Happy New Year!!

It's new years day today and i wish i could say I'm feeling full of glee and excitement, like i was this time last year. I know it's going to be a very special year with our little lady but I'm feeling rather down today.
I think its because we've had such an amazing Christmas, and now it's all over, it's such an anti-climax. There are three things i am concentrating on now which are making me feel completely awful.

1) I only have one day left with Adam being off work, and at the moment he's really ill. I'm going to miss him insane amounts when he goes back (actually getting tearful writing this). I've got so used to having him around, and having help with Isabelle over the past two weeks and i just know I'm going to feel so alone when he goes back.

2) It's my operation on Tuesday and i really am scared. People probably think I'm being a wimp, i know people have operations all the time, but I've never been put to sleep in my life and I'm terrified. They said when i wake up I'll have tubes all over me and an oxygen mask etc, its going to be so scary! It makes it even worse to think that i shouldn't even have to be going through this! If they'd done it right in the first place i wouldn't have anything to be worrying about!

3) I am becoming increasingly aware that my 'return to work' date is getting closer and closer. It isn't until April, but the past few months have gone so quickly, i know it'll be here in no time. The thought of leaving my baby girl makes me feel physically sick. I have got to trust a stranger with her life! She's the most precious thing in the world to me, how do i choose a random person to replace me in looking after her? The thing that worries me most, is Isabelle now has a list of medications as long as my arm, so i need to trust that the carers will get it all right! I honestly can't bare the thought of it at the moment, but i know its something i need to start thinking about.

New Year usually makes me feel so positive, i wish i could just shake myself out of this gloomy mood I'm in today. I think its just a mixture of tiredness and loneliness today. Adam was incredibly ill in the middle of the night last night, so i was up between 3:30- 6 looking after him and cleaning up. It appears he has food poisoning :( He's been in bed all day and it absolutely broken my heart to see him so poorly. Isabelle's gone to Birmingham with Adams mum to meet some of the family, so I've spent the day on my own. I am really glad Izzy has gone on her little day trip though because its meant Adams had a day of undisturbed sleep, and I've managed to have a bit of a rest myself. I just feel exhausted, yet restless, if that makes any sense at all.

I'm going to make myself a nice strong coffee now, and try and crack on with some housework, because as daft as it seems, that normally cheers me up. I've got just less than 3 hours before i need to fetch Isabelle, so I'm going to have an hour of work, then theres a film on i want to watch. So hopefully this gloomy mood will fizzle away this evening. If not within the next couple of hours, I'm sure it will when i get a snuggle and a beautiful smile from my little girl!

I have got four New Years Resolutions which i am determined to stick to this year.

1) Lose weight!! I want to lose approximately 3 stone. I put so much weight on when i was pregnant (and quite a bit during the months before) and my confidence is at rock bottom at the moment. In fact, i  haven't even had that many photo's of me with Isabelle, because i can hardly bare to look at myself. I think Adams getting pretty fed up of me moaning about it all the time! So by the end of 2012  i will be fitting in my size 10's again :p .. hopefully! I really am feeling determined with it though, and I've got good plans for weight loss this year :)

2) Be more careful with money. Obviously while I've been on Maternity leave, our money situation has been very different. In the end, we still managed to have a wonderful Christmas, but we're struggling for it now! I'm going to be a lot more careful about what i spend my money on, and aim to put £20 a month away so I've got it saved up to do my Christmas shopping in November. Every year so far, we've had to try and do all the shopping from one payday or two, and its really hard, so I'm determined to save throughout the year. Not just for Chrismas, in general.

3) Be more organised at home. If there are any of you reading this who have babies yourself, will you please comment on this post and let me know how you get on with housework and a little one please?


4) Spend more time as a family. We don't really get a lot of time to spend together, as Adam works Monday to Friday and then Referee's on Saturdays and Sundays. We normally have 1:30pm-6pm on a Sunday to spend together, and i want to make sure we really start to make the most of that time. I want to aim to visit family more too. Grandparents/Aunties and Uncles etc.. I don't want them to miss Isabelle growing up.

So they are my four resolutions.. nothing too difficult there i don't think, but I'm determined to work hard on each and every one of them :)

I've just had a message to say my baby girl is on her way back from Birmingham :) .. so I'd better get some work done while i still have the chance! Then she can snuggle up with me and we can watch the film together. Loneliness sorted! Feeling better already :)

Happy New Year!!

Hospital update 25+4

We went to our hospital appointment on Thursday afternoon, and spent a nice amount of time waiting, next to a lady in labour, which made me nicely uncomfortable!



When i got onto the bed, they did the same measurement as Heather had done on Wednesday. She measured me at 28-29 weeks. She pressed hard on my stomach which was a little uncomfortable. She came to the conclusion that Button is a normal size and i don't have to much water. She said my bump size is down to my tummy muscles being strong.


We were both a bit puzzled by this, because Heather had said they are weak, and that's why i was carrying so low. The midwife at the hospital fetched one of her colleagues for a second opinion. The second one backed up exactly what the first said.



So.. our due date is staying the same! Still, i wont be surprised if we have an early arrival. I think the constant comments I'm getting from pretty much everyone who see's me is fully preparing me for that.


They want to see me at the hospital every two weeks now as well.



Things are going to get hectic now with having to leave work for appointments and travelling here, there and everywhere. These are the appointments i now have to attend:



* Midwife at Doctors Surgery - fortnightly



*Midwife at Bassetlaw Hospital - fortnightly ( 45 minutes journey from work)



*Physiotherapy at Bassetlaw hospital - Every three weeks



*Antenatal classes - 6/7 between now and birth.





So travel costs are going to be high and I'm going to be a very busy bee!



I'm trying to concentrate pretty hard on finance at the moment. There is so much we've got to try and afford over the next few months, its quite scary. We've had our hearts set on a furniture collection for the Nursery that i am so desperate to order. I just cant stop thinking that it could take weeks and weeks to be delivered, so i don't want to leave it to late. Also, its got £300 0ff in a sale at the moment, and we don't know how long that's going to last. I just cant wait to be able to hang all Buttons little clothes up and get properly organised. Here are some pictures of the furniture, hopefully it'll be ours soon!

I absolutely love everything about it. It'll all seem so real when we've finally got it all set up. Its the most useful set we've looked at. A lot of the wardrobes we've seen just have one rail at the top, which is weird when Buttons clothes will hardly take up any space! This one has a full rail at the top, with another half rail part way down, and shelves and drawers down the other side. It really makes the most of the space and gives lots of storage.

Eeeeek i love it, i love it i love it!

Ps: Please comment to let me know what you think :)
Love always! Mummy Elce and Baby Button xxxx

Lots to tell... 21+4

Yet again, i have failed miserably as a blogger! I cant believe it has been nearly two weeks! May i begin this post by firstly congratulating a friend of ours, Lizz, and her partner Mitch, on the birth of their beautiful daughter Alice. Lizz was the one who inspired me to start this blog, i love every second of reading hers, and its nice to compare our pregnancies and to know that everything that's happening with me, is experienced by others too. Alice is a credit to them both, a truly wonderful little person!

So many things have happened since i last blogged, iv got a feeling this may turn into quite a long post!
We have now had our 20 week scan (13/4/11), which felt really strange. That is the last time we will see our baby until he/she is actually in our arms! And yes, we (or at least Adam) managed to stay strong enough to keep Buttons sex a surprise. I cant help thinking that if id have been there on my own, i may have buckled and found out, but Adam was determined we would have a surprise. I have decided i am going to ask the midwives to let Adam announce the sex to me when Button arrives. I just think this would make a lovely bond between us as a family, i cant think of a nicer way to finally find out, than for Adam to be the one to tell me.

The scan started off really well, they measured Button (who was 30cm including those great long legs!!), they checked the heart and its chambers, the spine, the face. Pretty much everything. It was amazing to see our little person on that screen again. The lady then said she needed to check the head, to get measurements, and to check the baby's brain. She was pressing on my tummy for a while, looking really puzzled. Apparently the baby's head was so far down, she couldn't scan that low in my pelvis to see properly.
This worried me a bit. Surely the head shouldn't be that low at this stage? I asked her if it was normal. She didn't give and answer of yes or no, she simply said that they manage to get into all sorts of positions in there. I'm hoping she would have told me if it was something to be worried about.
After about 20 minutes of scanning, she asked me to go for a ten minute walk, and to eat a mars bar, to try and encourage Button to change positions. I spent the whole ten minutes pacing up and down corridors, rubbing my tummy and hoping that they would move. When we went back in things were exactly the same. She made be lay on my side, then the other side, then she put cushions under me to tip me backwards, nothing was working.
Knowing that she was trying to check the baby's brain, i was getting more and more concerned with her puzzled silence. Part of my brain (the cerebellum) is damaged and i was getting really worried that this may also be the case with the baby, or something similar.
Eventually, she managed to get a good enough view to check everything she needed to, although it was still a struggle. Everything is fine. This was the biggest relief ever! We came away with two updated pictures of Button. They aren't as clear as the 12 weeks scan due to Buttons increase in size! In total, we were in the scan for well over an hour!

It feels so strange to be over half way there! Time is flying by at such an unbelievable pace!

We have also had a second hospital appointment, for an extra consultation. I have got to attend a few of these because of my 'added difficulties'. We actually found it a really helpful appointment, well worth the visit. I have been in serious amounts of pain with my legs and lower back. I literally cant be standing for long at all and im really in pain. The doctor said that at this stage of pregnancy, the majority of women are struggling with these sorts of pains anyway, but adding that to the problems i already have ( I have mild Cerebal Palsy, which includes having very wonky hips, knees and ankles) there is no wonder i am struggling so much. I had physiotherapy for many years as a child. I always had to wear big plastic supports in my shoes, and in my mid-teens i even had to wear straps up my legs.The doctor referred me for urgent physiotherapy, which she said i will recieve a letter about and may be starting in as early as a weeks time! She also prescribed me with some stronger pain relief, for when it gets unbarable, and told me to just stay off my feet whenever possible. She said that its probably going to get much worse, as i get bigger, so i feel so relieved that something is going to be done about it.

The past few days have brought some really strong kicks from Button. Its amazing how it has changed so dramatically in literally a matter of days. Its gone from a funny little fluttery feeling to definite movements and kicks. I find myself holding my tummy a lot of the time, especially in my sleep, and i have actually felt it on my hand now, and even seen my tummy move! Adam hasn't felt it yet, which is really starting to frustrate me. I always get him to put his hand straight on as soon as we feel anything, but then it stops.

My dad came over on the 10th April for his birthday, and we all went out for a meal which was lovely. After dinner we all went back to my Grandparents house for a while, i had the doppler that we'd borrowed from a friend, so we all sat round and had a listen to buttons heartbeat, and the little kicks and wiggles. It was lovely because it was only the second or third time iv seen my dad since i've been pregnant, so it was nice to be able to involve him in something.

Our living situation is a bit strange at the moment. We kept finding things that need doing with the house, which are each going to be quite costly. Such as, the heating is stuck on full, we don't seem to be able to do anything about it. Its literally unbearable at the moment, i can hardly breathe in there. Things need fixing in the bathroom, and in the kitchen etc. A lot of time and effort (and money) needs to be put into it. We are trying to decide what to do for the best. In the mean time we have come to stay with my sister in her new house. We plan to go back to the house regularly to do work on it. Our options will then be to either:

*Move back in and try to settle.

* Do enough to rent the house out, then find a little place of our own.

* Do enough to get the house on the market, and try and get it sold.

I think i am personally definitely edging towards moving. Adam already lived there before we got together, and i just really like the idea of us choosing somewhere together, boxing everything up, getting rid of all the junk that we don't need, and moving somewhere that we can have a fresh start with our baby. I'm just totally in love with the idea of choosing somewhere together, getting in and making decisions about what to put where etc. Its a part of growing up that i feel like i haven't done yet.

While we are staying with Abi, we are switching everything off at the house to save a bit of money, Adams now catching a train to work, as the new house is only a couple of miles to the station, so its saving him a lot on petrol money. The extra money will definitely help a lot over the coming months. Our kitten has just had an accident, which has cost £300 in vets bills. Abi was thankfully able to pay that for us, so we now have that to pay back, along with close to £1000 worth of baby stuff we had still planned to get, and the costs that are going to come with the work on the house.

Its all quite exciting, but I'm having to concentrate hard on keeping it feeling like an adventure, rather than a scary chore. I just want to know that we're going to be settled, happy and ready when Button arrives. I'm sure everything will turn out OK in the end.

We are going to have a wander this evening to explore a lovely little local pub we spotted the other day, we're going to sit outside with a drink and have a really good discussion about what we plan to do.

We are actually really enjoying this new town, there are plenty of things around, such as a massive new leisure centre with swimming pool, two nurseries, a big Asda, lots of little cafe's, an indoor shopping centre, a garage, chinease, indian and pizza resturants, lots of little pubs and the town centre, all within walking distance. We've already done some exploring and are looking forward to venturing a little more this everning.

We got a message the other day, from my friend who owns the baby shop, she had got the 'Millie and Boris' changing station in. In the Mamas and Papas shop it sells for £130, and she had it for sale for £45! Iv been thinking for a while that it might be a nice idea to have one of these. if we stayed in our current house, we could have it in the living room (which is on the middle floor). It has a bath, changing mat and shelves, which would be useful to save us constantly going up and downstairs. Also, the bath and changing mat will be useful for me to be able to use standing, because i struggle with back pain and wouldn't be good with bending to much. If we were with Abi for a while after Button was born, we could keep it in our room. Wherever we are, i think we would find it majorly useful. Adams mum had said that she would like to buy us a bath set, so Adam mentioned it to her the other day and she kindly said she would buy it for us. Which was lovely, as i knew it wouldn't stay in the shop for long! So we collected it yesterday!

I spent quite a while this morning planning the book i am having made for the baby. We're going to have it printed in hardback, and it'll take pride of place in the nursery. The idea is to have photos of all the family, pets, homes etc with writing about each person. We are going to write about our wedding, our jobs, hobbies, the pregnancy and include the scan photos etc. I think it'll be lovely to be able to show Button when he/she is older, how excited we are about meeting them :)

Well, i think iv written everything i was planning to, but there may end up being another couple of small posts this evening, as i remember things that i haven't included.

Please feel free to write comments or questions etc, so i know that there are still people out there actually reading me natter away to myself!

Love love love xxxx

8 + 4!

I cant believe we are already 8 weeks and four days pregnant! Its gone pretty quick really. The sickness is still terrible, especially on bus journeys, and i am weeing almost constantly (except when the midwife asks me to, which is annoying!). Today's sample was nothing short of embarrassing, it didn't even cover the powder stuff in the bottom of the pot! So she's given me a pot to bring home and do as homework. Ha ha. I only went this morning to repeat my blood test really, which i was fabulous at yet again! (proud!!)
My friend had her 12 week scan yesterday and its got me so excited! Its such a clear picture! You can see the baby's bottom lip, and little toes and everything in so much detail! It just doesn't seem real that our baby will be that developed in only 3.5 weeks! We absolutely cannot wait for our scan, its going to be amazing knowing that we will see button in such detail. Last time was exciting, but we were sort of prepared to not be able to see much, whereas this time will be totally different. I'm really hoping that our appointment will be on valentines day, it would be so special.
My energy levels seemed to be a little better for a few days, but I'm working a 6 day week this week, and every day has been 100% hectic, so I'm feeling pretty shattered and ready for a day off! I really need to try and get stuff done on Thursday though, every night i come home and collapse on the sofa, so i could really do with a day of housework to catch up a bit again.
On a positive financial note, Adam had bought me an iMac computer for my birthday, which he had put on finance, with everything that's been going on i haven't even opened it yet, and it was mainly for my recording studio, which isn't a priority anymore. We were really doubtful that we'd have any chance of cancelling the contract, but Adam rang last night, and we have returned the mac tonight, and managed to cancel everything. Which is going to save us quite a bit of money!

Will let you all know as soon as we get our Scan date :)

and P.S Just checked my blog stats, and iv almost had 700 views :')

Love love love xxxxxx

5+6??

I'm beginning to get myself a little concerned. I am only supposedly 5 weeks + 6 days, yet i seem to be getting a pretty solid bump. Adam held it last night, and everyone at work has been having a look and a feel today and everyone thinks i may be a fair amount further than that. People have been commenting lots. I have explained that i did eat a fair amount over Christmas, but normally, when i put weight on, it spreads all over, hips, thighs, bum, face, arms usually. This can be mistaken for nothing but a very tidy bump. Its quite hard too, not flabby or anything. So i rang the doctors today and explained, and she's brought my Midwife appointment forward by a week, therefore i still have two weeks left to wait :(
I'll maybe take a photo later on and put it on.
It would be quite exciting to be closer to my 12 week mark than i thought, but we have lots of saving to do so i don't want to wish the time away!
All this has been making me think allot lately, my last period was freakishly short for me. Usually they would last a minimum of 6 days, and often go on for 7 or 8, but my last one was only 2.5 days :/ so maybe i am further than we think, only time will tell.
Adams made a fantastic spreadsheet at work today, with all our incomings and outgoings on. Its pretty scary to see it all written down like that. Things are going to be tight. Every spare penny we have needs to go towards Button :)

Adam told a couple of his work friends today, and it made me laugh how he said it. Here's how it went:
ADAM: Did u have a nice Christmas Linda?
LINDA: Yes thanks did you? What did you get?
ADAM: Ooo lots of things, A phone, a razor, a sander, a baby, a chocolate orange..
LINDA: A what???
ADAM: A chocolate orange :/ :p
This made me chuckle lots!
Anyway, i might blog a again in a bit more detail later (not that there's much more to say) but for the moment, i can barely keep my eyes open, It is heading on for 7pm after all! :p

xxxxxx