D day!! The calm before the storm!

Well, we made it! Its 2:15am and today is Buttons due date! After all the doctors, nurses and midwives that warned us to prepare for a premature delivery, there is still no sign!

I actually feel a little annoyed that because of this, i finished work so early. In actual fact i probably could have done an extra few weeks had i have known. I was, however beginning to struggle towards the end though so maybe it was for the best.

I thought id write this post to try and describe how I'm feeling now my due date has arrived, but i really don't know how to. I almost feel like I'm living in a bubble at the moment, I've got so many different emotions racing through me it almost doesn't feel real. I have felt an unusual sense of calm today, i assume its probably some natural hormone that's kicked in..

Its weird to think that i have spent the majority of my life being absolutely petrified of what i am about to do, and yet now, i am a matter of days or even hours away from it actually happening i feel the calmest i have about it in years. I guess the feeling of excitement is just taking over.

Having said that, i do keep having my little moments. I was laid in bed earlier and i went to read an app on my phone that I've been using for the whole of my pregnancy. It gives daily updates of whats happening in the little world of Button. Over the past months i have watched the countdown of days on this app, and it feels like only days ago we were beginning the countdown from 100. When i looked at it earlier, and instead of seeing a number of days remaining i saw the words 'delivery day'... it really hit me! Today is the day i have been focused on for the whole of this year, and its actually here!

I continued to read the daily update on my phone, and got into a little panic when i was reading how 'unbearable' the pain can get etc. I had a little cry and a snuggle with Adam and talked again about my fears and the sort of birth i want him to help me to achieve, and now I'm back to feeling calm again.

I'm also very over-emotional at the moment, i guess its just because i know our lives are about to change so much forever. Its so amazingly exciting, but scary at the same time. We now have the little moses basket in our (newly decorated and carpeted) bedroom! Whenever i turn over in the night and see it there next to my bed it makes me feel tearful. I've been to a couple of shops today too, and felt strangely emotional looking at the tiny clothes. All these months I've been looking at the girls, and the boys clothes and wondering which it'll be, now I'm days from finally knowing!

Whenever i do get these little panics there's always two things i want to do, the first, is to go back and read my very first blog post, or even a previous blog i used to write. It reminds me that i have spent my whole life waiting to be a mummy, and it just fills me with excitement again. The second thing is to visit my new niece. Looking at that little face just shows me exactly why i am doing this. When i had the contractions last week, i went round for a snuggle with her, and while ever i was holding her, i just concentrated on her tiny little frame and it made them seem so much less painful.

All the way through my pregnancy, Adam has been hoping that the baby will be at least a day late, so that its born in September and will therefore be the oldest in the year at school instead of the youngest. He was one of the youngest and he hated it, so its something he feels really strongly about. It is beginning to appear that he may get his wish after all! There is exactly 21.5 hours to go until September, and it doesn't feel like anythings going to be happening any time soon!

I'm booked in at the hospital tomorrow, which is something I'm a little nervous about. I have got a scan at 10:30, so they can have a look and get a rough idea of Buttons size and weight, then a consultation at 11:30 to discuss the results. This is where it will be decided whether i am going to have a Section, be induced, or just have a sweep. One of those things will definitely be happening tomorrow!

Adams coming with me, but I've asked my mum to come along to the consultation too, as an extra pair of ears and extra support. She has had medical training so will probably understand everything they tell me a lot better than i do.

I think its going to feel strange tonight, getting the car seat strapped in, and putting my hospital bag in the boot. Tomorrow morning might be the last time i leave this house before returning with my little pudding :)

I'm really quite nervous about the scan part of tomorrow. It almost feels like waiting to be hung, the fact that i am going to be told in lb and oz what size person i have got to attempt to bring into the world. I'm worried that if they tell me the baby is really big, I'll go back to feeling panicked, and lose my cool.

We nipped to Tesco's tonight, to get a few bits of food in that will last for when i get back from hospital. I saw the most gorgeous baby girl dress! Adam is under strict instructions to go straight out and buy it, ready to bring to the hospital for visiting time if Button is a girl!

So, this probably really will be the last blog post before our baby is finally here, or at least until I'm in labour (I'd like to try and do a short post during the first stage of labour if possible).

I would just like to say a big thank you to all of you out there who have followed me through this journey. I've had amazing support from so many of you. Friends, family and even total strangers sending me messages of support and advice!

I started this blog mainly just as a kind of Diary, so that Adam and I can look back over the experience, and eventually one day, share it with Button too. I never imagined that it would end up being read (and enjoyed) by so many people! I've received over 50 messages from people i don't even know, saying how they are enjoying reading it. I now have readers in over 17 different countries, which seems unreal to me!

I have to say though, if it wasn't for my friend Lizz, these memories would probably have been nothing but a few scribbled notes in a pregnancy and baby book. She's the one who inspired me to do it, as i enjoyed (and still do) reading hers so much!

So, i send my love to all of you! I know this sounds weird but i feel in a way like you've all watched me grow up! Followed me, while i start my journey into motherhood. Well, this is it! I'll see you on the other side!!

XxXxXxXxXxXx

The end is near. 29+5

Well i have finally come to some decisions. Deciding when to leave work has proven pretty tough for me. I've decided to just do what everyone's telling me to and call it a day. I'm at the hospital for another scan tomorrow, so wont be getting to work until between 12:30-1:30, then I've got two full days, Wednesday and Friday, then two hours on Saturday, then I'm done!

Iv got my three weeks holiday starting on Monday, then my maternity following straight on from the 19th July. I will be 34 weeks pregnant when my maternity starts, so using 6 weeks before my due date, which is a lot more than I'd originally hoped. Two main things I'm trying to focus on though:

1) There is a very high chance that the baby is going to be early, so i might not end up using 6 weeks before the birth anyway.

2) This is the most important time for me to be looking after Button. As nice as it would be to have lots of time with together after he/she is born, its more important that i take care of us now.

I have been looking forward to this time for ages, finally coming to the point where i can finish work for potentially a year, and have lots of exciting time getting things ready, and spending time with my little person. Now its coming down to it, i actual feel quite sad about leaving work. I really do love my job and the people i work with, and I'm just realising I'm going to be spending a lot of time alone over the next few weeks. I'm really going to miss all my friends from work, and i know that some of them aren't going to be there when i get back, which is hard.

I've been thinking a lot over the past few days though, and I've decided that I'm going to try and spend a lot of the time before the baby arrives, visiting friends and seeing people i haven't seen for a long time. I'd like to try and rebuild relationships that have fizzled slightly over the past few years. It would be nice to have plenty of people to spend time with while I'm off, especially as i have a few friends who have babies too. I want to aim to try and get out of the house at least once a day with Button, even if its just for a walk round the village. I plan to do lots of little trips, into town, swimming, to the library and parks etc. It'll be good exercise, and good to socialise and teach Button lots. I don't want to be just stuck at home whenever i can help it.

So, approximately 21 hours of working left, before i officially become a full time mummy :) Exciting/Scary/Amazing times ahead :) xxx

28+6

Its 4:40am and yet again i have been up for well over an hour. I'm at work today though so going to try and get a bit more rest before i go. I do find that when I'm struggling this much to sleep, often i am better to get up for a while and potter about or get something to eat rather than just laying there in bed.

I am nearly 29 weeks pregnant and so much has happened in the past week. I went from work to my usual antenatal appointment with heather on Wednesday at 11am. When i got there i discovered that Heather was off sick, so i had another midwife instead.

I got in, and did the usual blood pressure and urine tests etc. There was still protein in my wee, so it has been sent off to the lab yet again. The midwife listened to the baby and took my blood, then spent a while looking at my growth charts. She was quite concerned and said that i needed to be seen for my growth scan, and to be monitored more closely by the hospital.

I booked another appointment with Heather for three weeks time, and went outside to find out how i was going to get to the hospital. I phoned Adam and my mum to let them know what was happening, mum was going to be at work for a while longer, so Adam came and fetched me. We got to the hospital and headed straight for the scan department. It was lovely to see Button again, we saw all his her tiny little fingers and toes, it was magic!

When we first went into the room the Sonographer asked us if we knew the sex, and we told her we didn't. After a few minutes of scanning she said 'I just need to get a measurement of her legs'. My heart stopped, i looked straight at Adam, wondering if he'd noticed. I waited a few minutes to see if she said anything else, and then i asked her so say (without giving it away) whether she had been able to tell the sex. She said she hadn't looked, so that she wouldn't give anything away, so i assume it was just a passing comment.

She took all measurements and baby seems to be the perfect size, apart from having a slightly tubby little tummy, but nothing above average, and more to the point the head circumference is perfect :D (sigh of relief!)

We came out of the scan, and the sonographer disappeared for a few minutes to make a phone call. She came back and told us that we needed to head down to the Pregnancy Assessment unit.

When we got there, they asked me to lie on the bed, and they strapped two monitors around my bump, they then put a little button in my hand and told me to press it every time i felt the baby move. She left me there for a while, and we could hear Buttons heartbeat and all the kicks and wriggles which was lovely.

We could here Lois, the midwife on the phone just outside our curtain. She made me panic a bit because she was talking about me, and using lots of medical terms that i didn't understand. We then heard her say 'i need a doctor to come and explain everything to the lady and explain why we've got to do it'.

I looked straight at Adam, panic stricken. I had no idea what they were going to do to me and now felt petrified.

Lois came over to us, she sat down at my bedside and put her hand on my leg. She explained that the scan had showed that iv now got a lot of fluid again, and that there were a few tests they had got to do to make sure everything was OK. She said that the doctor was coming to talk to us, and warned me that some of the things that the doctor was going to say to us would sound quite scary, but we should try not to get too worried.

The doctor had a very strong accent, and spoke very quickly, and i was trying so hard to concentrate on everything she said, but really struggled to get my head around a lot of it.

She basically said that because i am measuring at 7 weeks ahead of what i should be, and because my 'fluid levels' were at the limit i am now at risk of premature delivery, as the membranes could just give, so basically my waters could break at any time. At this point, i was trying to digest all of this, but the doctor went on to say there are other risks, such as my cord could drop low down and i could end up having to have an emergency cesarean. (Which has always been one of my biggest fears). I was told that I'm going to be very closely monitored from now on, with extra consultations and scans every couple of weeks.

I had to go back on Friday for a series of other tests. They have tested for gestational diabetes, TB, Toxomaplosis, Rubella, Common colds and some other bits and bobs, and general infections. I had to do a 14 hour starve, and have a further two blood tests! So i am now awaiting all of these results, as well as my urine ones too!

I now have another scan booked in for next Tuesday to monitor how things are going.

After speaking to several people, we have come to the decision that it would be in mine and babies best interests to bring my maternity leave forwards. Which i really didn't want to do, as id rather have more time with the baby at the end, but i have been rightly reminded that now is the most important time for me, and the baby, to make sure we are both as healthy as possible, and its more important for me to ensure that every things going right now. So i am meeting with Shawna today, and possibly making my last day 15th July, instead of 3rd August. Two weeks of that is holiday so its still not massively early, just more than i had originally planned.

Its 5:35 now and I'm going to try and get another hour and a half sleep before work. I'm hoping its going to be a calmer Tuesday than usual though, as we have only got one clinic running, compared with the usual three.

They are really looking after me at work now, and making sure i spend the majority of time sitting down to take the pressure off my bump.

So in conclusion, I'm feeling very strange after the weeks events, i cant believe that the baby could literally make an appearance at any time! When i think of it like that i feel so unprepared. I'm going to make a start on getting my hospital bag ready now just in case. We went to the hospital last night for an antenatal class (which wasn't on!) and were given a tour round the birthing suites. They are lovely and have made me feel more excited about the big day.

I'll make sure i keep you all up to date with any news!

Love love love xxx

Who needs sleep? 27 +3

Well, its 5:15 and i am sitting here apparently physically unable to sleep any longer, even though i didn't settle down until 1am, and have already been awake for an hour! This however though, is considered a very successful night!

We are currently on our final morning of our little holiday to Norfolk, which i want to talk a little bit about, as it is our final holiday without having our miniature human with us. (Obviously Buttons with us, but currently not causing us a great deal of trouble.)

We set off at about 5:30 on Wednesday night and arrived at about 8:30. We had pizza and chips and a catch up with my dad, and his girlfriend Sue and then chilled in front of the telly for a while. I got a little overheated so headed out onto the balcony with a drink and one of my pregnancy books which was beautifully relaxing.

That night i hardly slept at all. which was a difficult result to say i was in one of the comfiest beds iv experienced for a long time. I was wide awake until about 5:15am (as was Adam, trying to help get me to sleep bless him) and i finally nodded off, but was tossing and turning before waking again at 8am.

There was a problem this month with my pay, it was the first month of me being activated on a new payroll, and there had been a problem which meant that i didn't get paid when i should have done, last Friday. However, i had been promised that i would receive the money by Thursday, so we'd set off to Norfolk penniless ( Abi had to bring us as we didn't even have the money for petrol).

I had been told on the phone that work had been battling to ensure my pay would be in by Thursday, otherwise it would be an additional 10 days! When we all got up on Thursday morning i checked my account and there was still nothing in it. I usually contribute largely towards the mortgage and bills, and so Adam had paid everything out of his account, which left that empty too. We then both had direct debits taken out, which left us both overdrawn, so we will both be getting bank charges. I ended up in tears, as i thought we were going to spend the entire holiday not able to do a thing. Dad and Sue were out at work, we were only be going to see them in the evenings, so we would have literally been stuck in the house with nothing to do. I checked the bank again at 12pm and there was still nothing in there. I decided we might as well have a walk to the seaside, even if it only ended up being literally a walk. Abi had got a bit of money that she said she could lend us, but i was worrying that any money we could borrow should probably used for the final bills which will be coming out on Monday, rather than ice cream and arcade games.

It took about 40 minutes to drive to the Sherringham, we walked for a few minutes before heading to the nearest cash point. Thankfully, my money had gone in just after 1pm, which has meant that we have finally been able to enjoy the last few days of our time off worry free.

We pottered in and out of a few seaside gift shops and bought a little picnic from a local bakery. We then headed down and ate our lunch on the seafront. The weather was beautiful!

We walked around for the rest of the afternoon pottering in and out of shops and soaking up the seaside atmosphere hand in hand, before heading back to dads.

We had a delicious steak for dinner, and then piled into the car and headed out, dad was treating us to a trip to a 'cinema with a difference'. We arrived at an old fashioned looking building at around 8pm, it was beautifully decorated inside, with old stone walls and mahogany counters. We collected our sweets, and tickets for 'Pirates of the Caribbean 4' and headed into the bar. After a few minutes we took our drinks, (which was a pint of larger in the cases of dad, Adam and Abi), and headed into the theatre with our 3D glasses. It was a tiny little room, unlike any Odeon. Adams pick 'n' mix had vanished by about the third trailer!

I think Button got a bit over excited by the exciting music that accompanied the film, as he/she was bopping about all over the place in there!

We got back at about 11:30, dad and Sue headed off to bed and the three of us sat in the lounge with a drink for a little while. I slept amazingly well, and got about 7 solid hours, which is a total record from over the past few weeks!

We got up yesterday morning at 9:30 and headed out at

about 11. We drove into Norwich city centre for a wander around the shops which was lovely. The first shop i saw when we heading into the centre was a giant Mother care! We spent ages in there. There were some beautiful things. It was lovely to see Adam (and Abi) getting excited over tiny little outfits.

One outfit that i have been admiring for a while, is a little 'Humphrey's corner' dress. It isn't cheap, but i have decided that if Buttons a girl, and they still stock it by the time she arrives, mummy will definitely be treating her to it!

We walked around the shops for a couple of hours, before setting off to spend the rest of the afternoon in Great Yarmouth. When we arrived there, we had a game of 18 hole Pirate themed Crazy Golf, which was amazingly fun and took quite some time to complete! Button got quite competitive!

We then walked around the amusements for a couple of hours. Adam won £15 on a fruit machine and Abi and I got hooked on a duck-themed 2p machine, and won 3 rubber ducks and one fluffy duck, for Button.

It was past 5pm by this time so we nipped across to a stall, Adam got a giant ice cream, i got a Slush and Abi got a Hot Chocolate and we headed back to the car.

We got back to Dad and Sue and had another lovely meal with them before chilling out on the sofa for a couple of hours. We said our goodbyes to dad at about 9:45, and they headed off for an early night, as he was out for work at 4 this morning. At 10:10 Adam and I decided to head out for a romantic stroll to check out the little local pubs in the village. We walked for about half an hour and then found a lovely little pub with a live band, and pretty lights outside. We bought drinks and sat out and chatted about our plans for the near future.

After some lovely long conversations about money, parenting and labour etc we headed across to a kebab shop over the road and got Adam some supper, (which i happily stole half of).

We got completely lost on the way back and ended up wandering around chatting for around and extra 45 minutes! We headed off to bed when we got back, and Adam read his 'A blokes Guide to Pregnancy' book for a while.

I'm not sure yet what we are doing today, i was hoping to build sandcastles at some point, but the weathers not looking too sparkling. On our way home later, we're calling in at Grantham to see my Grandparents, who we very rarely get to see these days. I think we're having dinner there. Adams been tracking our family tree, and has managed to get back to 1550, so he's very much looking forward to long discussions with my Grandad.

I don't know how last nights lack of sleep is going to affect me today, I'm feeling pretty exhausted, and its still only 6:15 so i might head back to bed and see if i can grab another hour, although at least I've got the 3 hour car ride to possibly get some rest this afternoon.

I really am starting to worry about going back to work now though. 2-3 hours sleep a night isn't such an issue when i can rest throughout the day, but I'm dreading how I'm going to feel adding a full time job onto that amount of sleep deprivation. I also now weigh approximately the same as 12 double Decker buses, so I'm having to rest after every few steps at the moment, and I'm finding myself a little breathless at times too.

I'm trying to keep a positive mind with the work thing though, after all, i love my job and the people i work with and its only another 7 weeks of actual work! I'm sure it'll fly by. I'm still quite glad about the choices iv made regarding my maternity leave. I'll be working right up to 36 weeks, using two weeks holidays and then starting maternity at 38 weeks! Which means I'll have lots of time with Button when he/she is here.

Just to confuse everyone, I'm now going to take my blog post back to Wednesday afternoon, before we set off on our little Holiday. We spent most of the afternoon at the hospital for our two appointments. I had my Physiotherapy first, which was useful in some ways, as i was given bump support bands and exercises to try, but i didn't really gain as much as I'd hoped for. I got no answers about the RLS, and no answers really as to what can help with all the pain, but hopefully if i persist with the exercises, they'll help to ease it in the long run.

Secondly we had the all important visit to the hospital midwives, to get my bump remeasured. Bare in mind that two weeks previous, i had been measured at 29-30 weeks, i am now measuring at 35! It was another different midwife today, who confirmed that my tummy muscles are 'incredibly strong' and so therefore its hard to feel where the baby is. She did however manage to tell us the position of the head, which is still incredibly low.

She decided that it is probably for the best that we arrange a growth scan, to see if Button really is a little porker, or if I'm gaining lots of fluid, or if its just a generally big bump. She said one of the main concerns could be that I'm developing/have developed Gestational diabetes, so its quite important that we get everything checked out. It'll be lovely to see the baby again anyway, as long as the sex isn't revealed!

The midwife told me that id be receiving a phone call with my appointment for the scan, as they couldn't fit me in that afternoon. Shortly after we left, i had a phone call asking if we could make it on Friday, when i explained that we were away she said she'd try for another appointment and call me back, which she hasn't done. I'll give them a ring on Monday morning and chase it up.

Well, this has probably been one of my longest ever posts! Its now 6:31 so at least iv killed some time of being up alone. One positive thing about the lack of sleep is that i definately feel i'll be ready for all the night feeds, i'll be pretty used to only having a couple of hours a night by the time Buttons here!

I'm going to attempt to get comfy and sleep a little bit longer now, as i imagine Adam and Abi will probably snooze for another couple of hours yet.

Love love love,

Mummy Elce and Baby Button xxx

Lots to tell... 21+4

Yet again, i have failed miserably as a blogger! I cant believe it has been nearly two weeks! May i begin this post by firstly congratulating a friend of ours, Lizz, and her partner Mitch, on the birth of their beautiful daughter Alice. Lizz was the one who inspired me to start this blog, i love every second of reading hers, and its nice to compare our pregnancies and to know that everything that's happening with me, is experienced by others too. Alice is a credit to them both, a truly wonderful little person!

So many things have happened since i last blogged, iv got a feeling this may turn into quite a long post!
We have now had our 20 week scan (13/4/11), which felt really strange. That is the last time we will see our baby until he/she is actually in our arms! And yes, we (or at least Adam) managed to stay strong enough to keep Buttons sex a surprise. I cant help thinking that if id have been there on my own, i may have buckled and found out, but Adam was determined we would have a surprise. I have decided i am going to ask the midwives to let Adam announce the sex to me when Button arrives. I just think this would make a lovely bond between us as a family, i cant think of a nicer way to finally find out, than for Adam to be the one to tell me.

The scan started off really well, they measured Button (who was 30cm including those great long legs!!), they checked the heart and its chambers, the spine, the face. Pretty much everything. It was amazing to see our little person on that screen again. The lady then said she needed to check the head, to get measurements, and to check the baby's brain. She was pressing on my tummy for a while, looking really puzzled. Apparently the baby's head was so far down, she couldn't scan that low in my pelvis to see properly.
This worried me a bit. Surely the head shouldn't be that low at this stage? I asked her if it was normal. She didn't give and answer of yes or no, she simply said that they manage to get into all sorts of positions in there. I'm hoping she would have told me if it was something to be worried about.
After about 20 minutes of scanning, she asked me to go for a ten minute walk, and to eat a mars bar, to try and encourage Button to change positions. I spent the whole ten minutes pacing up and down corridors, rubbing my tummy and hoping that they would move. When we went back in things were exactly the same. She made be lay on my side, then the other side, then she put cushions under me to tip me backwards, nothing was working.
Knowing that she was trying to check the baby's brain, i was getting more and more concerned with her puzzled silence. Part of my brain (the cerebellum) is damaged and i was getting really worried that this may also be the case with the baby, or something similar.
Eventually, she managed to get a good enough view to check everything she needed to, although it was still a struggle. Everything is fine. This was the biggest relief ever! We came away with two updated pictures of Button. They aren't as clear as the 12 weeks scan due to Buttons increase in size! In total, we were in the scan for well over an hour!

It feels so strange to be over half way there! Time is flying by at such an unbelievable pace!

We have also had a second hospital appointment, for an extra consultation. I have got to attend a few of these because of my 'added difficulties'. We actually found it a really helpful appointment, well worth the visit. I have been in serious amounts of pain with my legs and lower back. I literally cant be standing for long at all and im really in pain. The doctor said that at this stage of pregnancy, the majority of women are struggling with these sorts of pains anyway, but adding that to the problems i already have ( I have mild Cerebal Palsy, which includes having very wonky hips, knees and ankles) there is no wonder i am struggling so much. I had physiotherapy for many years as a child. I always had to wear big plastic supports in my shoes, and in my mid-teens i even had to wear straps up my legs.The doctor referred me for urgent physiotherapy, which she said i will recieve a letter about and may be starting in as early as a weeks time! She also prescribed me with some stronger pain relief, for when it gets unbarable, and told me to just stay off my feet whenever possible. She said that its probably going to get much worse, as i get bigger, so i feel so relieved that something is going to be done about it.

The past few days have brought some really strong kicks from Button. Its amazing how it has changed so dramatically in literally a matter of days. Its gone from a funny little fluttery feeling to definite movements and kicks. I find myself holding my tummy a lot of the time, especially in my sleep, and i have actually felt it on my hand now, and even seen my tummy move! Adam hasn't felt it yet, which is really starting to frustrate me. I always get him to put his hand straight on as soon as we feel anything, but then it stops.

My dad came over on the 10th April for his birthday, and we all went out for a meal which was lovely. After dinner we all went back to my Grandparents house for a while, i had the doppler that we'd borrowed from a friend, so we all sat round and had a listen to buttons heartbeat, and the little kicks and wiggles. It was lovely because it was only the second or third time iv seen my dad since i've been pregnant, so it was nice to be able to involve him in something.

Our living situation is a bit strange at the moment. We kept finding things that need doing with the house, which are each going to be quite costly. Such as, the heating is stuck on full, we don't seem to be able to do anything about it. Its literally unbearable at the moment, i can hardly breathe in there. Things need fixing in the bathroom, and in the kitchen etc. A lot of time and effort (and money) needs to be put into it. We are trying to decide what to do for the best. In the mean time we have come to stay with my sister in her new house. We plan to go back to the house regularly to do work on it. Our options will then be to either:

*Move back in and try to settle.

* Do enough to rent the house out, then find a little place of our own.

* Do enough to get the house on the market, and try and get it sold.

I think i am personally definitely edging towards moving. Adam already lived there before we got together, and i just really like the idea of us choosing somewhere together, boxing everything up, getting rid of all the junk that we don't need, and moving somewhere that we can have a fresh start with our baby. I'm just totally in love with the idea of choosing somewhere together, getting in and making decisions about what to put where etc. Its a part of growing up that i feel like i haven't done yet.

While we are staying with Abi, we are switching everything off at the house to save a bit of money, Adams now catching a train to work, as the new house is only a couple of miles to the station, so its saving him a lot on petrol money. The extra money will definitely help a lot over the coming months. Our kitten has just had an accident, which has cost £300 in vets bills. Abi was thankfully able to pay that for us, so we now have that to pay back, along with close to £1000 worth of baby stuff we had still planned to get, and the costs that are going to come with the work on the house.

Its all quite exciting, but I'm having to concentrate hard on keeping it feeling like an adventure, rather than a scary chore. I just want to know that we're going to be settled, happy and ready when Button arrives. I'm sure everything will turn out OK in the end.

We are going to have a wander this evening to explore a lovely little local pub we spotted the other day, we're going to sit outside with a drink and have a really good discussion about what we plan to do.

We are actually really enjoying this new town, there are plenty of things around, such as a massive new leisure centre with swimming pool, two nurseries, a big Asda, lots of little cafe's, an indoor shopping centre, a garage, chinease, indian and pizza resturants, lots of little pubs and the town centre, all within walking distance. We've already done some exploring and are looking forward to venturing a little more this everning.

We got a message the other day, from my friend who owns the baby shop, she had got the 'Millie and Boris' changing station in. In the Mamas and Papas shop it sells for £130, and she had it for sale for £45! Iv been thinking for a while that it might be a nice idea to have one of these. if we stayed in our current house, we could have it in the living room (which is on the middle floor). It has a bath, changing mat and shelves, which would be useful to save us constantly going up and downstairs. Also, the bath and changing mat will be useful for me to be able to use standing, because i struggle with back pain and wouldn't be good with bending to much. If we were with Abi for a while after Button was born, we could keep it in our room. Wherever we are, i think we would find it majorly useful. Adams mum had said that she would like to buy us a bath set, so Adam mentioned it to her the other day and she kindly said she would buy it for us. Which was lovely, as i knew it wouldn't stay in the shop for long! So we collected it yesterday!

I spent quite a while this morning planning the book i am having made for the baby. We're going to have it printed in hardback, and it'll take pride of place in the nursery. The idea is to have photos of all the family, pets, homes etc with writing about each person. We are going to write about our wedding, our jobs, hobbies, the pregnancy and include the scan photos etc. I think it'll be lovely to be able to show Button when he/she is older, how excited we are about meeting them :)

Well, i think iv written everything i was planning to, but there may end up being another couple of small posts this evening, as i remember things that i haven't included.

Please feel free to write comments or questions etc, so i know that there are still people out there actually reading me natter away to myself!

Love love love xxxx

Exciting stuff!

I woke up on Friday morning (after a not so good nights sleep) with the most intense feeling of butterflies in my stomach. It felt quite similar to the morning of our wedding. We had a nice snuggle, and each set off for work. I nipped into Subway for a quick breakfast, i was almost bouncing off the walls with excitement! I only had to work for about 40 minutes before i headed off for the train station. I had a wee before i left work, and decided that would be my last one. I sat on the train, sipping my litre bottle of water, trying to decide how many photos we should buy of Button, they were £2.50 each, so i though we could spend about £15 and get 6 photos. I got off the train at about 10:35, our appointment wasn't until 11:30, so i headed up to college to meet Adam at work. The walk made me realise that i was actually quite desperate for a wee. I kept thinking, last time we went we were kept waiting for about 30 minutes after our appointment time. I didn't think i could wait a potential hour, and then have someone pressing on my tummy, so i went to the loo at 10:45!! :/

I then started guzzling the rest of my water, and when we got to the waiting area i managed to down about an extra 4 cups too. We were called it pretty much bang on time, and i couldn't get in that room quick enough, Adam gave me a kiss and a little squeeze on my hand and i hopped up onto the bed. The lady said she needed to find the baby first, then she would turn the screen so i could have a look. Adam was staring straight at the screen, gripping onto my hand. I stared straight at his face to see his first reaction. Pretty much as soon as she touched my tummy Adam gasped and his whole face lit up. She turned the screen and i saw button straight away. My eyes filled up instantly and i looked back at Adam, he was welling up too. Buttons a total wriggler! The little legs we kicking all over. The lady drew a line from the top of Buttons head to its bottom, and told me i was 13 weeks and two days, and baby was just over 7cm long! We sat watching the screen, amazed! Then the best thing ever happened, baby turned its head towards us, stuck its arm in the air and wiggled its hand! 'Its waving at us!' i shouted, crying even more! As she moved further over my tummy we saw these two long bits, at first i though one was the cord, but then we noticed properly formed feet at the end! I couldn't believe it! Iv never seen legs like that on a scan photo! The little heart was fluttering nice and strongly too! It was the best feeling in the world! I could have laid there forever and watched our tiny baby on that screen! We asked for 6 photos, and she only charged us £10 for them. Iv literally spent the past two days staring at it. Iv got it as my wallpaper on my phone, and my display picture on facebook. Its soo nice for everyone to finally know, and us not have to worry about keeping quiet!

We've both been on cloud 9 since Friday, we went for a celebration dinner last night, and possibly even found a boys name! That's made things seem really exciting, i thought we were never going to find a compromise. We both really like it, so with a bit of luck, we may be almost sorted for names. We've still got two girls names we are deciding between!

So its been a magical few days! Everything feels so real now :)

I'm absolutely besotted! :)

xxxxxxxxx

Eeeeek! Buttons got a little Button nose!

Milly Driver :)

Iv just had my second driving lesson! I absolutely love it, i feel like i could drive round all day. Got up to 60pmh today, drove all around Cuckney, to and from Meden Vale, did junctions, hill starts etc. Loved every second! There were loads of cars out there which made me quite nervous to begin with, but it was amazing. The suns shining too, so driving round little country roads with the window down gave me such a buzz :) Iv already got loads of criteria ticked off!
Scan day tomorrow! I feel sick with excitement now! I cant stop thinking about it. This time tomorrow we will be showing off all our little pictures :)
I'm feeling quite productive today, but iv just got so much to do! I had a nice well needed lay in this morning, then had a walk to the shop and a little picnic in the sunshine. Then got ready for my lesson. Iv been out of the house for 90 minutes. Adam will be home in two hours, so I'm going to see what i can get done before then. Then I'm going to visit my Grandma tonight because its her birthday.
Iv had the sudden urge to get some baby stuff organised. At the moment, all the bits and bobs that we have bought are scattered around in different rooms. I want to get a little box to put everything in and keep it all together.
Iv literally got constant butterflies thinking about tomorrow! eeeek!
Don't think I'm going to get much sleep tonight some how!

Love love love

Best day yet!!!

Oh my goooodness! I am absolutely on a high!! Firstly, i had my First driving lesson last week, and did amazingly! I was driving all around Meden Vale, loads more confidently than I'd expected! John (Instructor) said that he would quite like me to drive to Worksop this week if i feel up to it! (And I'm not one to turn down a challenge!).
Secondly, i managed to finally get a date for our 12 weeks scan, This Friday at 11:15 (I'll be 13 weeks by then). I've been feeling so nervous about it, just wanting to know that everything is OK.
I had my midwife appointment today, i went into work for an hour and a half, and then caught the bus back and met Adam at the surgery. I hadn't had a wee for 2 hours, so i was convinced my sample would be much less embarrassing than the last two I'd attempted. Kelly's appointment was straight after ours, and as we were over half an hour late going in, we got chance to catch up with her in the waiting area for a while, which was lovely!
When we finally got called in, i did my wee sample (which was majorly impressive i might add!), had my blood pressure checked, went through my blood results etc. Apparently my blood group is A positive, and i have a really good blood count of 14.5. (Honestly, i have no idea what this means!). Heather said, the higher your count is to start with, the more exhausted you get when the baby starts stealing their share! So that very much explains my constant exhaustion! Heather then asked if we wanted to hear the baby's heartbeat!! I squealed and practically leaped onto the bed! She rolled my top up, and but jelly on my tummy, then started to press. It felt like forever, and i thought she was going to give up trying at one point. I was concentrating so hard on her face, trying to tell whether she was panicking or not. I couldn't look at Adam, i think i would have cried, Heather did look a bit worried at one point. After several heart stopping moments we heard it, as clear as anything. It was the best feeling in the world, and has made it all feel so much more real! After being given my proper 'Bounty pack' full of leaflets and brochures etc, and lots of snuggles with Adam, i headed back to work. We had a lovely afternoon at work, it was really busy so the time flew. I got a text on my dinner break from 'Gala Bingo'. We have only ever been there once before and had quite a good time. The text was to tell me that there was an offer on tonight, you could play all night for £5. I quite fancied a night out with Adam so i text him and suggested it. I had a really funny feeling that we ought to go, so i rang Adam after work and said i thought we should, it would be fun. We got a drink and some dinner once we were there and settled down for a couple of games. We won 3 games and a total of £160! Well worth the visit! :D
I am feeling so much better about Fridays scan after hearing that little heartbeat today, and i have a funny feeling I'm going to have sweet dreams tonight! :)

Whoop! Progress :)

I have got my first proper driving lesson tomorrow! I'm so excited, and determined, I'm going to do 3 hours a week, and have worked out that iv got about 20 weeks to crack on with it! I'm going to really get my head down to try and do it as quick as possible, to save money (£20 per hour!). Mum and Dad have both given me money towards it, thank goodness!
Stiiilll haven't had my scan date yet, and I'm 12 weeks this Friday!! (eeek). Chased it up with the hospital, and they claimed to never have received my midwife's letter! It was sent on the 18th Jan! So, instead of doing the simple thing and booking me in while i was on the phone, they said id got to ring Heather back, and get her to resend the letter, and then wait for them to write to me with a date. I rang nearly a week ago now and still haven't heard anything. Going to chase it up again tomorrow. Sickness is getting a lot better, and bump is getting bigger :) Other than that we are all pretty much the same :)

Love love love xxx

11 +4... prune!

There hasn't been a lot happening to really talk about over the past week or so. The sickness is dying down a little bit. It tends to only be in the evenings now, as I'm getting into bed i tend to lay there for 30 Min's ish feeling awful before i manage to nod off. Bus journeys and lunch times have become much easier.
The apple juice craving is back at its strongest! I am consuming at least 1litre a day, and I'm constantly thirsty.
The tiredness is easing slightly too, I'm still pretty sleepy, but better than i have been.
Kelly's had her scan today and found out that she's 13.5 weeks :) She's got 7 lovely photos and is feeling relieved that the first trimester is over.
I literally cannot wait for that feeling, just knowing that everything is perfect, and the 'dodgy' trimester over, would be the best feeling ever. The second trimester is supposed to be the nicest, energy levels should rise, and sickness should vanish with a bit of luck :)
Last week, Adam and I gathered up some courage and watched 'One born every minute'.. a documentary which shows women giving birth in different circumstances. This was such a big step for both of us, as we are both incredibly squeamish. Iv told Adam all along that its totally his decision whether or not he wants to be there for the birth, i know how bad he is and so will not force him to be there, i know i wouldn't like the idea of having to be around to watch it all. So i have left it that he will be there if he wants to be, if not i don't mind, I'll have my mum either way.The only thing iv said is that i want to know before hand whether he is planning to attend.
He came home from football last week and i had 'One born every minute' on when he came in. Id only just put it on, and was hiding behind a cushion and listening in case id switched it on during a graphic c-section or something. Adam immediately looked uncomfortable. I asked if i should switch it off and he said 'no, lets watch it'. We actually watched a little head come out and everything. I was brave, but still ducking behind a cushion every now and then. Adam sat and watched the whole thing! I was so proud of him!
I was in two minds as to whether watching it would be a good idea, i didn't want to freak myself out even more, but it actually made me feel a lot better. It was a pretty calm one for us to have started with.
We still haven't had our 12 week scan date yet, so I'm going to chase it up tomorrow just to make sure they haven't forgotten us. I'm really looking forward to it.
The weeks are going so fast its scary!
Adam bought his first ever baby items the other day!! Two cream baby grows.. a 'i love mummy' one with a bunny on, and an 'i love daddy' one with a teddy on! He also got a little cream hooded fleecy jumper with both the bunny and teddy on, it has ears on the hood! He was really excited about them, which was so lovely! I'll post photos of them tomorrow when iv charged the camera.
I think bump must have grown a bit the past week or so, this past week iv had a lot of comments from patients, asking when I'm due etc, they must be pretty convinced I'm pregnant and not just fat for them to comment! Threre's no hiding it now!
One lady was sat with her little girl, she said 'look lily, this lady's having a baby. It doesn't look like its going to be in her tummy for much longer!'.. She was so shocked when i told her I'm only 11 weeks! She has decided i am having at least 3 babies, and is coming back in 4 weeks to find out!
Button is now the size of a prune by the way, which i think is rather a cute thought :)
Anyway bed time for the Elce family :)

Night all, love love love xxxx

8 + 4!

I cant believe we are already 8 weeks and four days pregnant! Its gone pretty quick really. The sickness is still terrible, especially on bus journeys, and i am weeing almost constantly (except when the midwife asks me to, which is annoying!). Today's sample was nothing short of embarrassing, it didn't even cover the powder stuff in the bottom of the pot! So she's given me a pot to bring home and do as homework. Ha ha. I only went this morning to repeat my blood test really, which i was fabulous at yet again! (proud!!)
My friend had her 12 week scan yesterday and its got me so excited! Its such a clear picture! You can see the baby's bottom lip, and little toes and everything in so much detail! It just doesn't seem real that our baby will be that developed in only 3.5 weeks! We absolutely cannot wait for our scan, its going to be amazing knowing that we will see button in such detail. Last time was exciting, but we were sort of prepared to not be able to see much, whereas this time will be totally different. I'm really hoping that our appointment will be on valentines day, it would be so special.
My energy levels seemed to be a little better for a few days, but I'm working a 6 day week this week, and every day has been 100% hectic, so I'm feeling pretty shattered and ready for a day off! I really need to try and get stuff done on Thursday though, every night i come home and collapse on the sofa, so i could really do with a day of housework to catch up a bit again.
On a positive financial note, Adam had bought me an iMac computer for my birthday, which he had put on finance, with everything that's been going on i haven't even opened it yet, and it was mainly for my recording studio, which isn't a priority anymore. We were really doubtful that we'd have any chance of cancelling the contract, but Adam rang last night, and we have returned the mac tonight, and managed to cancel everything. Which is going to save us quite a bit of money!

Will let you all know as soon as we get our Scan date :)

and P.S Just checked my blog stats, and iv almost had 700 views :')

Love love love xxxxxx

The first big moment!

Well to say how hyped up I'd got myself about this mornings scan, i came out a little disappointed! :(

I had prepared myself for not seeing a great deal, as i am aware that Button is very tiny, but to be honest, i barely saw anything at all.

I actually managed a reasonable nights sleep last night, although i did wake up occasionally with sickening butterflies dancing around inside me, but not a bad night all in all.
I felt sick all the way to the hospital, literally dizzy with questions spinning in my head, but seeing Adams pure excitement made me feel a lot better.
By the time they finally took me in for my scan, i was bursting for a wee, so the cold jelly and pressing on my bladder almost proved to much. The radiographer worried me a little at first, i was trying to look on the screen, and she said "put your head back, I'll show you when i manage to see anything myself'". This made my head spin and the next few moments feel like a lifetime. Did she think there could be nothing to find? What if there was no baby?? I had to literally fight back the tears at this point. Finally she turned the screen. She showed up a fairly large grey area that was the pregnancy sac (ugh that word makes me feel sick), and a tiny white dot at the side (BUTTON!! :') ) I was trying to turn to see it properly without knocking her off of me, i so desperately wanted to see. I saw the little white spec for a mere second and she moved it. She told us that there was a good heartbeat, that button is in exactly the right place, and everything is going as it should be. I felt relieved but so disappointed at the same time, i really hoped to see more.
I thought, maybe i would see better on the photo, when i could look at it from a decent angle for as long as i needed, but we didn't even get one. It was all a bit of a rush, but now, looking back, I'm really quite upset that we didn't get a picture. Even though its probably that there wasn't a lot to see, that picture would have taken pride of place in my living room until a clearer one comes along. I don't like the fact that we have no record of the first time we've ever seen our baby :(
We then got taken back into another room to finish off the appointment with a finishing consultation, where they told me that the reason for my size is that I'm carrying a lot of water, which is apparently fine, and will sort itself out. It just means that i have to lug around a load of extra weight for longer.
Had a terrible journey home on the bus tonight, i literally had to sit doing breathing exercises to stop myself from being sick. Someone today suggested taking little cartons of apple juice to sip on, that certainly sounds like a plan i don't mind trying!
There's a programme on tonight called 'One born every minute' which gives detailed accounts of different women during labour. I have never yet had the guts to watch this, and don't know whether it would do me any favours or totally freak me out, so please comment with your opinions!

On a very happy note, I'm finding it rather exciting to see how many people are actually reading this blog! Sometimes i feel a little daft, as though I'm sat babbling on to myself, but seeing that i am flying through HUNDREDS of page views, spreading right across the world makes it so exciting. Its nice to know that people are following our little story :) I'm absolutely LOVING writing it!
Please feel free to write any comments of questions.

Love to all!
Xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Apple Juice Apple Juice Apple Juice :/

Well, my four Litres of Apple Juice have gone in a couple of days. I cant actually believe how strongly I'm craving it, iv always been more of an Orange Juice kinda girl! I wouldn't actually be surprised if button came out a bit greenish!
Well, nerves are running high about tomorrows scan, i didn't get a great deal of sleep last night, so god help me tonight! Adams really excited about it, he's talked about it loads.
Just found out that i had my wires crossed a little though, apparently we wont HEAR Buttons heartbeat, but we might see it as a little flicker on the screen. That will still be amazing though so I'm very excited. I just wish i could calm my nerves over the whole thing. Iv got so many questions whizzing round my head that I'm hoping tomorrow will answer.
Gotta try and keep my cool the next couple of weeks too. Iv got some big things coming up at work that iv been stressing myself about for the past few months. I have to be assessed in order to pass my course and get the pay rise that we so desperately could do with now. But i just tend to turn to jelly when i know I'm being watched, or when questions are fired at me. I really don't feel like I'm going to pass, at all, and i think I'll be lucky if i get through the two days without bursting into tears, but to be honest, i just want it to be over now. The thought of not having to worry about it anymore feels like heaven, so I'll do my best and keep my fingers crossed.
Going to try and get some work don't today. There is so much to be done around the house, but iv been so exhausted. I hate just sitting here, seeing how much there is to do though. I just need to find the energy to crack on with it.
I was hoping to get some carpet for baby's room while the sales are on. I don't see this as a 'baby buy' that could be unlucky, we were wanting to decorate anyway. Pregnant or not, we need new carpets :p
The past couple of days iv been embarrassingly emotional. I actually sat and cried for about half an hour yesterday morning, because i felt 'alone' :/ I then watched a few episodes of Eastenders, and cried at that. Then when Adam came home we watched Toy Story 3, and i SOBBED at that! And i just generally feel like i could burst into tears at any time. Its not that I'm sad. Not at all. I'm still over the moon and loving every second, i guess its just hormones, maybe mixed with paranoia.
Anyway, I'll pop back on later for another short blog (maybe in the middle of the night when i cant sleep).

Love always xxxxxxxx

Scan :)

Well due to my bump size and a few minor worries we now have our first scan booked for Monday morning at 8:40 ( 10/1/11). I am so excited and so scared at the same time. Here are the four main things on my mind:

* Is everything going to be ok?
* Will it be more than one baby? And if so how will we afford it?
*Am i alot further than we think? And if so how much time have we got to get everything sorted?
* If i am only 6 weeks, its worrying that i am already the size of 14 weeks+.

I dont see myself getting a great amount of sleep on Sunday night, but i need to try and relax.
Things have seemed strange today, iv had very little sickness, I didnt hit my clockwork exhaustion at 2:30 and iv had a few rather unplesant shooting pains, which i spoke to a midwife about. She told me to either book in with my GP (which is practically impossible unless u know u need an appointment 3 weeks in advance) or to go to A&E if it got considerably worse. Its been a really strange feeling all day, but i havent felt the need to go to A&E, and i now have two days off to chillout before my scan on monday.
Its funny how, iv gotten so used to feeling queasey and tired, iv been worried about not feeling like that!
We had a lovely little moment last night at Asda. We popped upstairs for a brief look round the baby section and to get me some much needed granny pants. As we were browsing tiny little romper suits and teeny little socks, i looked up at Adam and he had the proudest look on his face and a little tear in his eye. He said ' i cant believe im going to be buying tiny little outfits for my baby soon' and gave me a big hug. It was so nice. Adams always been very loving, but he's not one to show emotion like that, so it was a really special moment for us.

My cravings list that we purchased from Asda are as follows:
* 4x cartons of apple juice
1x Jar of Marmite
2x Giant jars of Beetroot
2X Packs of Billy Bear!

Another emotional moment for me was taking the christmas tree down yesterday. Next time we get that out, we will have our baby! Buttons first Christmas :')
It will be amazing to hear Buttons heartbeat for the first ever time on Monday. We are so excited :) And we'll hopefully have a little picture to put on too :)

XxXxXxXxXxXx

A week gone by.. 2/1/11 14:47

Well it has now been a whole week since we found out about Button, and what a week it has been! Kelly went for her scan, and found out that she isn't actually 10.5 weeks, she is 6.5! (7 now). Which means that these babies could be born pretty close together! :)
I have booked my first midwife appointment, which is on Wednesday 26th January at 9:30am. This feels like a million years away to me at the moment, but I'm sure it'll come round soon enough. I just desperately want my first scan, I just want to know everythings OK, and exactly how far we really are. If it was so wrong for Kelly, it could be for me too.
According to my apps, i am now 5 weeks and 3 days, but i just don't feel like its that reliable now.
I know its supposed to be bad luck to buy things so early on, but i have some opinions:
There are some massive January sales on, IE. HALF PRICE in mothercare and Mamas and Papas, which could literally save us HUNDREDS of pounds! Therefore if we don't buy things now, we will have to pay double the amount in a few months time, which to me seems silly.
Heaven forbid anything goes wrong with Button, we will at least have the stuff ready for when the time is right. (But anyway, i cant even bare the thought of anything going wrong, so it wont!).
My mums already bought a few bits, which is rather sweet. Mainly maternity clothes for me, but she's constantly watching EBay, and has bought Button a bouncy chair too :)

I certainly am starting to feel pregnant now i think. The queasiness is really taking a hold, it comes and goes throughout the day and is less than pleasant, but nothing i cant handle.
I am weeing (on average) about 12 times a day, and 4 each night at the moment, which probably has a lot to do with the fact that I'm drinking for England! I cant get enough of apple juice at the moment, which i suppose cant be a bad thing.
I am tending to hit 14:30 every day and suddenly become absolutely shattered. Iv noticed that its almost bang on that time every single day! I'll be fine one minute, and the next its a full on battle to keep my eyes open! So early nights are becoming a must.
I'm also taking some vitamin tablets, which contain folic acid + 18 different vitamins and minerals that are essential during pregnancy.

I'm hoping to fetch some newspaper later today, to cut out rough measurements of nursery furniture, do get a rough idea of how much space we have to play with. Iv been really impatient this week, i just want to be doing something. Be it appointments, baby shopping, reading about labour, anything. I feel like iv got ages to wait before i can really do anything.

One thing i have thought a lot about this week is the fact i cant yet drive. There is absolutely no way i want to be unable to drive when Button arrives. We live in a small village where the buses are rare, and only go in one direction, and i really don't want to be struggling to get on and off with a pram.
I have been wanting to learn for ages, its just been a matter of getting on and sorting it, but the idea of not being able to potter off to meadowhall, or to see family and freinds with Button for the year we may have off together seems to be the push i need. Therefore my updated (married version) or my provisional licence is currently being ordered, and i hope to be starting my lessons, 3 hours a week, next Thursday.
Fingers crossed with that!

Love always xxxxxx X