Well, Isabelle is now 13 weeks and 6 days old, 3 months exactly last Tuesday! I really don't know where the time goes. I know everyone always says 'they aren't babies for two minutes' but i seriously wasn't expecting it to go this fast. Where has my tiny baby gone?
She may not be tiny anymore, but she gets more and more beautiful everyday! We don't just have smiles now, we have full on giggles which is amazing. This usually happens when I'm doing something daft, and once she's giggled, i naturally have to do it again and again just to see that happy little face!
We do a lot of singing throughout the day, and i tap out rhythms on her back when she's unsettled which really seems to soothe her. She's an incredibly vocal baby, and has been from very early on, so i think she'll be a little chatterbox and/or a lovely singer :) She sits and listens completely whenever i sing which is lovely.
Yesterday, we went for a rehearsal for the Nativity play we are in on Christmas Eve. Isabelle is Jesus and I'm an angel (singing Silent night). My little cousin is playing Mary, so she gets to hold Isabelle for quite some time. Luckily she's sitting cross legged on the floor as little monkey is rather heavy now! (12lb 8oz last Wednesday).
Isabelle was as good as gold throughout the rehearsal really, but got a little grizzly just before i did my song. Literally as soon as i started singing she fell silent and just lay there listening, which brought tears to a few eyes!
The changes we have seen in her development over the past few days has been phenomenal! She's becoming so independent (although she does still like to be close to mummy) and sooo interested in the world! She tries to sit up now whenever we lay her down! And she's been supporting her head beautifully over the past few days! She also like to stand up with support, her legs are so strong! Sometimes we struggle to sit her in our lap now, as she refuses to bend her legs, and wants to be standing!
One of her favourite things to do is admire herself in the mirror. Every morning, after getting up and dressed, i take her into the bathroom before we head downstairs. I tell her that we are going to see the 'pretty little girl in the bathroom' literally as soon as she see's herself she's giggling and giving shy little smiles.. its adorable. She would stay there for hours admiring herself I'm sure! Just watching her is fascinating though, shes even started wriggling her fingers and watching in the mirror, then looking at her fingers, and back to the mirror. You can completely tell that she's learning every second of the day!
I've just realised i haven't really spoken about myself for a while, how I've been since birth etc. The first few weeks of Isabelle's life we're incredibly tough, she was so ill and we didn't even know, so there's no wonder things were like they were. Since discovering her problems (well, most of them, some things are still being looked at) she has been an absolute delight and I've really enjoyed motherhood.
Obviously when you go for your review with the doctor they speak to you about contraception. I thought about this no end and finally came to the decision to try the injection. I used to be on the pill, but never got on with it particularly well, and I'm worried that now my lifestyle is so busy (i barely have time to wash my hair) i would forget to take it. Whereas the injection is just a quick trip to the surgery every 12 weeks, job done!
A went for my first one a few weeks ago, and thought this would definitely be the method i would stick with, as i was in and out even before my appointment time (which is very unusual for our surgery!) and there really was nothing to it!
However, over the past few weeks i have decided i most certainly will not be going back for another one in February. I've felt awful. I feel sick all the time, I'm constantly exhausted, yet cant sleep (started writing this at 4:20am) my hair is falling out at a stupid pace and I'm actually getting little bald patches, and I've been incredibly down and paranoid. I really have felt so alone over the past week, and began to doubt whether I'm doing a good job as a mum, constantly thinking something bad is going to happen to her. I've been checking her breathing double the amount i was before. It's driving me mad and i cant wait for the awful chemical to be out of my system so i can feel human again. So now i literally have no idea what contraception to look at next. The implant is apparently made of a similar thing (not that i fancy that anyway) and the word 'coil' makes me shudder, so I'm fast running out of options.
I'm not going to go into too much detail, but I've been having a few problems lately, where i don't appear to be healing properly. I've been to the doctors a couple of times and have been examined, I've been in complete agony, and when the doctor pressed inside my tummy, there was a certain area that she wasn't happy with, and it was the exact same area that made me screech in pain. So i have been referred to the hospital. Therefore contraception isn't something i need to be worrying about at the moment, but definitely need to be thinking about it a bit.
I have also been referred for my back. I'm beginning physio today, and they will be looking at the other issue too. I'm having terrible back problems since that Epidural went wrong. I struggle to bend for more than a couple of seconds, it hurts to sit down, or stand up, or even just walking for a certain amount of time. Which all makes things very difficult when you have a three month old.
I've been trying to keep busy a little more, so that I'm not just sat at home feeling down. It isn't easy when your skint and you don't drive though. There is a surestart centre just behind my house which is good, as they do 'stay and play' sessions on a Monday morning. It's literally behind my garden fence so really easy for me to get to. I have only been to one session so far but loved spending time with other mums and babies, and Isabelle seemed to love the change in scenery and the different toys to play with. There was a wooden stick with three bells on the end which she loved. She grabbed hold of it and was shaking it all over the place. Mummy may have to invest in one of those!
So it's now only 6 more sleeps until our first little family Christmas and i literally can't wait! I know she isn't old enough to understand, but we have so many family events happening over the next couple of weeks, its going to be perfect! And i intend on filming every second of it!
Love love love xxx
