It's not really motherhood that I'm down about, that side of things is going quite well at the moment. Isabelle is doing really well on the new milk and meds, and managing to keep much more down. She generally much happier and more settled, her hair has been growing beautifully while she's been on this new milk too!
I'm feeling very low about myself. My confidence has hit rock bottom. I cant bare to look at myself, or get undressed, or even go out in public at times. I feel like i have no clothes that fit me properly and i just want to hide somewhere away from myself and cry.
I have never been this fat in my life and i absolutely hate myself. I cant blame it all on having a baby either because I'd put a considerable amount of weight on before i even got pregnant. I was even fat on my wedding day, which makes me feel sick. I hate the thought that the photos and memories from that day will be a big part of our lives forever, and i don't even like how i looked then.
I was a size 8 when Adam and i got together and my low confidence now is just making me paranoid about everything. Why would he want to be with me while I'm like this? He could do so much better.
The thing that makes it a million times worse is that I'm trying so hard and getting no results. Iv cut my portion sizes down to really quite small, I'm eating mainly vegetables, doing lots of walking and spending time on my exercise bike (which fascinates Isabelle) and nothings happening.
This 'Depo' injection i had can supposedly make u rapidly gain weight, so i wonder if that's whats stopping me losing it. Something needs to change though, and soon
.
Whenever i go out i feel like every ones staring at me, thinking how huge i am. No matter where i am, shopping, just walking down the street etc I'm constantly looking around to see if i can see anyone bigger than me.. and scarily i often cant.
I dont want to be a big fat lump for Isabelle either, i want to be able to run about and chase her and play with energy for as long as she needs me to. I want to be healthy for her, and someone she looks up to and wants to be like.
I take Izzy to be weighed every other Thursday too, so there are loads of new mums all in the same room there, it depresses me to see what lovely figures a lot of them have, you cant tell they're recently had a baby, some a lot more recently than me too :(
It frustrates me to think iv never considered myself as slim, yet if i look back on old photos now, id do ANYTHING to have my old figure back!
Iv found some old pictures out, which I'm gonna get printed and stick all over the house, I'm gonna carry one around in my purse, as my 'thinspiration' to work extra hard. I need to do everything i can to lose this weight and regain my confidence.
8 comments:
Hey hun I know how you feel I sometines feel the same as ive put on loads of weight since settling down and having my little girl but i do reccoment coming off your depo jab when i had jessica i put on a stone instead of losing it i come off the depo jab march last year and have since lost just over a stone which is great but im still overweight :( ask you dr to try something else my nurse was really nice about it took me off the jab straight away try the coil or the pill hopefully coming of the depo jab will help :)
Milly you are not fat! You looked absolutly stunning on your wedding day! I was so jealous when I saw you!! Isabelle is lucky to have a beautiful mummy and its obvious adam loves you. Just keep at it and as my grandad always says 'pennies make pounds' or in this case pounds make stones, not that you need to lose stones anyway. Talk to your dr and see what he says :) xx
hey hun i really know how you feel i just started to lose my weight from having my first baby then found out we was expecting our second who is now nearly 6months sometimes i look in the mirror n cry i am at the biggest i have ever been between looking after my 2 boys and cleaning the house before my hubby gets home to then do our tea i find it hard to fit any exercise in and find myself snacking through-out the day not eatin a regular meal till late at night. I also get paranoid about my husband not finding me attractive but i did speak to him and had a good cry and he reassured me. i think i need a personal trainer lol a mean one to come n make me exercise with no excuses lol. have you talked to your husband? i found it helped me to talk to mine xxx
Thanks girls (assuming your all girls?) .. I just cant believe iv let it get to this. Iv never felt this bad about myself. I just keep thinking Adam probably wouldnt have looked twice at me if id been like this when we met and now he's stuck with me. He deserves so much better than a big fat lump, i feel disgusting. Sorry if this is tmi but i dont think it helps that we cant be intimate until at least 6 weeks after my op (which isnt until 8th March) so i just feel insanely unattractive, and we're so busy we're lucky if we fit a cuddle in :( Adams fab and says all the right things, tells me he's crazy about me and that im beautiful etc but it must bother him deep down :(
hi milly its linds right lets get one thing straight you looked absalutely stunning on your wedding day 2ndly you carried your baby for 9 months and she has only been here like 4 months its a massive change and shock to your body when you have a baby and 3rdly get off that bloody DEPPO that is what is making you bigger than you were come off that and recomend something else and keep doing your fittness thing and in a month you will really notice the difference hun i promise cos while ever your still on that you will never loose weight rant and lecture over lol love linz xxx
Thanks Lyndsey. Does anyone know of any contraception (apart from just not having sex, which is working well atm) that doesnt make u put weight on?? Im stuck for ideas.
i heard the coil is good im considering it my self but have to have a smear soon so waiting till after then
the coil is good hun thats what im on at the mo im not gonnas lie it does hurt while they put it in but im diong really well wiv it plus i hardly eva have a period and i havent put more weight on while ive had it but that deppo made me look massive have a talk to your doc about it xx
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