So its not far off a month since my last post, and sooo much has happened since then! I've been wanting to write this for ages, as i am already starting to forget little details now that my notes have gone.
After my due date i had two sweeps, the first one was when i was 6 days overdue, the midwife said i was 1cm dilated but the baby's head was still not set in the right place, so things were definitely happening, but Button still didn't appear to want to head out any time soon.
I then had a second sweep on the Friday, when i was 9 days overdue, by this time i was 2cm dilated and baby's head was good to go! I was booked to be induced on the Monday morning, which i really wanted to avoid as I'd been told if the induction went ahead i wouldn't be able to use the birthing pool.
The midwife who did my second sweep was quite confident that the baby would make its own way out over the weekend and that i wouldn't need the induction on Monday morning. Over the weekend i had a few good tightening but nothing major happened.
I found it difficult to sleep on Saturday night, knowing that i was only going to be waiting another couple of days to meet my baby. I think i managed to get about two hours sleep that night, and hardly any at all on the Sunday night. That's one big downside to knowing the date your going to go into labour in advance, you can guarantee you aren't going to get any sleep the night before! My tummy was in knots!
I set my alarm for 6am on Monday morning, but was already wide awake. I had been told that i was booked in for 8:30am, but that i should ring just after 6 to check that they could still fit me in. The midwife i spoke to said that it was incredibly busy, there wasn't any space for me, and that i should call back after 12 to see if things had changed by then. I couldn't help but feel a little gutted about it. Id got myself so mentally prepared for it happening, and was so fed up (as i was now 12 days overdue and pretty huge) i couldn't bare the thought that it might be another day or two.
We checked our hospital bags and put everything into the car, and headed to Tesco for some last minute labour snacks and to have lunch in the cafe. We were still there at just gone 12 so i rang the hospital back. They told me to be there by 1:45. So we did our shopping and headed straight into Worksop. We went to Adams work first to pick up his phone charger, and i was given some last minute words of support from some of his work colleagues. We then headed to the hospital and had a drink in the cafe before going to meet my mum.
When we got into the labour ward they took us round to an observation bay, where i had a bed, and a couple of chairs for Adam and mum, and they pulled the curtain round. The midwife came in and strapped the monitors to me to check baby's movement and heart rate, she then left us for quite some time while they got a good reading. At about 3:40pm she came back and gave me a pessary, she said that i was still 2cm so they weren't able to break my waters straight away. The plan was then that they would leave me for 6 hours and return at 9:30pm to either break my waters (if possible) or give a second pessary and leave me a further 6 hours.
My mum gave me an amazing hand and foot massage with some special oils she had packed which really helped me to relax. I then decided i probably ought to attempt to get some sleep as we could have a long night ahead. My mum went in search for a cafe for a cup of tea while i tried to rest and Adam occupied himself playing games on the Ipad. I failed to get any sleep and they brought my tea at 5pm which was a lovely ham salad, they threw in some extra packets of biscuits and snacks to help to keep us all going through the night. Whilst my mum was out she found the main hospital restaurant and noticed that it shut at 7pm, her and Adam hadn't really had anything to eat so we decided they should try and get some tea before it shut. The midwife popped in again and checked my readings were all OK before removing the monitors. She told me i was quite welcome to leave the labour ward for a walk around, and advised us that keeping as active as possible could help move things along. We all decided to have a walk to the restaurant together.
We had a steady walk, and i was beginning to get quite uncomfortable. I felt incredibly heavy, and was very hot and thirsty. We sat in the restaurant for about 20 minutes while mum and Adam had something to eat, but i really struggled to get comfortable, i kept standing up and sitting down, and going back and forth to the toilet as i kept feeling like i needed a wee. We then decided that, although i was really uncomfortable we should try and have a long walk to get things moving. So we walked right round the outside of the hospital to get back to the labour ward. Towards the end of the walk i was beginning to have some quite painful contractions, and had to stop walking and cling onto my mum whilst breathing through them. We stopped at the car on the way back and Adam picked up my suitcase, then we headed back to the observation bay.
When we got back they strapped me to the monitor for a quick five minute check. Once that was done (at 7:20pm) i felt desperate for a wee, so i got up.. almost the second i stood up i felt a really strange 'pop' in my lower tummy and about 3 seconds later a huge gush of fluid flooded down my legs. I grabbed onto the table and shouted 'my waters have broken' to my mum and Adam. After a few seconds you could see the fluid (still gushing out) streaming across the floor. My trousers were completely drenched so we decided it was a good time to change into my nighty. I got cleaned up, and had a little bounce on my ball, still having painful contractions, but not very close together. A few minutes later i stood up and felt another gush. We looked down, and instead of the clear fluid that had been there before, it was pure blood running down my legs. Panic hit all three of us and my mum ran straight to fetch a midwife, my knees bucked and i clung, hysterical to Adam, who looked incredibly worried but still tried to console me. My mum came back within a few minutes, and the midwife said that the blood loss was completely normal. This frustrated me a little, as we had been to several anti natal classes that had told us we should take careful notice of what colour the waters were. We had been told that if they had any pink or green colour to them, we should urgently ring the labour ward as it could be a dangerous sign. I hate to imagine how we would have reacted if this had have happened at home!
Over the next hour i had a further two gushes, mainly of water but a fair amount of blood came with it. By the time the gushes had finished, my bump was literally half its original size, which made me feel allot happier about how big the baby may be.
The contractions began to get quite strong, and you could actually see my tummy tighten and change shape before the pain arrived. They strapped me back to the monitors to have a look. The contractions were showing up, but not in the 'normal' patten.
After a while of being strapped down, i became desperate to get into the bath, which the midwife said was OK. My mum went to fill the bath for me, but it was really slow and seemed to take forever, so i had another bounce on the birthing ball while i waited. I had two baths during those first couple of hours. During the second, i took the Ipad into the bathroom with me, as i had my hypnobirth tracks on it. I'd been using them for a few weeks in the run up to the birth. I found them really helpful and calming, it was just a nice gentle reminder that every pain was bringing my baby closer and that i was in control and my body was designed to do it. I got into the bath and tried to start the tracks playing, but they wouldn't work. I was so disappointed as id spent half the pregnancy thinking i would have them to help me relax. Luckily, my mum had brought some special relaxation tracks with her, they weren't birth related but they made me concentrate on being calm and focused so i found them really helpful.
The contractions became incredibly strong and painful at this point. My mum had a jug and poured water over my tummy with each contraction which made them easier to bare. I spent quite a long time in the bath, until the midwife came and asked if she could examine me again. As i got out of the bath, Adam came in and told me to stay in the bathroom for a few minutes, there was a lady screaming in the next room and he didn't want me to panic. We could still hear her with the bathroom door shut so i sat on the toilet and my mum stood in front of me and cuddled me with her hands over my ears. A couple of minutes later a midwife came in to tell us a baby girl had just been born next door. This gave me another rush of excitement and reminded me that all the pain would be so worth it.
We then went back to my bed for me to be examined again, at 00:20 i had only got to 3cm dilated! It felt like a punch in the stomach when they told me that. The pain was pretty intense by this point, so i asked when i would be able to have some pain relief. They brought me gas and air, which i used over the next few hours, although i now realise i hadn't been using it right. All it seemed to do was make me breathless, i didn't like it at all, but it gave me something to focus on, so i kept using it. After about another hour we asked whether i would be able to use the birthing pool, as i hadn't had to have my waters broken. The midwife agreed to go and fill the pool for me, and we gathered our things ready to move into the birthing suite. Once we were in there in went and sat on the toilet while they were filling the pool, my mum came in too, and let me hold on to her. Each contraction made me jump to my feet, i couldn't get into any position which made it any easier, so i just clung to my mum.
Eventually they called me to tell me the pool was ready, so i rushed out and got straight in. We dimmed the lights and continued to play the relaxation tracks. I was feeling so exhausted by this point, as it was the early hours of Tuesday morning and i hadn't slept properly since Friday night. Adam was timing my contractions, and they were only a couple of minutes apart. He stood behind me and held me up, i was nodding off between contractions. Suddenly something just seemed to happen and the pain became almost unbearable, i was gasping hard on the gas and air and moving around in the water, desperately trying to find some position which might help, but there didn't seem to be one. I felt so exhausted i decided to ask about an epidural. Knowing that at my last examination id still only been 3cm made me realise i could be in that pain for several hours. I'd been told that an epidural would completely numb all pain, so i was hoping it may allow me to get some rest before i began to push.
We decided to go ahead and arrange the epidural, as they had told me it could take some time to organize. I got out of the water and onto the bed and had a drip put into my hand. I had the epidural put in at 4:30am and by 5:30 i was 8cm while i was contracting. The epidural wasn't at all what i had expected, i could still feel contractions.. and they were still painful. I still had to use the gas and air through them too. This really began to frighten me, as i was now expecting to feel even worse pain through the pushing stage. They kept topping up my epidural and eventually it began to ease the pain (but didn't take it away altogether like i had expected).
I suddenly began to feel like i needed a wee, but was now unable to get out of bed due to the epidural. They offered me a choice of trying to use a bedpan, or having a catheter. I opted to try the bedpan. They brought it in and lifted me onto it, and it turned out i didn't need a wee after all. While i was tipped up on the bedpan, both mine and the baby's heart rate took a scary turn. It was horrible to hear Buttons heartbeat slow to almost nothing, they quickly took me off the bedpan and put me on my side, and decided to prep me for theatre. Baby's heartbeat slowed dangerously, mine went up from 78 to 183! I suddenly began to have all jewelry removed and my mum was given nail varnish remover and started quickly getting my finger and toe nails cleared and the doctor changed me from my nighty to theatre gowns. While all of this was going on the baby's heart rate improved. Suddenly i realised i was beginning to push, it wasn't something i was even in control of. Each time i had a contraction my tummy just started to push down on its own. I told the midwife, so she decided to examine me again. She said i was only 9cm and that part of my cervix was still in the way, therefore i wasn't allowed to push. I cant even describe how difficult this was, they told me to try and breath through the contractions to stop myself from pushing, but it was almost impossible. I don't know how long i was having to try not to push for, possibly about an hour, but it felt like a lifetime. It was such a relief when they told me i was finally allowed to push. At this stage, i didn't feel any pain really, just extreme exhaustion. It was the best feeling in the world to no longer have to fight what my body was naturally trying to do.
I began pushing at approximately 7am. By this point i was so exhausted i literally fell asleep between contractions as my heart rate was still incredibly high. The whole night feels like a bit of a blur. One thing that annoyed me was we had specifically asked (and put in my birth plan) that if i needed to be cut, they wouldn't tell me it was happening. I gave consent before hand and told them i didn't want to know. I just remember the midwife saying to the doctor 'Are you doing the episiotomy or am i?' .. It's as if they thought i wouldn't know what that meant! They kept telling my that they weren't going to let me push for much longer if not much progress was being made.
They said they had called a doctor to come and 'assist my delivery'. One of my biggest fears throughout the pregnancy was having to have forceps. When i saw the doctor (and practically his classroom full of students) come into the room and start explaining what they were going to do i decided I'd got to give every last drop of energy i had into getting this baby out on my own, so i pushed with everything i had. I had my mum and Adam either side of me telling me how amazing i was doing and saying that the baby was nearly out. I remember my mum telling me that Buttons had gorgeous dark hair :)
Eventually i heard those words that id been so desperate to hear for such a long time 'You've done it!' i looked down as a little body was placed onto my tummy. My tummy churned as i took in the first few sights of my button, the little body was a purple/blue colour and there was no noise. I looked at Adam and he tearfully told me we had a little girl!! After a few seconds the midwives whisked her away, they did some work on her on a little table, and held her upside down etc. She had done a poo on her way out and swallowed some of it, which made her rather poorly. I can just remember repeatedly saying 'is she OK?' , 'promise me she's OK' It was the most emotional moment of my life. Adam, my mum and I were all in tears. We'd both secretly been hoping for a little girl!
After what seemed like a lifetime, they wrapped her back up and passed her to me. Looking down at that beautiful little face was the most amazing moment of my life, and i instantly fell in love with her.
So, i can now officially, and finally announce that my beautiful little Button, Isabelle Verona Elce, was born on Tuesday 13th September 2011 at 9:42am weighing 8lb 6oz.
I cant describe the instant love we all felt for her, and its got stronger every day!
I definitely haven't been put off by the birth at all, however I've had a few problems since which have made things very difficult.
After a few hours, once i was on the maternity ward i began to have severe pain in my neck and the back of my head. It became so bad that eventually i could barely move. I was assessed several times over that evening, and the following day. On Wednesday afternoon a senior anaesthetist came to see me. He explained that while I'd had my epidural they had gone into a nerve, which had made me jump ( i remember jumping slightly), then because I'd jumped, they had gone in too far and made a hole. This was causing the severe pain in my head. He said i needed to have a procedure done in theatre to help to repair the damage. This was arranged for the following day (Thursday), but in the meantime i needed to remain laying flat.
The trip to theatre was very difficult, i wasn't put to sleep for the procedure and i had to sit up, and sit very still for the whole 45 minutes that i was in there, which was unbearably painful.
A few hours after returning from theatre things seemed to be improving, and i even managed to walk to the bathroom, but by later that evening i was in a lot of pain again. They had told me that the theatre procedure may need to be repeated a second time, but i really didn't want to have to have it done again.
Those first few days and nights were really tough emotionally as well as physically. I had this beautiful new baby girl and i could hardly do anything for her. People had to literally latch her to me for feeds and that was all i could do, i couldn't even look at her while she was feeding as i couldn't move my head, and i found this incredibly hard to deal with.
I was discharged from hospital on the Friday night. I ended up lying to the midwives and telling them i felt much better, because i couldn't bare another night of being stuck in there, away from Adam. I spent the whole weekend still unable to move, in agony. On the Sunday night things got really bad, i was feeding Isabelle, and i had to shout Adam to come and take her off of me. I fell to the floor in agony and couldn't move. My mum told Adam to ring the doctor and we ended up at A&E. They decided that along with the problem with my epidural, i had also suffered whip lash, as for the 2.5 hours I'd spent pushing, id been having my chin on my chest, then throwing my head back after every push, which had damaged the muscles in my neck. I spent the next couple of days having lots of hot baths, my mum and Abi gave me massages to try and loosen the muscles and eventually it became a lot easier.
I have to say there is no way i could have been without my mum or Adam during the birth, they were both amazing and so supportive! Adam surprised me so much, i was really worried about how he would cope during the birth and he just got on with it, he even watched Isabelle come out! (ew!). They both made me so proud and it wouldnt have been the same without either one of them!
I still have this horrible feeling in my tummy when i think about those first few days after Isabelle was born. I almost feel like I've missed the first week of my little girls life. She's two weeks old tomorrow! Its gone so fast and she's already changed so much!
I know everybody thinks this about there own child but she really is the most beautiful thing in the world to me. We've had some tough nights so far but every second i love her more and more. That little face looking up at me during her feeds is the most heart warming feeling in the world.
So we are finally a family. I've wanted this my whole life and it still hasn't quite sunk in. I still find myself waking in the night worrying about labour, and then i realise there's no need. I've done it!! And I'd do it a million times over for that little girl!!
Love love love xx
