Well today is the day I've been waiting for yet dreading for the past few months. Operation day. I've had a terrible nights sleep with some of the most taunting nightmares, and had to get up at stupid o clock to eat something small before my 'food deadline'. I am absolutely clawing the walls for a coffee but that would be against the rules :(
My feelings about this are a mixture of utter fear and anger. I have never been put to sleep before in my life, and the thought of what they are going to do almost makes me faint every time it enters my head, but its the fact that i shouldn't have to be worrying about any of this that really bothers me. If they had done it right in the first place, none of this would need to be happening. Then i have another wonderful 6 weeks of recovery, where apparently i will be in more pain than the weeks following birth, as its old scar tissue they will be messing with. So it's back to struggling to stand and sit and get into the bath, and walk and generally get on with my life and caring for my beautiful girl for several weeks after today, all for someones careless mistake under poor supervision.
Luckily my mum has managed to book today off from work, and tomorrow apart from a couple of hours, so she is coming to the hospital, and taking care of Isabelle while I'm in theatre, then I'm going back to her house tonight.
I really hate this. It's like all those months i felt being petrified of labour cant yet end. The thing is, when your in labour, you would pretty much let them do anything to you to get that baby out, you just don't care, and you have all of the excitement that your baby is finally on his/her way, which takes over a lot of the fear. Then afterwards, if stitches are needed, you have the distraction of your little bundle to make it easier. This, however, has been 13 weeks of me thinking about what they are going to do in great detail, knowing that it's going to make things hard for Isabelle and I for a while, which is a horrible thought.
The pain i have been in lately though, and the fact that i have been bleeding almost constantly since she was born are the things that I'm concentrating on. I just hope this fixes both of those things.
I suppose at least the end is in sight now! Wish me luck!
This Blog is going to follow me through every step of pregnancy, as something to look back on :)
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