Happy Christmas!

It's Isabelle's first Christmas Eve today, and we have so much to do to make sure its the most magical day ever tomorrow! Adam's gone to Arnold to pick up one of her presents, and taken her with him, to give me a chance to get some more wrapping done.
I'm going to make sure we take a million photos and film as much of her first Christmas as possible!
We had a little mini Christmas last night. My dad lives in Norfolk but came over to my grandparents for the night. We had a Chinese and then exchanged presents. Isabelle's got some lovely things already :) I think we're going to have to get an extension on the house by the end of this year!!
Isabelle's got her first stage performance this afternoon!! She's Jesus in a nativity play! I've got to stand and sing Silent Night without getting teary whilst watching my baby be the star of the show! I cant wait!

I wanted to send a message to all my followers out there. I wanted to thank you for your support and interest in my blog over the past year. I can't believe almost a whole year has gone by! It was boxing day/ my 21st Birthday last year when we found out we were having our beautiful baby. The year has flown by, and now she's here, all ready for her first Christmas and more beautiful than we ever could have imagined.
I want to thank each and every one of you for following me on this amazing journey of 2011! I never imagined that I'd have so many readers from all over the world, I'm sure that will mean a lot to Isabelle when she's older too!
I hope you all have a Christmas as magical as i know mine will be.

Here's to love, laughter and a happy ever after :)

Merry Christmas everyone!! xxx

Bad news in time for Christmas..

WARNING: If you don't want to know all of my gory details, you probably didn't ought to read this post. You have been warned..

I went to the hospital yesterday expecting to have my Physiotherapy that I'd been referred for. I had to go to the Gynae department, and i sat in the waiting area for about an hour!

I was a bit on edge to begin with, as I'd left Isabelle at work with Adam, in the hope i would only be about an hour, she was asleep when i left so i thought it would be fine as long as i wasn't too long.

A nurse came out first and called me through, she did me height, weight (unfortunately) and blood pressure and then sent me back out into the waiting area. I waited for about another 15 minutes, before being called in to see the doctor.

I sat down and he (yes, unfortunately it was a man) took some details from me, and i explained the problems I'd been having. He said he wanted to examine me, which made me really nervous, as the GP had done this a couple of times and it had been incredibly painful for several days.

I got ready on the bed and he came in, literally the minute he looked at me he could see there was a problem. He knew what it was straight away. He touched me slightly and i winced in pain so he told me to get dressed and take a seat.

Apparently i have been stitched up the wrong way (across instead of down). And it has healed like that. So i have got to go in and have an operation. They'll put me to sleep, cut me again and restitch me.

The doctors actually said they don't know how I've managed for 14 weeks with the pain i must have been in. (It has been horrendous).

Sometimes in similar but less severe cases they would wait until i was giving birth for the second time to do the operation. My case is so severe i wouldn't even be able to make another baby (as the act that is necessary to do so is impossible for me like this).

They told me i would have the operation the following day (today) and that i would be having my pre-op straight away.

I got a bit upset and had a little panic, it was all so quick, i barely had time to take it all in. I asked if i could go and fetch Isabelle and come back for the pre-op, as i was worried about Adam managing her at work. I left the hospital at about 11:35, they told me to come back at 2:15 for the pre op.

When i got back to Adam, i shed a few nervous tears while he, and a couple of his colleagues tried to reassure me.

Adam and i went for lunch together and i rang my mum. Adams boss kindly said he could have today off to look after Isabelle while I'm in hospital.

I headed back the hospital with Isabelle, ready for my pre-op. There was a lot of waiting around again. I had to have swabs for MRSA, do a peak flow test, have blood tests, have my tummy pressed, have my heart and chest listened to etc, all the usual tests. I then had to sit and answer a thousand questions about my health and family history. She asked if I'd had any flu-type symptoms during the past two weeks.

I was really poorly last week with a terrible cold, it hasn't completely gone yet and Adams still suffering really badly with it.

When i told her this, she said i wouldn't be able to have the op for another two weeks! So now, instead of getting it over and done with, i have all over Christmas to worry about it, before actually going in on 3/1/12 :(

My big girl!

Well, Isabelle is now 13 weeks and 6 days old, 3 months exactly last Tuesday! I really don't know where the time goes. I know everyone always says 'they aren't babies for two minutes' but i seriously wasn't expecting it to go this fast. Where has my tiny baby gone?

She may not be tiny anymore, but she gets more and more beautiful everyday! We don't just have smiles now, we have full on giggles which is amazing. This usually happens when I'm doing something daft, and once she's giggled, i naturally have to do it again and again just to see that happy little face!

We do a lot of singing throughout the day, and i tap out rhythms on her back when she's unsettled which really seems to soothe her. She's an incredibly vocal baby, and has been from very early on, so i think she'll be a little chatterbox and/or a lovely singer :) She sits and listens completely whenever i sing which is lovely.

Yesterday, we went for a rehearsal for the Nativity play we are in on Christmas Eve. Isabelle is Jesus and I'm an angel (singing Silent night). My little cousin is playing Mary, so she gets to hold Isabelle for quite some time. Luckily she's sitting cross legged on the floor as little monkey is rather heavy now! (12lb 8oz last Wednesday).

Isabelle was as good as gold throughout the rehearsal really, but got a little grizzly just before i did my song. Literally as soon as i started singing she fell silent and just lay there listening, which brought tears to a few eyes!

The changes we have seen in her development over the past few days has been phenomenal! She's becoming so independent (although she does still like to be close to mummy) and sooo interested in the world! She tries to sit up now whenever we lay her down! And she's been supporting her head beautifully over the past few days! She also like to stand up with support, her legs are so strong! Sometimes we struggle to sit her in our lap now, as she refuses to bend her legs, and wants to be standing!

One of her favourite things to do is admire herself in the mirror. Every morning, after getting up and dressed, i take her into the bathroom before we head downstairs. I tell her that we are going to see the 'pretty little girl in the bathroom' literally as soon as she see's herself she's giggling and giving shy little smiles.. its adorable. She would stay there for hours admiring herself I'm sure! Just watching her is fascinating though, shes even started wriggling her fingers and watching in the mirror, then looking at her fingers, and back to the mirror. You can completely tell that she's learning every second of the day!

I've just realised i haven't really spoken about myself for a while, how I've been since birth etc. The first few weeks of Isabelle's life we're incredibly tough, she was so ill and we didn't even know, so there's no wonder things were like they were. Since discovering her problems (well, most of them, some things are still being looked at) she has been an absolute delight and I've really enjoyed motherhood.

Obviously when you go for your review with the doctor they speak to you about contraception. I thought about this no end and finally came to the decision to try the injection. I used to be on the pill, but never got on with it particularly well, and I'm worried that now my lifestyle is so busy (i barely have time to wash my hair) i would forget to take it. Whereas the injection is just a quick trip to the surgery every 12 weeks, job done!

A went for my first one a few weeks ago, and thought this would definitely be the method i would stick with, as i was in and out even before my appointment time (which is very unusual for our surgery!) and there really was nothing to it!

However, over the past few weeks i have decided i most certainly will not be going back for another one in February. I've felt awful. I feel sick all the time, I'm constantly exhausted, yet cant sleep (started writing this at 4:20am) my hair is falling out at a stupid pace and I'm actually getting little bald patches, and I've been incredibly down and paranoid. I really have felt so alone over the past week, and began to doubt whether I'm doing a good job as a mum, constantly thinking something bad is going to happen to her. I've been checking her breathing double the amount i was before. It's driving me mad and i cant wait for the awful chemical to be out of my system so i can feel human again. So now i literally have no idea what contraception to look at next. The implant is apparently made of a similar thing (not that i fancy that anyway) and the word 'coil' makes me shudder, so I'm fast running out of options.

I'm not going to go into too much detail, but I've been having a few problems lately, where i don't appear to be healing properly. I've been to the doctors a couple of times and have been examined, I've been in complete agony, and when the doctor pressed inside my tummy, there was a certain area that she wasn't happy with, and it was the exact same area that made me screech in pain. So i have been referred to the hospital. Therefore contraception isn't something i need to be worrying about at the moment, but definitely need to be thinking about it a bit.

I have also been referred for my back. I'm beginning physio today, and they will be looking at the other issue too. I'm having terrible back problems since that Epidural went wrong. I struggle to bend for more than a couple of seconds, it hurts to sit down, or stand up, or even just walking for a certain amount of time. Which all makes things very difficult when you have a three month old.

I've been trying to keep busy a little more, so that I'm not just sat at home feeling down. It isn't easy when your skint and you don't drive though. There is a surestart centre just behind my house which is good, as they do 'stay and play' sessions on a Monday morning. It's literally behind my garden fence so really easy for me to get to. I have only been to one session so far but loved spending time with other mums and babies, and Isabelle seemed to love the change in scenery and the different toys to play with. There was a wooden stick with three bells on the end which she loved. She grabbed hold of it and was shaking it all over the place. Mummy may have to invest in one of those!

So it's now only 6 more sleeps until our first little family Christmas and i literally can't wait! I know she isn't old enough to understand, but we have so many family events happening over the next couple of weeks, its going to be perfect! And i intend on filming every second of it!

Love love love xxx

Three Months old!

My beautiful baby girl was three months old yesterday! It's actually scaring me how fast she is growing up. We have been supporting her in a 'sitting up' position more and more lately, and now she's discovered she can be upright, this is how she likes to be!

We are getting so many beautiful smiles and giggles, and she's very talkative now too! Sometimes it really sounds like she's trying to tell us a story!

She is sleeping approximately 8 hours through the night which is wonderful, we are both so proud of her.

We took her swimming for the first time on Monday (12.12.11). The water was quite cold, and she really wasn't too sure to begin with, but got fairly used to it as time went on.

We've been giving her a lot more 'tummy time' lately, which is really helping her to strengthen the muscles in her head. On Monday she held her head up beautifully whilst on her tummy and i was soooo proud of her, as this has been one of the things they were concerned about at the hospital.

Isabelle's first Christmas is fast approaching and its already pretty magical. We've really gone to town with decorations this year and she loves looking at all the lights.

We have a white Christmas tree with all baby pink decorations, including some home made ones, its perfect.

Time is flying by so quickly, I'm really trying to make the most of every second before i go back to work in April.

She now weighs 12lb 8oz which is 4lb 2oz bigger than her birth weight.

She's such a little Character now, sooo cheeky! Everyone who see's her, and gets a flash of that beautiful smile seems to fall instantly in love with her :)

She holds rattles and shakes them now too. Every day we spend half an hour singing songs, which she absolutely loves. She's a very busy little girl :)

Not my tiny baby anymore, but getting bigger and more beautiful by the day :)

xxx