9 weeks old!

I can't believe how long it's been since i last posted! To be honest though there isn't a lot to say at the moment. I imagine this will be the point where i sadly lose many of my readers, as this blog will pretty much have just turned into a mum going on and on about how much she loves her baby. I have enjoyed every second of writing this blog. I never in a million years would have imagined how popular it would become!

Isabelle is now bottle fed all the time. The change in her has been amazing. She's been so much more settled, and even slept for several hours through the night! She now has medications 10 times a day and is generally a lot happier! Over the past few days she has taken a slight step backwards though, she seems to be in a bit of pain again after feeds, and isn't quite as settled as she has been! We're back at the hospital in a couple of weeks so I'm going to mention everything. They have said she may need to go on slightly stronger medication if she's still suffering.

She really is growing up so much! She tries to hold on to things now, and has a favourite bunny :) She smiles and giggles all the time, but especially when you tell her how pretty she is! She makes little noises all the time and sometimes sounds like she's singing. She's getting lots stronger too, and hardly stays still! She's definitely trying to hold her head up! She's at the age where we can really play with her now. We sing songs with her and read books, she loves to look at the pictures.

I'm trying to speak to her in french, as well as English as much as possible, and i also sign to her a lot too. Some of my family are french, and my cousins we're brought up with their mum speaking French, and their dad speaking English. The oldest of these cousins has just gone to University, and is fluent in French, English, Spanish and Japanese!

Its my sisters wedding this weekend and i couldn't be more excited. Abi and Paul are so good together and it'll be really emotional to finally see them say their vows after two years of intense wedding plans :) I hope their day is perfect and i cant wait to be a bridesmaid, and see Isabelle in her special little dress!

Adam and I have now opened a savings account in Isabelles name. We each put £20 a month into her account, which will earn interest and hopefully have over £10,000 ready for her when she's older :)

I've also set up an email account for her, inspired by the 'Dear Hollie, Google Chrome advert. We are going to email her all her life, with updates, photo's and videos :)

She is honestly the most beautiful little girl in the world. I only met her 9 weeks ago, but my life would never be the same without her.

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx Isabelle Verona Elce xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Showtime? 38+6 - 39

Well guys, i think this might be it, the moment we've been waiting for! Its so frustrating though as i cant be 100% sure. Everyone says 'you'll know when its the real thing' but I'm really struggling to decide whether it is or not. I've had braxton hicks for a while now, and they are fairly uncomfortable, but in no regular pattern. This seems completely different. I think if its not the start of labour, button is definitely making some serious moves into position ready for the big moment..

Yesterday morning (23/8/11) i woke at about 4am with bad period pains. Its funny actually, for the first time in months i completely forgot i was pregnant for a moment. I actually remember thinking 'oh great, my periods on its way, I'd better get up and get sorted'. It wasn't until i tried to get out of bed that i remembered. The tummy ache got pretty bad, but was constant, it didn't come and go. I wandered downstairs for a while and distracted myself until it had eased enough for me to attempt to get back to sleep. For the rest of the day it seemed to come and go, but wasn't majorly painful.

I'd got a nice afternoon arranged as a treat from my mum. She, my sister and I headed to a salon for some treatments. I had a lovely massage and a pedicure. Before my massage began, the woman warned me that there was a possibility it could start my labour. I consented for her to go ahead.

When we'd finished at the salon, we went back to my mums, where i was to spend the next few hours until Adam arrived to collect me. At approximately 5:30 i got a really tense tightening in my tummy, which took my breath away. It lasted a few seconds and I'd forgotten about it shortly after. Within the next half hour this had happened again a couple of times. Mum and Abi were commenting on how my bump had completely changed shape. The tightening became pretty uncomfortable, although still not really painful, i was having to concentrate on breathing through them. My mum sat next to me, and for a few hours she just rested her hand on my bump. She didn't look at me, and could tell exactly when i was tightening just by feeling.

It is now 3:15am and things are pretty much the same, I've been having these contractions approx every 4-7 minutes. They are very uncomfortable now and some are really quite painful. I'm getting pain in my back with them now too.

Its rather frustrating though, as i know that if this is the early stages of the real thing, I'm going to need all the energy i can get, but i already cant sleep through them. I am being woken up every 7 minutes ish which is driving me crazy.

My bump is now rock solid, right down the middle. Up until recently its always been more to one side, so i think Buttons definitely getting prepared.

I almost wish my waters would just break or something, just so i can know for a fact if its the real thing as i don't want to get myself all excited in case it's a false alarm.

I cant help but think that a false alarm wouldn't go on for this long though?

I am booked to see my midwife at 1:30pm later today so it will be interesting to see what she says about it all. Any comments on whether or not people think this is it would be much appreciated :)

Love Love Love, from one very excited mum to be xxx

28+6

Its 4:40am and yet again i have been up for well over an hour. I'm at work today though so going to try and get a bit more rest before i go. I do find that when I'm struggling this much to sleep, often i am better to get up for a while and potter about or get something to eat rather than just laying there in bed.

I am nearly 29 weeks pregnant and so much has happened in the past week. I went from work to my usual antenatal appointment with heather on Wednesday at 11am. When i got there i discovered that Heather was off sick, so i had another midwife instead.

I got in, and did the usual blood pressure and urine tests etc. There was still protein in my wee, so it has been sent off to the lab yet again. The midwife listened to the baby and took my blood, then spent a while looking at my growth charts. She was quite concerned and said that i needed to be seen for my growth scan, and to be monitored more closely by the hospital.

I booked another appointment with Heather for three weeks time, and went outside to find out how i was going to get to the hospital. I phoned Adam and my mum to let them know what was happening, mum was going to be at work for a while longer, so Adam came and fetched me. We got to the hospital and headed straight for the scan department. It was lovely to see Button again, we saw all his her tiny little fingers and toes, it was magic!

When we first went into the room the Sonographer asked us if we knew the sex, and we told her we didn't. After a few minutes of scanning she said 'I just need to get a measurement of her legs'. My heart stopped, i looked straight at Adam, wondering if he'd noticed. I waited a few minutes to see if she said anything else, and then i asked her so say (without giving it away) whether she had been able to tell the sex. She said she hadn't looked, so that she wouldn't give anything away, so i assume it was just a passing comment.

She took all measurements and baby seems to be the perfect size, apart from having a slightly tubby little tummy, but nothing above average, and more to the point the head circumference is perfect :D (sigh of relief!)

We came out of the scan, and the sonographer disappeared for a few minutes to make a phone call. She came back and told us that we needed to head down to the Pregnancy Assessment unit.

When we got there, they asked me to lie on the bed, and they strapped two monitors around my bump, they then put a little button in my hand and told me to press it every time i felt the baby move. She left me there for a while, and we could hear Buttons heartbeat and all the kicks and wriggles which was lovely.

We could here Lois, the midwife on the phone just outside our curtain. She made me panic a bit because she was talking about me, and using lots of medical terms that i didn't understand. We then heard her say 'i need a doctor to come and explain everything to the lady and explain why we've got to do it'.

I looked straight at Adam, panic stricken. I had no idea what they were going to do to me and now felt petrified.

Lois came over to us, she sat down at my bedside and put her hand on my leg. She explained that the scan had showed that iv now got a lot of fluid again, and that there were a few tests they had got to do to make sure everything was OK. She said that the doctor was coming to talk to us, and warned me that some of the things that the doctor was going to say to us would sound quite scary, but we should try not to get too worried.

The doctor had a very strong accent, and spoke very quickly, and i was trying so hard to concentrate on everything she said, but really struggled to get my head around a lot of it.

She basically said that because i am measuring at 7 weeks ahead of what i should be, and because my 'fluid levels' were at the limit i am now at risk of premature delivery, as the membranes could just give, so basically my waters could break at any time. At this point, i was trying to digest all of this, but the doctor went on to say there are other risks, such as my cord could drop low down and i could end up having to have an emergency cesarean. (Which has always been one of my biggest fears). I was told that I'm going to be very closely monitored from now on, with extra consultations and scans every couple of weeks.

I had to go back on Friday for a series of other tests. They have tested for gestational diabetes, TB, Toxomaplosis, Rubella, Common colds and some other bits and bobs, and general infections. I had to do a 14 hour starve, and have a further two blood tests! So i am now awaiting all of these results, as well as my urine ones too!

I now have another scan booked in for next Tuesday to monitor how things are going.

After speaking to several people, we have come to the decision that it would be in mine and babies best interests to bring my maternity leave forwards. Which i really didn't want to do, as id rather have more time with the baby at the end, but i have been rightly reminded that now is the most important time for me, and the baby, to make sure we are both as healthy as possible, and its more important for me to ensure that every things going right now. So i am meeting with Shawna today, and possibly making my last day 15th July, instead of 3rd August. Two weeks of that is holiday so its still not massively early, just more than i had originally planned.

Its 5:35 now and I'm going to try and get another hour and a half sleep before work. I'm hoping its going to be a calmer Tuesday than usual though, as we have only got one clinic running, compared with the usual three.

They are really looking after me at work now, and making sure i spend the majority of time sitting down to take the pressure off my bump.

So in conclusion, I'm feeling very strange after the weeks events, i cant believe that the baby could literally make an appearance at any time! When i think of it like that i feel so unprepared. I'm going to make a start on getting my hospital bag ready now just in case. We went to the hospital last night for an antenatal class (which wasn't on!) and were given a tour round the birthing suites. They are lovely and have made me feel more excited about the big day.

I'll make sure i keep you all up to date with any news!

Love love love xxx

Who needs sleep? 27 +3

Well, its 5:15 and i am sitting here apparently physically unable to sleep any longer, even though i didn't settle down until 1am, and have already been awake for an hour! This however though, is considered a very successful night!

We are currently on our final morning of our little holiday to Norfolk, which i want to talk a little bit about, as it is our final holiday without having our miniature human with us. (Obviously Buttons with us, but currently not causing us a great deal of trouble.)

We set off at about 5:30 on Wednesday night and arrived at about 8:30. We had pizza and chips and a catch up with my dad, and his girlfriend Sue and then chilled in front of the telly for a while. I got a little overheated so headed out onto the balcony with a drink and one of my pregnancy books which was beautifully relaxing.

That night i hardly slept at all. which was a difficult result to say i was in one of the comfiest beds iv experienced for a long time. I was wide awake until about 5:15am (as was Adam, trying to help get me to sleep bless him) and i finally nodded off, but was tossing and turning before waking again at 8am.

There was a problem this month with my pay, it was the first month of me being activated on a new payroll, and there had been a problem which meant that i didn't get paid when i should have done, last Friday. However, i had been promised that i would receive the money by Thursday, so we'd set off to Norfolk penniless ( Abi had to bring us as we didn't even have the money for petrol).

I had been told on the phone that work had been battling to ensure my pay would be in by Thursday, otherwise it would be an additional 10 days! When we all got up on Thursday morning i checked my account and there was still nothing in it. I usually contribute largely towards the mortgage and bills, and so Adam had paid everything out of his account, which left that empty too. We then both had direct debits taken out, which left us both overdrawn, so we will both be getting bank charges. I ended up in tears, as i thought we were going to spend the entire holiday not able to do a thing. Dad and Sue were out at work, we were only be going to see them in the evenings, so we would have literally been stuck in the house with nothing to do. I checked the bank again at 12pm and there was still nothing in there. I decided we might as well have a walk to the seaside, even if it only ended up being literally a walk. Abi had got a bit of money that she said she could lend us, but i was worrying that any money we could borrow should probably used for the final bills which will be coming out on Monday, rather than ice cream and arcade games.

It took about 40 minutes to drive to the Sherringham, we walked for a few minutes before heading to the nearest cash point. Thankfully, my money had gone in just after 1pm, which has meant that we have finally been able to enjoy the last few days of our time off worry free.

We pottered in and out of a few seaside gift shops and bought a little picnic from a local bakery. We then headed down and ate our lunch on the seafront. The weather was beautiful!

We walked around for the rest of the afternoon pottering in and out of shops and soaking up the seaside atmosphere hand in hand, before heading back to dads.

We had a delicious steak for dinner, and then piled into the car and headed out, dad was treating us to a trip to a 'cinema with a difference'. We arrived at an old fashioned looking building at around 8pm, it was beautifully decorated inside, with old stone walls and mahogany counters. We collected our sweets, and tickets for 'Pirates of the Caribbean 4' and headed into the bar. After a few minutes we took our drinks, (which was a pint of larger in the cases of dad, Adam and Abi), and headed into the theatre with our 3D glasses. It was a tiny little room, unlike any Odeon. Adams pick 'n' mix had vanished by about the third trailer!

I think Button got a bit over excited by the exciting music that accompanied the film, as he/she was bopping about all over the place in there!

We got back at about 11:30, dad and Sue headed off to bed and the three of us sat in the lounge with a drink for a little while. I slept amazingly well, and got about 7 solid hours, which is a total record from over the past few weeks!

We got up yesterday morning at 9:30 and headed out at

about 11. We drove into Norwich city centre for a wander around the shops which was lovely. The first shop i saw when we heading into the centre was a giant Mother care! We spent ages in there. There were some beautiful things. It was lovely to see Adam (and Abi) getting excited over tiny little outfits.

One outfit that i have been admiring for a while, is a little 'Humphrey's corner' dress. It isn't cheap, but i have decided that if Buttons a girl, and they still stock it by the time she arrives, mummy will definitely be treating her to it!

We walked around the shops for a couple of hours, before setting off to spend the rest of the afternoon in Great Yarmouth. When we arrived there, we had a game of 18 hole Pirate themed Crazy Golf, which was amazingly fun and took quite some time to complete! Button got quite competitive!

We then walked around the amusements for a couple of hours. Adam won £15 on a fruit machine and Abi and I got hooked on a duck-themed 2p machine, and won 3 rubber ducks and one fluffy duck, for Button.

It was past 5pm by this time so we nipped across to a stall, Adam got a giant ice cream, i got a Slush and Abi got a Hot Chocolate and we headed back to the car.

We got back to Dad and Sue and had another lovely meal with them before chilling out on the sofa for a couple of hours. We said our goodbyes to dad at about 9:45, and they headed off for an early night, as he was out for work at 4 this morning. At 10:10 Adam and I decided to head out for a romantic stroll to check out the little local pubs in the village. We walked for about half an hour and then found a lovely little pub with a live band, and pretty lights outside. We bought drinks and sat out and chatted about our plans for the near future.

After some lovely long conversations about money, parenting and labour etc we headed across to a kebab shop over the road and got Adam some supper, (which i happily stole half of).

We got completely lost on the way back and ended up wandering around chatting for around and extra 45 minutes! We headed off to bed when we got back, and Adam read his 'A blokes Guide to Pregnancy' book for a while.

I'm not sure yet what we are doing today, i was hoping to build sandcastles at some point, but the weathers not looking too sparkling. On our way home later, we're calling in at Grantham to see my Grandparents, who we very rarely get to see these days. I think we're having dinner there. Adams been tracking our family tree, and has managed to get back to 1550, so he's very much looking forward to long discussions with my Grandad.

I don't know how last nights lack of sleep is going to affect me today, I'm feeling pretty exhausted, and its still only 6:15 so i might head back to bed and see if i can grab another hour, although at least I've got the 3 hour car ride to possibly get some rest this afternoon.

I really am starting to worry about going back to work now though. 2-3 hours sleep a night isn't such an issue when i can rest throughout the day, but I'm dreading how I'm going to feel adding a full time job onto that amount of sleep deprivation. I also now weigh approximately the same as 12 double Decker buses, so I'm having to rest after every few steps at the moment, and I'm finding myself a little breathless at times too.

I'm trying to keep a positive mind with the work thing though, after all, i love my job and the people i work with and its only another 7 weeks of actual work! I'm sure it'll fly by. I'm still quite glad about the choices iv made regarding my maternity leave. I'll be working right up to 36 weeks, using two weeks holidays and then starting maternity at 38 weeks! Which means I'll have lots of time with Button when he/she is here.

Just to confuse everyone, I'm now going to take my blog post back to Wednesday afternoon, before we set off on our little Holiday. We spent most of the afternoon at the hospital for our two appointments. I had my Physiotherapy first, which was useful in some ways, as i was given bump support bands and exercises to try, but i didn't really gain as much as I'd hoped for. I got no answers about the RLS, and no answers really as to what can help with all the pain, but hopefully if i persist with the exercises, they'll help to ease it in the long run.

Secondly we had the all important visit to the hospital midwives, to get my bump remeasured. Bare in mind that two weeks previous, i had been measured at 29-30 weeks, i am now measuring at 35! It was another different midwife today, who confirmed that my tummy muscles are 'incredibly strong' and so therefore its hard to feel where the baby is. She did however manage to tell us the position of the head, which is still incredibly low.

She decided that it is probably for the best that we arrange a growth scan, to see if Button really is a little porker, or if I'm gaining lots of fluid, or if its just a generally big bump. She said one of the main concerns could be that I'm developing/have developed Gestational diabetes, so its quite important that we get everything checked out. It'll be lovely to see the baby again anyway, as long as the sex isn't revealed!

The midwife told me that id be receiving a phone call with my appointment for the scan, as they couldn't fit me in that afternoon. Shortly after we left, i had a phone call asking if we could make it on Friday, when i explained that we were away she said she'd try for another appointment and call me back, which she hasn't done. I'll give them a ring on Monday morning and chase it up.

Well, this has probably been one of my longest ever posts! Its now 6:31 so at least iv killed some time of being up alone. One positive thing about the lack of sleep is that i definately feel i'll be ready for all the night feeds, i'll be pretty used to only having a couple of hours a night by the time Buttons here!

I'm going to attempt to get comfy and sleep a little bit longer now, as i imagine Adam and Abi will probably snooze for another couple of hours yet.

Love love love,

Mummy Elce and Baby Button xxx

A nightmare 13 weeks?

OK, so, pregnancy is still without a doubt the most beautiful thing i have ever put myself through, and i know that this tiny person will be worth every single ache and pain that will be put my way. I also know that there are a lot of ladies out there who have terrible pregnancies, with sickness and pain from the word go, and have much more reason to grumble than myself. I wouldn't change being pregnant for the world, but certain aspects of it have become a little tiresome over the past couple of weeks, so i am going to allow myself this one blog post to be a little more negative than my usual posts, just to get some things off of my chest.

So, i am 27 weeks today, some sources tell me that i have now entered the third trimester, some say that isn't for another week, so that's all a little confusing.

Over the past two weeks i have had a new problem to face, i have developed quite intense RLS (Restless Leg Syndrome). Its the weirdest thing to try to describe. It starts off with just the urge to stretch my limbs (a similar feeling to when you first wake up), not at all painful. The feeling then gets more intense and more uncomfortable and takes over my legs, arms, hands and shoulders. All of these muscles begin to feel tickley, then achy then tight, almost like they are all having individual contractions, and cramping. Literally the only thing that stops the pain is to move. Then, as soon as i stop the pain returns. Its the most frustrating thing in the world, especially as it happens mainly in the evenings, when I'm tired and wanting to sleep. I feel so exhausted, i am just not sleeping at all, and when i do, its not good quality deep sleep as I'm waking up every few minutes in pain and trying to get comfortable. The past few nights have had the exact same pattern, me in tears throughout the night, midnight walks round the block, 2am baths and 4am dancing and yoga sessions whilst talking to the cat downstairs. Adams been amazing. He's walked with me and cuddled me and rubbed my back, and hasn't gotten at all frustrated with the amount of tears he's had to put up with.
It worries me slightly though, I'm off work on holiday at the moment, and I'm wearing myself out. But at least while I'm off, when i can sleep and get exhausted in the early afternoon i can just lay down and try and get an hours rest where ever possible. When i go back to work next week its going to be so hard, to have around 2 hours sleep per night, and then have to get up and face a full day at work is going to prove difficult I'm sure. I just don't want to end up feeling shattered by the time the baby comes. Also, i have read that RLS can last for approximately 4 weeks after birth, this scares me immensely as i know that once the baby is here, i will need every precious second of sleep i can get.
On the rare occasion that i don't suffer with RLS in an evening, there always seems to be something to disrupt my sleep now, but i guess that's just part and parcel of the last trimester. Being woken 12-14 times a night by frequent toilet trips, immense thirst, leaking breasts, leg cramps, itching skin and backache is no ones idea of a good night in. Before pregnancy, if i woke up in the night with cramp in my legs, i would do one of two things, reach down and pull my foot backwards, or leap out of bed and stretch it out. Neither of these things are even remotely possible for me now, my feet have never felt so far away and i practically need a crane to get out of bed, and certainly cant do it at any speed!
I'm not the kind of person who insists they need their 7.5 hours per night in order to survive, i can wake at 7am on my days off and quite happily plod on with the day, but i think 2-3 hours a night would prove a little tough even on the liveliest of people.
I'm visiting the hospital again today, in fact, i will probably be there for the majority of the afternoon, as i have physio at 1, and my measurements with the midwife at 3. I'm going to mention the RLS at physio and hope that there is something they can suggest. We are then off for a couple of days at Norfolk with my dad, which i am so excited about. We can take Button to the seaside!
This blog post has probably not even been worth writing, i am even wondering whether to post it at all. I really don't want to seem like iv got a negative outlook on everything, i know some people would give anything to have what i have right now. I wanted it for long enough myself. No matter how bad things feel at any particular point, and how far away 13 weeks can feel when your sat in a bath at 3am with only a cat for company, there isn't a second that goes by when i don't know (be it deep down at times) how truly lucky i am.
The main purpose of today's blog was to help me shake my grumpiness of a bad night off, and be able to enjoy my day with my wriggling tummy and wonderful husband, and i feel that i have achieved that.
Every time i feel those little wiggles, everything just melts away and nothing else matters. One little kick makes every ache, pain, cramp and craving completely and utterly worth it, and every sleepless night is one closer to spending sleepless nights with my little pumpkin!

Apologies once again for the rant.

Love love love xxxx

24+3

I actually can’t believe how fast time is going. It’s actually getting scary. So, we are now 24 weeks and three days pregnant, and Button (according to magazines etc) will be about 14 inches long! Our pregnancy is now 'Viable'! Which means that if little Elce was born now, there would be a chance of survival, and each day from now on, that chance will be greater. Still, fingers crossed they will carry on cooking for now!
While we're on the subject of early births, I still can’t help but feel a little paranoid that there may be indications of Button arriving early. I’m getting really distressed by the number of people telling me my bump is strangely low. Its approx 7-8 people a day! Even patients at work! Its really beginning to feel like something’s not right. They might as well be walking up to me and saying 'Hi, your bump looks worrying abnormal'! That, along with the fact that baby’s head was so low at the scan, my bump getting big quickly and a few other more recent premature symptoms im really starting to doubt my due date. I've got an appointment with Heather (my midwife) on Wednesday though so im going to ask her about it all and hopefully get some reassurance :)
Iv started making a book for Button. I've spent hours on it and im really proud of how its going (although I think there’s a few printing issues with it I need to look at). It’s full of photos and information on different family members, how I and Adam got together, our wedding etc. As a nice little keepsake to show Button where he/she came from. Im hoping to be finishing it and sending it to print within the next couple of days.

Buttons really active now, Adams felt his first kick and my tummy is moving around loads. Some kicks are even a bit uncomfortable, but i dont mind. Its lovely having little reminders that they are ok in there. Im starting to notice a bit of a pattern of when the baby is awake and asleep. I always get kicks when i first wake up, and as i settle down in the evening, often a little bit of movement after lunch and in the early afternoon, and lots of movement on the bus home! (I think thats Button looking forward to seeing daddy :) ).
Theres lots of wriggling going on in there right now :)

Some factors of pregnancy have become less than pleasant over the past few weeks. I now have really bad stretch marks that seem to be taking over the whole of my stomach, they itch like mad and are really frustrating. I've been applying Bio Oil twice a day for months, but they are still really bad. If they look like this at the moment, i bet i'll be covered by the time baby is actually here.
Iv been struggling alot with back and leg pain still. I should be going for physio at some point next week, so maybe this will help, but its really getting painful.
Sleep is becomming a thing of the past, which everyone is saying its to 'prepare me for when the babys here', but i have literally been sat in tears at 3am because im almost going full nights with no sleep, then having to face a full day at work. Its just frustrating because it doesnt seem to be one particular thing thats keeping me awake, just general discomfort, aches and to much thinking i think. Iv tried alsorts, nice warm bath and a massage from my sister before bed, trying to really wind down, but nothing seems to work. I seem to be back to an average of 5 toilet get-ups a night too, which doesnt help. So if anyone has any advice, please feel free to comment.
Its funny really, id always thought that i just havent recieved any comments on here, but i found them all the other day, quite a lot of them, that i had never noticed, so if you have ever commented on a post, i didnt mean to ignore you!

Another thing thats bothering me at the moment is the fact that iv got to start making some serious birth decisions. Its the hardest possible thing to do. I dont know how your supposed to make such huge decisions about something, when you have no clue what its going to be like or how your going to cope. It isnt lack of thinking about it either, i must think about labour approximately 20 times a day! And its what i spend most of my time awake at night thinking about too. I've just got all these thoughts whizzing round my head, water births, epidurals, pethedine, gas and air, active birth, positions, birthing balls, caesareans, and episiotomy. It’s all driving me a little mad! I feel like its going to be some of the biggest decisions of my life, something I don’t want to be getting wrong!

Adam, Button and I went out for a lovely meal on Monday night, thanks to Abi and Paul buying us some meal vouchers for Christmas. We spent the evening at Il Rosso in Mansfield and thoroughly enjoyed the quality time together to discuss our current situation. We talked about money, the house and what sort of parents we want to be. It was really lovely chatting about it with him. It made me feel even more excited because we both seem to have the same views on parenting.

I'm feeling quite optimistic about my remaining time at work now too. I've got 9 days of actual work left before a week off with monkey for our wedding anniversary!!! (How fast that’s gone!) then I have four weeks at work, then another week off, then four weeks back then I finish! It’s just nice to know that i've only got four weeks in one go before I can chill out and prepare for my baby.
On the cravings front, we're very much back on fruit juice! I am almost getting through a carton a day, which I don’t suppose is a bad thing really; there are much worse things to crave.

More exciting news, we think Button may have a name! We'd pretty much chosen our boys name a while ago, as it was literally the only boys name we could agree that we both liked. We have been struggling to decide between two girls names that we really like, but I think we may have come to a decision!

So, things are going well, im still loving every second of pregnancy, even though it feels like a pretty unattractive, and often quite painful period of my life. I know this baby will be worth every little ache and every stretch mark that’s going to come my way!
Here is an updated bump photo, taken just before we left for our lovely meal, 23+5 :)

Bad day :(

Today has been a bad day, literally from setting off this morning its been no fun. I started the day feeling pretty chuffed with myself, as i got up in plenty of time to wash and dry my hair, iron my uniform and pack myself a lunch. I had a stroll to the bus stop with plenty of time to spare. Looking back, i don't know how i managed to get through the journey, the sickness was almost unbarable. As i was about to step off the bus, it jolted down (as if to let a pushchair on), this is normally done as a gentle release, but it was one sudden jerking movement which sent me flying. My bags went flying and i hit the concrete flat on. I lay there for a second, confused, blood was dripping out of my mouth and i could feel the scuffs on my knees and chin, the only thing i could think was 'have i hurt my baby'. Nobody even offered me a hand, or picked my bags up, people just walked straight by. I got up, shaking, and didn't even acknowledge the blood, i walked in a daze clutching onto my tummy praying i hadn't done any important damage. After a few minutes i had a quick drink of water to rinse away the blood in my mouth, and went into Subway. There i went into the toilet to check i had all of my teeth, and gave my chin and my knees a little wipe. I wanted to cry, i felt like a child. It wasn't the pain of the grazes, it was the fear of what i could have done, and the shock that nobody was willing to help me. I trembled into work and stumbled over words trying to ask Shawna for an antiseptic wipe. She looked puzzled at me and asked me what id done to my chin. I just burst into tears. She took me round the back and sat me down, cleaned me up and got me a drink of water. What a lovely start to the day.
Work was manic today, every time i turned round we had a new que of patients at the front desk. It was a pretty stressful day, and i found myself counting down the hours until i could go home. We were 30 minutes late leaving due to a late dispense, which convinced me i had missed my lift home with Amber. When we finally got out, i rushed round to D&A and luckily for me everyone had been held behind there too. I nipped into MacDonald's while i waited and got a drink and some chips for us both, as i felt weak with hunger. Amber soon came out and we set off for the car. As we got outside the Swan pub in the town centre, we saw a man on the floor and a girl screaming for help knelt beside him, the man was bleeding quite badly, had had a fit and was foaming at the mouth. There was a girl in a nearby telephone box already on the phone to the ambulance service. We rushed over, both of us froze for a moment as we panicked and went blank. We got the man into the recovery position and i checked his airways. We cushioned his head and i began to talk loudly to him. The girl in the phone box was getting upset and struggling to talk to the operator, as she knew the man, so i ran over to take over for her. Amber stood at the entrance to the phone box and shouted questions and instructions at the girls as the woman talked me through everything. We stayed on the phone until we saw the blue flashing light Amber went out and waved the ambulance over, and they started seeing to the man. We hung around for a few seconds and then made our way back to the car. Adrenaline pumping through both of us. Since getting home, all i can bare to do is sleep. Its pretty frustrating for me as there's so much i want to do, but i can barely keep my eyes open. Adams been fantastic. I told him to let me sleep for 20 minutes before waking me up to start dinner. I woke up over an hour later to find that he has cleaned the whole kitchen and is doing dinner himself (home made shepherds pie ) :)
I feel really bad for him though, he is ending up doing all the work because I'm almost to exhausted to hold my own head up. I have felt really rough since waking up. Been violently sick upstairs and I'm aching everywhere. I actually feel ill rather than pregnant tonight. But i have got my appetite back a little bit after smelling the yummy dinner that's being cooked for me as i type :)
I love my Adam, he's a fantastic husband and has been such great help to me throughout this pregnancy. I just hope he isn't getting fed up with all the work he's been doing, I'm hoping the exhaustion wont last to much longer, and I'll be back to my energetic self, able to really start working hard around our beautiful house.

Lets hope tomorrow is a better day!

Love always xxxx

The first big moment!

Well to say how hyped up I'd got myself about this mornings scan, i came out a little disappointed! :(

I had prepared myself for not seeing a great deal, as i am aware that Button is very tiny, but to be honest, i barely saw anything at all.

I actually managed a reasonable nights sleep last night, although i did wake up occasionally with sickening butterflies dancing around inside me, but not a bad night all in all.
I felt sick all the way to the hospital, literally dizzy with questions spinning in my head, but seeing Adams pure excitement made me feel a lot better.
By the time they finally took me in for my scan, i was bursting for a wee, so the cold jelly and pressing on my bladder almost proved to much. The radiographer worried me a little at first, i was trying to look on the screen, and she said "put your head back, I'll show you when i manage to see anything myself'". This made my head spin and the next few moments feel like a lifetime. Did she think there could be nothing to find? What if there was no baby?? I had to literally fight back the tears at this point. Finally she turned the screen. She showed up a fairly large grey area that was the pregnancy sac (ugh that word makes me feel sick), and a tiny white dot at the side (BUTTON!! :') ) I was trying to turn to see it properly without knocking her off of me, i so desperately wanted to see. I saw the little white spec for a mere second and she moved it. She told us that there was a good heartbeat, that button is in exactly the right place, and everything is going as it should be. I felt relieved but so disappointed at the same time, i really hoped to see more.
I thought, maybe i would see better on the photo, when i could look at it from a decent angle for as long as i needed, but we didn't even get one. It was all a bit of a rush, but now, looking back, I'm really quite upset that we didn't get a picture. Even though its probably that there wasn't a lot to see, that picture would have taken pride of place in my living room until a clearer one comes along. I don't like the fact that we have no record of the first time we've ever seen our baby :(
We then got taken back into another room to finish off the appointment with a finishing consultation, where they told me that the reason for my size is that I'm carrying a lot of water, which is apparently fine, and will sort itself out. It just means that i have to lug around a load of extra weight for longer.
Had a terrible journey home on the bus tonight, i literally had to sit doing breathing exercises to stop myself from being sick. Someone today suggested taking little cartons of apple juice to sip on, that certainly sounds like a plan i don't mind trying!
There's a programme on tonight called 'One born every minute' which gives detailed accounts of different women during labour. I have never yet had the guts to watch this, and don't know whether it would do me any favours or totally freak me out, so please comment with your opinions!

On a very happy note, I'm finding it rather exciting to see how many people are actually reading this blog! Sometimes i feel a little daft, as though I'm sat babbling on to myself, but seeing that i am flying through HUNDREDS of page views, spreading right across the world makes it so exciting. Its nice to know that people are following our little story :) I'm absolutely LOVING writing it!
Please feel free to write any comments of questions.

Love to all!
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