sleep through them. I am being woken up every 7 minutes ish which is driving me crazy.

My bump is now rock solid, right down the middle. Up until recently its always been more to one side, so i think Buttons definitely getting prepared.

I almost wish my waters would just break or something, just so i can know for a fact if its the real thing as i don't want to get myself all excited in case it's a false alarm.

I cant help but think that a false alarm wouldn't go on for this long though?

I am booked to see my midwife at 1:30pm later today so it will be interesting to see what she says about it all. Any comments on whether or not people think this is it would be much appreciated :)

Love Love Love, from one very excited mum to be xxx

Who needs sleep? 27 +3

Well, its 5:15 and i am sitting here apparently physically unable to sleep any longer, even though i didn't settle down until 1am, and have already been awake for an hour! This however though, is considered a very successful night!

We are currently on our final morning of our little holiday to Norfolk, which i want to talk a little bit about, as it is our final holiday without having our miniature human with us. (Obviously Buttons with us, but currently not causing us a great deal of trouble.)

We set off at about 5:30 on Wednesday night and arrived at about 8:30. We had pizza and chips and a catch up with my dad, and his girlfriend Sue and then chilled in front of the telly for a while. I got a little overheated so headed out onto the balcony with a drink and one of my pregnancy books which was beautifully relaxing.

That night i hardly slept at all. which was a difficult result to say i was in one of the comfiest beds iv experienced for a long time. I was wide awake until about 5:15am (as was Adam, trying to help get me to sleep bless him) and i finally nodded off, but was tossing and turning before waking again at 8am.

There was a problem this month with my pay, it was the first month of me being activated on a new payroll, and there had been a problem which meant that i didn't get paid when i should have done, last Friday. However, i had been promised that i would receive the money by Thursday, so we'd set off to Norfolk penniless ( Abi had to bring us as we didn't even have the money for petrol).

I had been told on the phone that work had been battling to ensure my pay would be in by Thursday, otherwise it would be an additional 10 days! When we all got up on Thursday morning i checked my account and there was still nothing in it. I usually contribute largely towards the mortgage and bills, and so Adam had paid everything out of his account, which left that empty too. We then both had direct debits taken out, which left us both overdrawn, so we will both be getting bank charges. I ended up in tears, as i thought we were going to spend the entire holiday not able to do a thing. Dad and Sue were out at work, we were only be going to see them in the evenings, so we would have literally been stuck in the house with nothing to do. I checked the bank again at 12pm and there was still nothing in there. I decided we might as well have a walk to the seaside, even if it only ended up being literally a walk. Abi had got a bit of money that she said she could lend us, but i was worrying that any money we could borrow should probably used for the final bills which will be coming out on Monday, rather than ice cream and arcade games.

It took about 40 minutes to drive to the Sherringham, we walked for a few minutes before heading to the nearest cash point. Thankfully, my money had gone in just after 1pm, which has meant that we have finally been able to enjoy the last few days of our time off worry free.

We pottered in and out of a few seaside gift shops and bought a little picnic from a local bakery. We then headed down and ate our lunch on the seafront. The weather was beautiful!

We walked around for the rest of the afternoon pottering in and out of shops and soaking up the seaside atmosphere hand in hand, before heading back to dads.

We had a delicious steak for dinner, and then piled into the car and headed out, dad was treating us to a trip to a 'cinema with a difference'. We arrived at an old fashioned looking building at around 8pm, it was beautifully decorated inside, with old stone walls and mahogany counters. We collected our sweets, and tickets for 'Pirates of the Caribbean 4' and headed into the bar. After a few minutes we took our drinks, (which was a pint of larger in the cases of dad, Adam and Abi), and headed into the theatre with our 3D glasses. It was a tiny little room, unlike any Odeon. Adams pick 'n' mix had vanished by about the third trailer!

I think Button got a bit over excited by the exciting music that accompanied the film, as he/she was bopping about all over the place in there!

We got back at about 11:30, dad and Sue headed off to bed and the three of us sat in the lounge with a drink for a little while. I slept amazingly well, and got about 7 solid hours, which is a total record from over the past few weeks!

We got up yesterday morning at 9:30 and headed out at

about 11. We drove into Norwich city centre for a wander around the shops which was lovely. The first shop i saw when we heading into the centre was a giant Mother care! We spent ages in there. There were some beautiful things. It was lovely to see Adam (and Abi) getting excited over tiny little outfits.

One outfit that i have been admiring for a while, is a little 'Humphrey's corner' dress. It isn't cheap, but i have decided that if Buttons a girl, and they still stock it by the time she arrives, mummy will definitely be treating her to it!

We walked around the shops for a couple of hours, before setting off to spend the rest of the afternoon in Great Yarmouth. When we arrived there, we had a game of 18 hole Pirate themed Crazy Golf, which was amazingly fun and took quite some time to complete! Button got quite competitive!

We then walked around the amusements for a couple of hours. Adam won £15 on a fruit machine and Abi and I got hooked on a duck-themed 2p machine, and won 3 rubber ducks and one fluffy duck, for Button.

It was past 5pm by this time so we nipped across to a stall, Adam got a giant ice cream, i got a Slush and Abi got a Hot Chocolate and we headed back to the car.

We got back to Dad and Sue and had another lovely meal with them before chilling out on the sofa for a couple of hours. We said our goodbyes to dad at about 9:45, and they headed off for an early night, as he was out for work at 4 this morning. At 10:10 Adam and I decided to head out for a romantic stroll to check out the little local pubs in the village. We walked for about half an hour and then found a lovely little pub with a live band, and pretty lights outside. We bought drinks and sat out and chatted about our plans for the near future.

After some lovely long conversations about money, parenting and labour etc we headed across to a kebab shop over the road and got Adam some supper, (which i happily stole half of).

We got completely lost on the way back and ended up wandering around chatting for around and extra 45 minutes! We headed off to bed when we got back, and Adam read his 'A blokes Guide to Pregnancy' book for a while.

I'm not sure yet what we are doing today, i was hoping to build sandcastles at some point, but the weathers not looking too sparkling. On our way home later, we're calling in at Grantham to see my Grandparents, who we very rarely get to see these days. I think we're having dinner there. Adams been tracking our family tree, and has managed to get back to 1550, so he's very much looking forward to long discussions with my Grandad.

I don't know how last nights lack of sleep is going to affect me today, I'm feeling pretty exhausted, and its still only 6:15 so i might head back to bed and see if i can grab another hour, although at least I've got the 3 hour car ride to possibly get some rest this afternoon.

I really am starting to worry about going back to work now though. 2-3 hours sleep a night isn't such an issue when i can rest throughout the day, but I'm dreading how I'm going to feel adding a full time job onto that amount of sleep deprivation. I also now weigh approximately the same as 12 double Decker buses, so I'm having to rest after every few steps at the moment, and I'm finding myself a little breathless at times too.

I'm trying to keep a positive mind with the work thing though, after all, i love my job and the people i work with and its only another 7 weeks of actual work! I'm sure it'll fly by. I'm still quite glad about the choices iv made regarding my maternity leave. I'll be working right up to 36 weeks, using two weeks holidays and then starting maternity at 38 weeks! Which means I'll have lots of time with Button when he/she is here.

Just to confuse everyone, I'm now going to take my blog post back to Wednesday afternoon, before we set off on our little Holiday. We spent most of the afternoon at the hospital for our two appointments. I had my Physiotherapy first, which was useful in some ways, as i was given bump support bands and exercises to try, but i didn't really gain as much as I'd hoped for. I got no answers about the RLS, and no answers really as to what can help with all the pain, but hopefully if i persist with the exercises, they'll help to ease it in the long run.

Secondly we had the all important visit to the hospital midwives, to get my bump remeasured. Bare in mind that two weeks previous, i had been measured at 29-30 weeks, i am now measuring at 35! It was another different midwife today, who confirmed that my tummy muscles are 'incredibly strong' and so therefore its hard to feel where the baby is. She did however manage to tell us the position of the head, which is still incredibly low.

She decided that it is probably for the best that we arrange a growth scan, to see if Button really is a little porker, or if I'm gaining lots of fluid, or if its just a generally big bump. She said one of the main concerns could be that I'm developing/have developed Gestational diabetes, so its quite important that we get everything checked out. It'll be lovely to see the baby again anyway, as long as the sex isn't revealed!

The midwife told me that id be receiving a phone call with my appointment for the scan, as they couldn't fit me in that afternoon. Shortly after we left, i had a phone call asking if we could make it on Friday, when i explained that we were away she said she'd try for another appointment and call me back, which she hasn't done. I'll give them a ring on Monday morning and chase it up.

Well, this has probably been one of my longest ever posts! Its now 6:31 so at least iv killed some time of being up alone. One positive thing about the lack of sleep is that i definately feel i'll be ready for all the night feeds, i'll be pretty used to only having a couple of hours a night by the time Buttons here!

I'm going to attempt to get comfy and sleep a little bit longer now, as i imagine Adam and Abi will probably snooze for another couple of hours yet.

Love love love,

Mummy Elce and Baby Button xxx

Lots to tell... 21+4

Yet again, i have failed miserably as a blogger! I cant believe it has been nearly two weeks! May i begin this post by firstly congratulating a friend of ours, Lizz, and her partner Mitch, on the birth of their beautiful daughter Alice. Lizz was the one who inspired me to start this blog, i love every second of reading hers, and its nice to compare our pregnancies and to know that everything that's happening with me, is experienced by others too. Alice is a credit to them both, a truly wonderful little person!

So many things have happened since i last blogged, iv got a feeling this may turn into quite a long post!
We have now had our 20 week scan (13/4/11), which felt really strange. That is the last time we will see our baby until he/she is actually in our arms! And yes, we (or at least Adam) managed to stay strong enough to keep Buttons sex a surprise. I cant help thinking that if id have been there on my own, i may have buckled and found out, but Adam was determined we would have a surprise. I have decided i am going to ask the midwives to let Adam announce the sex to me when Button arrives. I just think this would make a lovely bond between us as a family, i cant think of a nicer way to finally find out, than for Adam to be the one to tell me.

The scan started off really well, they measured Button (who was 30cm including those great long legs!!), they checked the heart and its chambers, the spine, the face. Pretty much everything. It was amazing to see our little person on that screen again. The lady then said she needed to check the head, to get measurements, and to check the baby's brain. She was pressing on my tummy for a while, looking really puzzled. Apparently the baby's head was so far down, she couldn't scan that low in my pelvis to see properly.
This worried me a bit. Surely the head shouldn't be that low at this stage? I asked her if it was normal. She didn't give and answer of yes or no, she simply said that they manage to get into all sorts of positions in there. I'm hoping she would have told me if it was something to be worried about.
After about 20 minutes of scanning, she asked me to go for a ten minute walk, and to eat a mars bar, to try and encourage Button to change positions. I spent the whole ten minutes pacing up and down corridors, rubbing my tummy and hoping that they would move. When we went back in things were exactly the same. She made be lay on my side, then the other side, then she put cushions under me to tip me backwards, nothing was working.
Knowing that she was trying to check the baby's brain, i was getting more and more concerned with her puzzled silence. Part of my brain (the cerebellum) is damaged and i was getting really worried that this may also be the case with the baby, or something similar.
Eventually, she managed to get a good enough view to check everything she needed to, although it was still a struggle. Everything is fine. This was the biggest relief ever! We came away with two updated pictures of Button. They aren't as clear as the 12 weeks scan due to Buttons increase in size! In total, we were in the scan for well over an hour!

It feels so strange to be over half way there! Time is flying by at such an unbelievable pace!

We have also had a second hospital appointment, for an extra consultation. I have got to attend a few of these because of my 'added difficulties'. We actually found it a really helpful appointment, well worth the visit. I have been in serious amounts of pain with my legs and lower back. I literally cant be standing for long at all and im really in pain. The doctor said that at this stage of pregnancy, the majority of women are struggling with these sorts of pains anyway, but adding that to the problems i already have ( I have mild Cerebal Palsy, which includes having very wonky hips, knees and ankles) there is no wonder i am struggling so much. I had physiotherapy for many years as a child. I always had to wear big plastic supports in my shoes, and in my mid-teens i even had to wear straps up my legs.The doctor referred me for urgent physiotherapy, which she said i will recieve a letter about and may be starting in as early as a weeks time! She also prescribed me with some stronger pain relief, for when it gets unbarable, and told me to just stay off my feet whenever possible. She said that its probably going to get much worse, as i get bigger, so i feel so relieved that something is going to be done about it.

The past few days have brought some really strong kicks from Button. Its amazing how it has changed so dramatically in literally a matter of days. Its gone from a funny little fluttery feeling to definite movements and kicks. I find myself holding my tummy a lot of the time, especially in my sleep, and i have actually felt it on my hand now, and even seen my tummy move! Adam hasn't felt it yet, which is really starting to frustrate me. I always get him to put his hand straight on as soon as we feel anything, but then it stops.

My dad came over on the 10th April for his birthday, and we all went out for a meal which was lovely. After dinner we all went back to my Grandparents house for a while, i had the doppler that we'd borrowed from a friend, so we all sat round and had a listen to buttons heartbeat, and the little kicks and wiggles. It was lovely because it was only the second or third time iv seen my dad since i've been pregnant, so it was nice to be able to involve him in something.

Our living situation is a bit strange at the moment. We kept finding things that need doing with the house, which are each going to be quite costly. Such as, the heating is stuck on full, we don't seem to be able to do anything about it. Its literally unbearable at the moment, i can hardly breathe in there. Things need fixing in the bathroom, and in the kitchen etc. A lot of time and effort (and money) needs to be put into it. We are trying to decide what to do for the best. In the mean time we have come to stay with my sister in her new house. We plan to go back to the house regularly to do work on it. Our options will then be to either:

*Move back in and try to settle.

* Do enough to rent the house out, then find a little place of our own.

* Do enough to get the house on the market, and try and get it sold.

I think i am personally definitely edging towards moving. Adam already lived there before we got together, and i just really like the idea of us choosing somewhere together, boxing everything up, getting rid of all the junk that we don't need, and moving somewhere that we can have a fresh start with our baby. I'm just totally in love with the idea of choosing somewhere together, getting in and making decisions about what to put where etc. Its a part of growing up that i feel like i haven't done yet.

While we are staying with Abi, we are switching everything off at the house to save a bit of money, Adams now catching a train to work, as the new house is only a couple of miles to the station, so its saving him a lot on petrol money. The extra money will definitely help a lot over the coming months. Our kitten has just had an accident, which has cost £300 in vets bills. Abi was thankfully able to pay that for us, so we now have that to pay back, along with close to £1000 worth of baby stuff we had still planned to get, and the costs that are going to come with the work on the house.

Its all quite exciting, but I'm having to concentrate hard on keeping it feeling like an adventure, rather than a scary chore. I just want to know that we're going to be settled, happy and ready when Button arrives. I'm sure everything will turn out OK in the end.

We are going to have a wander this evening to explore a lovely little local pub we spotted the other day, we're going to sit outside with a drink and have a really good discussion about what we plan to do.

We are actually really enjoying this new town, there are plenty of things around, such as a massive new leisure centre with swimming pool, two nurseries, a big Asda, lots of little cafe's, an indoor shopping centre, a garage, chinease, indian and pizza resturants, lots of little pubs and the town centre, all within walking distance. We've already done some exploring and are looking forward to venturing a little more this everning.

We got a message the other day, from my friend who owns the baby shop, she had got the 'Millie and Boris' changing station in. In the Mamas and Papas shop it sells for £130, and she had it for sale for £45! Iv been thinking for a while that it might be a nice idea to have one of these. if we stayed in our current house, we could have it in the living room (which is on the middle floor). It has a bath, changing mat and shelves, which would be useful to save us constantly going up and downstairs. Also, the bath and changing mat will be useful for me to be able to use standing, because i struggle with back pain and wouldn't be good with bending to much. If we were with Abi for a while after Button was born, we could keep it in our room. Wherever we are, i think we would find it majorly useful. Adams mum had said that she would like to buy us a bath set, so Adam mentioned it to her the other day and she kindly said she would buy it for us. Which was lovely, as i knew it wouldn't stay in the shop for long! So we collected it yesterday!

I spent quite a while this morning planning the book i am having made for the baby. We're going to have it printed in hardback, and it'll take pride of place in the nursery. The idea is to have photos of all the family, pets, homes etc with writing about each person. We are going to write about our wedding, our jobs, hobbies, the pregnancy and include the scan photos etc. I think it'll be lovely to be able to show Button when he/she is older, how excited we are about meeting them :)

Well, i think iv written everything i was planning to, but there may end up being another couple of small posts this evening, as i remember things that i haven't included.

Please feel free to write comments or questions etc, so i know that there are still people out there actually reading me natter away to myself!

Love love love xxxx

Pooorlyish :(

I haven't been very well these past few days. Ended up rushing to an emergency doctor on Friday due to a referral i had from work for having blood in my ear. I seem to be being taken over by nasty infections :(
We stayed at mums on Saturday night, so that i could get to work on Sunday, it was really nice as Abi (my sister) and Paul were over from Norfolk, so it gave us a lot of time together which we don't get very often. After tea, Adam and Paul sat at the table with their laptops talking about football and boys stuff. Me, Mum and Abi went and sat in the living room and had a really detailed conversation about childbirth. It was really nice to ask all my questions, and its made me feel a great deal better. It made me realise i was actually quite naive about the whole thing, and need to stop believing everything i see on TV.
I woke up feeling awful on Sunday morning, i kept having really hot flushes, where i would literally break into a sweat, and i had a really bad headache. I managed to get through my three hour shift at work, and got back to mums to a beautiful Sunday dinner, my step sister Claire, her husband Liam and my little niece Emilie came to join us. It was really nice to have everyone together. Almost as soon as id finished my pudding i felt really sick, and could barely keep my eyes open. So i excused myself and went upstairs to lie down. I only planned to rest for about 20 minutes but ended up being there for well over an hour, i then had to force myself to get up.
I was quite poorly in the night last night, waking up in hot sweats and shivering etc so iv had to have the day off today, which i hate doing.
I am managing to control the pain and temperature with paracetamol, but i don't even like taking them. Iv slept loads today so hopefully I'll shake it off pretty quick because i have got to go to work tomorrow!
According to one of my apps, our baby is now the size of a 'green olive'!! Why its specifically a green one, i don't know!
We officially have not agreed on one single boys name as of yet! We've been through thousands and just don't agree at all. We have two girls names which we both love, so its just a matter of choosing which we want to go with. We even have a middle name chosen for a little girl!

Bump is still pretty huge, and has got even more solid! Will put another picture on within the next few days!

Love love love xxx

What dreams are made of! 29/12/10 4:50am

Anyone who knows me, or who has ready my last blog 'XXX Daydream Believer XXX' Will know that my Husband, Adam and i have wanted a baby for quite some time now. December was our last month of trying until September 2011. As i need to fit into the most amazing dress to be Maid of Honour at my beautiful sister, Abi's Wedding in November.
Now, Thanks to some little miracle happening, we are no longer needing to start trying again in September, we have our own little bundle of joy DUE in September!
We found out on my 21st Birthday (26/12/10) Which was the most amazing birthday present i could ever have hoped for. Adam is so excited, he's already really looking after me, carrying things, fetching me drinks, always finding me a chair. Which is very sweet, yet unnecessary. I am totally convinced that I'm going to be the best pregnant lady ever! I am very much a believer in the term 'pregnant not ill', however i am finding myself to be a little paranoid already but I'm sure that will fade after the first few weeks.
Speaking of the whole Pregnant/Ill thing, my lovely sister in law, Kelly is about 10-11 weeks pregnant and has pretty much been totally unable to enjoy her pregnancy so far as she's been really poorly with the flu. She is going for her first scan tomorrow to make sure everything is fine, as I'm sure it will be. Adam is going with her :) I know she's really worrying about this, we've just had a 3:45am chat as neither one of us can sleep.
Pregnancy already feels like the best thing ever to me. Iv had some really nasty tummy pains (which everyone tells me is normal at this stage) , lots of soreness, extreme tiredness and thirst and I'm beginning to get quite bad queasiness (which is whats keeping me awake tonight), but i feel like the luckiest girl in the world and I'm going to make the most of every second!
According to an app on my phone, i am now 4 weeks and 6 days pregnant, but i plan to ring the doctors tomorrow, to get our first few appointments which will hopefully help us to find out the exact dates. So at the moment our due date is 2/9/11 :')
I feel so excited about new years eve now, and i just know i will sob, welcoming in the year that we'll finally have our little button :)
Emotions are all over the place at the moment of course, telling my family was such a nerve wracking thing, and it is now some of the most treasured memories of my entire life, We couldn't have hoped for better reactions, from both families, and i love them all so much for that.
I am walking round with the most stupid smile on my face at the moment, and then i am randomly busting into happy tears, Adam thinks its hilarious. I was browsing the Boots website earlier, and i saw the heading 'Mother and Baby' and i just got the most overwhelming feeling of happiness and sobbed! I sat in the cinema with my friend, with my hands on my tummy and just wanted to cry.
I just love knowing that button is there, the fact that I'm not going to be alone at all for the next 8 months makes me so happy.
You will probably hear me call the baby 'button' throughout this blog, as i cant bare to say 'it'. Button is so much more than an 'it' to me.
I have wanted this my whole life. Things are turning out so right for us, We have the perfect marriage, a beautiful house, such a supportive family and now we are starting our own.
I love baby button so much already, i wish i could just see 9 months into the future and just know for a fact that everythings going to be fine. I don't feel i have the right to love him/her yet, because we have got so much to get through before they will actually be ours, but i cant help myself, I'm absolutely, head over heels :) xxx

Love always,
Mummy Elce and Little Button :) xxxx