Squishy: The Birth Story: Part Three.

Soon after my mum arrived, a tea lady popped her head around the curtain to ask if we wanted anything to eat or drink. I literally said "Please may I.." and then got a huge contraction and had to suck hard on the gas and air, it made me really woozy, my eyes were rolling and my neck went all wobbly, I think I was saying "Owww" to myself through that one too. The tea lady suddenly looked a bit peaky, as if she couldn’t wait to get out of there. I think I frightened her. Although you would imagine she's used to it, with that job!

Approximately 8 contractions later she was back, with two slices of toast for me, however I think I managed about 3/4 of a slice between contractions before we were told there was a room ready for me. It just so happened it was the room with a birthing pool. Result!

I think I slipped into a nighty at this point, and then waddled down the corridor as fast as I could to get to my room.

As soon as I got there I practically pounced on the gas and air, with another humongous contraction. I can’t believe how quickly they came on strong this time. Will Isabelle’s birth it was quite a gradual build up, but Squishys just went from nothing to agony so fast!

 

I managed to find a position which eased the agony slightly, and that was to stand up, and arch my back, so I was almost leaning backwards. I had to have either Adam or my mum supporting me while I did it, but stretching my tummy out like that really helped to take the edge off. We later found out this was because of the baby being ‘back to back’.

 

A midwife then came in and introduced herself. Her name was Andrêa, she was lovely. She told me she would be looking after me until 5pm, and was confident she would be the one to deliver our little bundle.

She asked me whether I would mind a student just observing my labour.  All of the staff were aware of the problems I ‘d had with students during Isabelle’s birth, as the consultant had written about it in my notes, but she assured me that this one would simply be there to observe and take notes. So I agreed. However, my mum then told me that she thought it was a male student, she said that I shouldn’t feel bad about changing my mind if I wasn’t comfortable with it. By now, I was past the point of caring though so I still went ahead and let him come in.

As I hadn’t brought any swimwear, I decided to keep my nighty on in the water, as id got spares in my bag and would like to attempt to keep any dignity I could, intact. However, I ended up in just my bra and the student, who I believe was called Daniel, must literally have seen everything else, the poor kids probably scarred for life.

 

There was a little floating duck thermometer in the water, which whilst high on gas and air, I named Edmund!

 The birthing pool was lovely, it was so nice and warm and really eased the pain to begin with. We dimmed the lights, and played relaxing music, and i was really able to relax between contractions.

 

I suddenly began to feel a tremendous amount of pressure and the contractions got pretty unbearable. The midwife went and got a mirror to check what was happening under the water as she thought I was getting to the transition stage. I tried a few different positions in the water, but was really struggling by this point. I was really high on gas and air, and started crying talking about Miss Cook. I couldn’t stop checking the time, knowing that everyone would soon be arriving at her funeral.

I asked Adam to set a status around the time of the funeral, to let all of the Cantamus girls know I was thinking of them.


After a few hours in the water, I was absolutely exhausted, and really struggling with the pain, so I decided to get out and be examined. This would help me to decide what I wanted to happen next. If I was 9cm – 10cm then obviously id be close to delivery and would have managed to get through the remainder of the labour, but I was worried that I couldn’t carry on if I hadn’t progressed much, and would need to consider other forms of pain relief.

 

At 12:30pm, 11 hours after my waters had broken, I was 5cm dilated. This felt like a punch in the stomach as I’d been convinced there wouldn’t be much longer to go. Contractions had only been a couple of minutes apart for a couple of hours at this point and were agony. I tried walking to and from the bathroom, standing up, sitting down, kneeling and holding onto the back of the bed, nothing was working. At this point I decided I wanted an epidural, as I knew I could have several hours to go.

 

Andrêa went to arrange an anesthetist, and came back with bad news. The only anesthetist was in theatre with a very poorly lady. They couldn’t tell me how long he was going to be. So I just had to accept that I’d got to grit my teeth and get on with it.

Shortly after being told this, I was told I’d now got to move rooms. I couldn’t bare the thought of being away from the gas and air during the walk, as contractions now only seemed to be a matter of seconds apart.

We managed to get me across the corridor, wrapped in a sheet, and straight back on the gas and air as soon as I was in my new room. Every contraction was now absolutely unbearable, so much worse than it ever had been with Isabelle.


During my labour with Izzy, I barely said a word. I stayed so calm and quiet throughout the whole thing. This time around, I was far from being a ‘screamer’ but I was a lot more vocal. I just remember repeatedly saying “I’ve had enough now, I’m tired”. It was going on for so much longer than I’d expected, and I just didn’t seem to be making much progress.

 
At 3:30 I was examined again, and was only 6cm! So in three agonizing hours id progressed only 1cm.  However, at around 4:15pm I received the amazing news that I was now able to have that long-awaited epidural!

This would be the third epidural I’d had, so I knew exactly what to expect, but there was even more pressure on me the stay incredibly still this time, as it was the movement id made with the first one (because they went into a nerve) that caused me to be so ill afterwards, and I still have problems because of that, now. It was also added pressure because I was struggling so much more with the pain this time. It ended up being a female anesthetist, and she was lovely. I remember babbling something about Miss Cook, through a face full of tears while they were doing it, and mum had to tell me to be quiet, and to concentrate on being still.  


By around 4:30pm the epidural was in, and I was in heaven. I just kept thanking that amazing lady over and over again for taking my pain away. I asked if I could give her a cuddle before she went, and she willingly came over and gave me a big squeeze.

 

To begin with, the epidural worked wonders. They had to tell me when I was having contractions, as I couldn’t feel a thing. I even managed a little sleep. But before long, the pain was back, and it was a struggle once again. They kept coming to top it up, but it just didn’t work, so once again the gas and air was getting a battering.

Andrêa left, at the end of her shift at 5pm, which I was completely devastated about. She had been amazing, and there was no way we’d expected me to have still not delivered by the time she left.  We had a cuddle, and she wished me luck, she was also disappointed about not being able to meet our little lady.


At 7pm I was examined again, and told that I was finally fully dilated! However, with the good news also came a disappointment. I was so excited to be told I was almost there, but they then told me that even though I was 10cm the baby was still a long way back. They said I needed to sit upright, to allow her to drop, before I could start pushing. They wanted to leave me like that for an hour. They told me I needed to try not to use the gas and air for a while as I was getting too ‘out of it’ and I needed to start being aware of what was happening.

I ended up in tears, trying hard to not use the gas and air, but struggling so much, in complete agony. An hour felt like such a long time and I remember crying to my mum saying “I can’t cope with another two and half hours of pushing” (as that how long it had taken me with Izzy).


At around 7:30pm there was yet another change over of staff. ‘My’ midwife had gone from being Andrêa, to Sarah, to Kate. They were just handing over, and explaining my details to the new staff, when I started to be aware that I was pushing. It’s the weirdest feeling, the only thing I can even slightly compare it to, is being sick. That weird surge of involuntary muscle spasms. It’s something you have absolutely no control over.  I suddenly said to my mum “I think there’s something there”, but nobody really rushed to check, as I had said it once before during labour, and had been told the pressure was just due to baby being back to back. But my mum wandered over and had a peek under the sheet, and it’s a good job she did! “Oh my gosh, there’s a head”. Her words kind of echoed in my head, I couldn’t believe after such a long wait, this was finally it.

 
It was then a mad panic, as the midwife hadn’t even got her gloves on, and all of a sudden, this little girl had decided she wasn’t waiting for anyone. In a blur of adrenaline I remember hearing my mum warning Adam that the baby might be a funny colour. As he’d been really upset when Izzy was born, she was blue and there were a few moments where we were convinced she wasn’t alive.


After around four pushes, this bright pink, fluffy headed little person appeared, and once again I was overwhelmed with that familiar feeling of complete and utter love and pride.  My mum was supposed to be cutting the cord, but the midwives had to do it quickly and whisk baby Elce away. She was completely silent. I could see her being rubbed like crazy with a towel, over at the table, while I pushed again and delivered the placenta. It felt like the whole room was echoing, people were moving quickly all around me and all I could focus on was whether that little girl was ok. Those few moments felt like a lifetime. They gave her the vitamin K injection, expecting this to make her cry, but it didn’t. Eventually, we heard that little cry and my heart felt like it suddenly started beating again.


Chloe Olivia Elce was finally placed into my arms. She was simply amazing. All the fear I’d had about having enough love for a second child just melted away, I couldn’t take my eyes off of her. After a few minutes, I tried breastfeeding her, which she took to like a pro J

Our little sweetie was finally born at 7:44pm; 18.5 hours after my waters had broken.  She weighed 8lb 13oz. Prince George was also born that day.
 

Chloe and I were in the local newspaper, along with all the other babies who were born at Kings Mill that day. And I did a little interview with the local radio. 

 
Isabelle’s reaction to her new baby sister, the following day, was one of the most amazing moments of my life. She loved her instantly, and has been incredible with her ever since. I’ll go into more detail of their relationship, and life over the past 11 weeks, in my next post.

 
So, to sum it all up, we are now the perfect family of four. All completely besotted with each other. That labour was by far the hardest thing I have ever done, but I would do it a million times over for this amazing little girl. I literally can’t believe how lucky I am.

 
Unfortunately, my computer is now not allowing me to upload any more photos, so i'm afraid you may have to wait until the next post for pictures. But this will include images from the first few moments of her life, introducing her to Izzy, and how she has grown over the past 11 weeks. (Maybe a couple more labour pics too, if i get brave).

Lots of Love,

X x Loved up mummy of two!!  X x

The Birth Story, Part Two...

I started getting very mild contractions at around 2:15am. They weren’t really painful and i was easily able to carry on with what i was doing. Once everything was ready, Adam went and scooped Izzy out of bed. We managed to put her coat on, and get her bundled into the car without her even waking up. We nipped briefly to Adams mums, i waited in the car while he nipped to get a card for the hospital  car park. We then headed straight to Abi’s to drop Izzy off, at around 2:35am. I shed a little tear knowing that it was the last time i would see her before she became a big sister. It was weird to think she knew absolutely nothing of what was going on. She’d gone to bed after a lovely family day, and would be waking up in a different house on the day her baby sister came into the world, and her life would change forever.

After giving her an extra special squeeze, we headed back to the car. My contractions seemed to get stronger really quite quickly. We were both quite hungry as we hadn’t had much to eat the previous day so we decided to nip through the Mcdonalds drive through before going to the hospital, in attempt to gather some energy for the hours ahead. We sat in the Mcdonalds car park eating, but i barely managed to eat anything, my tummy was in knots.  I remember sitting there in the car park, and telling Adam he should hurry up as the contractions were starting to get pretty strong. By about 3am they were starting to take my breath away a bit, just 45 minutes after they had started.

We then drove round to the hospital, as soon as i set foot out of the car i felt a huge gush. This was a lot more like my experience with Isabelle’s birth. I was absolutely wet through, my jeans were so heavy with water i could hardly keep them up. I waddled my way into the hospital, i was having to concentrate on breathing through contractions, but still managed to walk through them at this point.

After trailing water all the way through the hospital, we finally got up to the reception area and told them who we were. I headed straight for the bathroom. Stupidly, we hadn’t grabbed any of the bags out of the car as we’d just been concentrating on getting inside.

The midwife brought me a load of really thick pads, and i asked her to send Adam to the car to get me a change of clothes, as there was no way i could have put those jeans back on. She said that they should get me in, and checked and that he could go out and get me something clean to wear before we went home again. So they wrapped me in sheets and i waddled my way to the bed.

They wired me to the monitors again, and the midwife commented on what good contractions i was having. They had told me all along that we were only going in to check that my waters had definitely gone, which of course by now, we knew. She explained that her shift finished at 8am, but she was pretty sure judging by the strength of my contractions, we’d be back before then. I remember telling Adam i thought the baby would be here by the time he needed to ring and inform work that he wouldn’t be going in, at 8:30!

So Adam nipped out to the car to fetch me some leggings, and we set off home again. I remember the car journey home, i just concentrated on the thought of getting into a nice warm bath. We got home at around 4:10am and i went straight to the bathroom. I asked Adam to fetch me a notebook and pen, a glass of water and some paracetamol, then i told him he should attempt to get some sleep. He went down to the living room and went back to sleep and i sunk into an amazingly warm bath.

I began to write down each contraction. They were about 5-6 minutes apart and lasting for about 25 seconds at this point. I still have the notebook with them all written down! I put some relaxing music on my phone, and also listened to a few birth affirmations. With each contraction i poured warm water over my bump, and took deep breaths, as i remembered this helping to ease them last time. I stayed in the bath for about an hour and a half, just occasionally topping up the warm water. I then got out, went down into the lounge where Adam was fast asleep, i dimmed the lights, put my music back on and bounced on my ball. After about 15 minutes i was desperate to get back in the bath, so headed back upstairs.

I remember laying in the bath, feeling really emotional, knowing that i was going to bring my baby into the world on the day that Miss Cook was laid to rest. At around 6:15am, i shouted Adam. The contractions were now getting pretty strong and i wanted him to come and help me concentrate through them.  He helped me with my breathing and took over with pouring the water and writing down the contractions.  At around 6:55am i decided i was getting ready for some gas and air, so i rang the hospital and told them i was ready to come back in. Contractions were now around 4 minutes apart.

Adam helped me out of the bath, and got me dried and dressed, we grabbed a few extra supplies and headed downstairs. I scrambled around for some shoes that would fit my swollen feet, as i had filled my comfortable ones with water.

At about 7:20am, we were on our way back to the hospital. The car journey was far from fun.  I had about 9 contractions in the car, and i was still leaking water with each one! By this point i was grabbing hold of Adam each time and having to really concentrate on my breathing through them. I was convinced Squishy would be with us by lunch time. 

We arrived at the hospital at around 7:45am. I had about 4 contractions from getting out of the car to reaching the labour ward. With each one, i stopped and clung to Adam. The hospital was considerably busier now, and i was still pouring with water every time i contracted. I remember one contraction, just outside the hospital entrance. There was a group of four men stood a couple of metres away as i hung around adam, breathing and drenching the floor. I burst into tears through embarrassment at this stage.

It was awful, walking through a reasonable busy public place leaving a trail of water behind me for all to see. Between each contraction i was walking as fast as i possibly could, all i could think about now was getting that gas and air!

We got to the reception desk and booked in once again, we were informed that there weren’t any beds! This was not exactly what i wanted to hear. So we were left sitting in the reception area for about half an hour. I asked Adam to ring my mum and tell her to start making her way to us. I was sent into the toilet to do a urine sample, then we were taken into the triage area where i was offered a bed, they examined me at 8:15 and i was 3cm, which was a bit of a disappointment. I was then offered gas and air at around 8:50am.

At around 9am we found out that Kate Middleton was also in labour. I became quite excited about the thought of Squishy sharing her birthday with royalty! My mum arrived at around 9:05 and i was already supping hard on the gas and air.

Once again, its ended up pretty late, so i’ll continue with a third part tomorrow night J x x x

Squishy.. The Birth Story. Part One.

Its taking me so long to write this birth story, i have decided to do it in two parts. So here is your first instalment....

In the couple of weeks leading up to my due date, i had several episodes of Braxton hicks, which was really frustrating as there were several occasions where i convinced myself it may be show time.  Sleep, once again became a thing of the past and i was getting increasingly uncomfortable. I spent most nights in the bath, as i did when pregnant with Izzy, as i was in so much pain with my legs and back. I began to get pretty fed up, praying i wasn’t in for another 13-day-late-induction sort of birth.

These photos were taken in July 2011 (right hand side)

 at 31+4, with Izzy. July 2013 on the left at 38+3 with Squishy.

Exactly a week before Squishys due date, i had a funny turn, which was pretty frightening. I was sitting on my birthing ball,watching telly with a little table with the laptop in front of me.  I was just chatting to a couple of friends on facebook, feeling absolutely fine one minute. All of a sudden i just went incredibly confused, normally i can type really quickly without even looking. Suddenly i was spelling everything wrong, unable to type properly and just generally writing a load of rubbish. I posted about 4 things on facebook which made absolutely no sense, but i couldn’t even figure out how to delete them. I wrote a quick message blaming the computer, then shut the lid of the laptop down and tried to snap out of it. Minutes later i lost my vision, i could just see colours, completely fuzzy and blurred, i then began to panic. Izzy was having a particularly unsettled night, and Adam had been in her room trying to get her to sleep for about an hour. It had only just seemed to go quiet so i really didn’t want to burst in and set her off again. Within minutes i lost the feeling in my arms and legs and so was completely petrified by this point. I staggered round the house, confused and in a mad panic, searching for my phone.

Unable to find it, i decided my only option was to go in to Adam. I opened the door to Izzys room and mumbled at Adam through the tears. He passed me his phone and asked what was wrong. I told him i just felt really ill but that i was going to ring my mum, so he should continue to concentrate on Izzy. I wobbled my way back down the stairs, and was now so confused i couldn’t even figure out how to dial my mums number. Eventually i managed to get hold of her. She immediately told me to call the emergency doctor, which i did. By now i was crying almost hysterically.

Adam came back downstairs with Izzy, worried and trying to figure out what on earth was going on, as i’d been absolutely fine the last time he saw me.

The people at the emergency centre said they needed to get help to me asap and that i needed to keep talking to them. They said that an ambulance and paramedics were on their way and that i would more than likely end up in hospital. I was still far from organised with my hospital bag, so attempted to rush round and grab a few bits.

Minutes later, my Sister Abi, and brother in law, Paul turned up. My mum had rung them and said i needed help, knowing that as they only live around the corner, they could be here within minutes.

The paramedic turned up first, he was doing a few basic health checks when we saw the blue flashing lights coming down the street. The ambulance arrived with two further paramedics. Abi and Paul gathered a few bits together for Izzy, and took her back to their house, as it was clear by now that we were going to be heading for hospital.

Once we got to the hospital, they attached me to all the monitors, and came and took more blood. I was having really strong Braxton hicks by this point, which the doctors were picking up on the monitors. They decided to examine me, and i was 1cm dilated. The midwife gave me a sweep and they decided  to keep me in, because of the contractions and because a lot of my symptoms were signs of preeclampsia. It was an awful night in hospital, i was contracting all night until 6am, and then it all just stopped. They let me go home at around 11am, when my mum came to fetch me.

I had some incredibly sad news a couple of weeks before Squishy was due. One of my old singing teachers, Miss Cook, had passed away. She was a huge part of my life for many years and a massive inspiration to me. She taught me so much and will always have a special place in my heart. There was an afternoon of dedications to her on the radio, and tributes were made in the local newspapers etc. She changed the lives of so many girls and my heart aches whenever i think about her passing.

Miss Cooks funeral was going to be on Monday 22^nd July (two days after my due date) so i knew i wasn’t going to make it, as i didn’t want to risk causing drama by my waters breaking while i was there or something, plus i didn’t have childcare for Izzy. I was absolutely gutted to be missing my chance to say goodbye to the lady who had such an impact on my life. This photo was taken in China, just after we had won two gold medals in the world Choral Olympics.

My due date came and went, and i started to prepare myself for it ending as an induction again. We had a lovely day out at a charity fayre on the Sunday (day after due date). Adam, Izzy and I, with my mum and step dad joining us for a while too. We did loads of walking, which i knew would help to get the little lady moving.

That night, like so many before it, became a pretty restless one. I laid in bed chatting to my sister in law, Kelly, on facebook.  We started saying how we would just love my waters to break, so we would know for a fact that it’s the real deal. No uncertainty. That conversation ended at 23:48 and i attempted to get some sleep. I think i finally nodded off at about 12:30.

At 1:15 i was woken up by a little ‘trickle’. I jumped out of bed, wondering if this could be it. It was such a tiny amount, i was really unsure. My waters had gone ‘Hollywood style’ with Izzy, so this didn’t seem to be anything in comparison, but my heart was pounding, and i so so hoped it was the start.

I woke Adam up and told him i thought my waters had broken, his reply was ‘They wont have’, and he rolled over to go back to sleep! Charming! I gave him a little shake, and stood there trembling for about ten minutes trying to decide what to do. When i’d been in hospital the week before, they told me to ring as soon as my waters broke. I was so unsure, i didn’t want to look silly, ringing if id actually just slightly wet the bed or something, but i decided to ring anyway, just to be sure. I walked down the two flights of stairs to get to my hospital bag which was waiting by the front door. (This was Squishys bag, mine was still incomplete). I got my pregnancy notes out and dialled for the midwife. I explained i was really unsure whether it was anything or not, and that i felt really silly. The midwife was lovely and told me not to feel daft. She said for me to keep really active, get on my ball and walk about lots to see if i lost any more water. She also told me to put a pad on, so that i could check the colour of the water (as it had been mainly blood with Izzy). She instructed me to ringer her back in an hours time and tell her how i was.

By the time i got back up to the top floor of the house, i had more water steadily trickling down my legs. I knew at this point that it was the real thing. I felt a sudden rush of panic for what i knew i was about to go through. I had a few tears, and a little shakey moment in the bathroom, then managed to quickly pull myself together. I rang the midwife back and told her that i was now sure it was my waters, and she told me to leave it around 45 minutes, (as she already had three ladies to look after) and then set off for the hospital so that they could check me over. I rang my mum at around 1:55am and told her that things were starting, but that she probably wouldn’t be needed for quite a while, as i wasn’t having any pains yet. I then rang Abi to tell her that we’d be dropping Isabelle of in about half an hours time.

Then the mad panic began, i was rushing round the house, still trickling water everywhere, desperately trying to get the last few bits together for my hospital bag. Adam went into the kitchen to get me a couple of pairs of clean leggings, as it was clear i was going to need them. As he got into the kitchen, a moth which was literally the size of my hand span came in, so he spent a good ten minutes dashing around the kitchen in his pants, chasing a moth with a spatula! That was certainly a moment i wont ever forget.

Finally, we were ready to leave for the hospital...

Both of these photos were taken one day after my due date. Izzy on the left, Squishy on the right. What a difference in bump size! It's hard to believe i carried Izzy for a further 12 days after this photo was taken!

Another little someone Elce...

I cant believe that last time i blogged i was 24 weeks pregnant. That 'bump' is now approaching five weeks old! How time flies! Its going to be impossible to sit and write a full update on the 16 weeks of pregnancy that followed the last post, as well as the birth story, and everything that's happened since, so I'll just have to be pretty brief up until the birth story...

This pregnancy was pretty straight forward really, compared to Izzy's. I did, however, develop SPD, which was incredibly painful, but there wasn't really any other complications. I found it to be a really emotional experience, being pregnant for the second time, as there were so many things i was unsure about.
As awful as it sounds, the main thought that went through my head was 'will i be able to love the new baby like i do Izzy'?
I just love her so so much, i couldn't ever begin to imagine being able to feel like that towards another child. Also, how would Izzy react? Would she be jealous? Will i manage to spread my time between them? So many questions were whizzing round my head for the whole 9 months. I had many a tearful evening with Adam, worrying about all of the above, especially one night, Izzy watched a video of her as a baby, with Adam. She obviously didn't realise the baby in the video was her, and she got so upset watching it, which absolutely broke my heart and made me panic more than ever!

We tried to involve her the whole way through. She came with me to the majority of my appointments, so she listened to baby's heartbeat, and saw her on the screen etc. She eventually learnt the baby's name (well, her own special version) and would choose to come and lift my top, shout her name, read stories, sing songs, give kisses and tickle my bump, which really helped to reassure me. We were never quite sure how much she understood though. Did she just think we had suddenly given my tummy a name? We made sure we always used words such as 'baby' and 'sister' to try and help her to understand.
One day, she was walking up the stairs in our house, and she looked up and saw a big photo we have of me, Adam and her when she was 11 weeks old. While she looked at the photo, she said 'Mummy, Daddy and the baby's name, whilst pointing. This was when we realised out 'baby girl' understands a tremendous amount more than we'd realised.

We also got her involved with helping with jobs too, she'd fetch nappies and wipes etc, and she practiced bathing and feeding her dolly. We read her books about babies too She seemed to be pretty excited about the idea of having a baby sister.

I was surprisingly calm about the idea of going through labour again. Even up to the very end of pregnancy, i didn't feel fear, just excitement. This may have been helped by the fact that many midwives had told me that second labours are normally easier, and normally about half the time the first ones take. So i was thinking i was maybe in for a nice easy 7-8 hour labour. How very wrong i was....

Izzy at 18 months, Squishy at 24 weeks Gestation

I literally cant believe this is the first post I've done since announcing that we have a little 'Squishy' on the way!
This pregnancy is flying by, its been pretty straight forward this time really, compared to how I was when carrying Izzy.
The first 12 weeks this time were pretty difficult. I had terrible sickness and was absolutely exhausted the entire time. I think having the lack of energy that comes during those few weeks anyway, together with the energy an adorable little toddler takes up, meant I was pretty much running on empty for the entire first trimester.
As soon as I hit the end of the 12 weeks, things immediately started to get better, the sickness subsided and my energy levels picked up. Having said that, I could still easily have a little nap most afternoons, but I'm getting through the day a great deal easier than I was.
So I feel almost like I'm sailing through it all this time. I've actually almost forgotten I'm pregnant a few times, as awful as that sounds.
I am  24 weeks today, which means Squishy is officially viable! It's going by so quickly it's scary.

Squishy at 12 weeks!

 

On Thursday 7th March, we found out we are having another beautiful little girl! Which we were both secretly hoping for! She already has a name, we are just trying to make a final decision on her middle name, but she will be known as 'Squishy' until we can introduce her to the world properly.

Squishy at 20 + 5

 

I'm feeling some pretty strong movements, and she tends to dance all over the place whenever I'm in the bath, just like Isabelle used to! I did wonder whether I would regret us finding out the baby's sex, as it was so lovely to have a surprise last time. However, I don't regret it at all, I love knowing that its a little girl growing and wriggling in there, my little girl! It's made life so much cheaper, and easier that we are having another girl too, as we still have all of Isabelle's clothes, some of which she has never even worn!

I think Izzy's starting to understand a little. We are talking a lot about babies with her, and we keep telling her that Squishy is in mummy's tummy (we use her name though, and don't refer to her as 'Squishy' when talking to Isabelle). She's started playing a lot more with her' baby' , pushing her around in a pushchair, and pretending to feed her, which i think will really help things. She'll be able to copy what mummy does with Squishy, with her dolly! She knows exactly where her little sister is now, and even gives my tummy kisses and waves to it. (adorable!!)

I do feel a little overwhelmed with a complete mix of emotions with this pregnancy. As excited as I am about welcoming Squishy into the world, and our family being complete, I cant help but feel utter guilt towards Isabelle. I love her so much, its hard to imagine having to split the time I spend with her, with another baby. I'm so worried that she's going to feel replaced, or pushed out, I cant bare the thought of that! Which is why we want to involve her as much as possible.

Isabelle is such a little character now! She's 18 months old and the cheekiest, most adorable little monkey I have ever known! I couldn't possibly be more in love with her! She's very nearly walking. She's got a big cuddly toy bunny, and if we hold its hand on one side, she'll hold its other hand and walk all over the place, so its just a matter of building her confidence now.
She's coming out with a lot of new words now too, the latest ones are 'Knee, Bye, Wee wee, Peppa, and Baby'.
She is fantastic with sign language now, and can do the following signs:

* Milk
*More
*Hungry
*Tired
*Hot
*Cold
*Bath
*Nappy Change
*Clean
*Pig
*Sand
*Water
*Hat
*All gone
*Baby
*Book
*Carefully
*Bye
* Pain
*Monkey
*Sorry
*Eat
*Please
*Thank you

She's picking new ones up all the time! Its brilliant to be able to communicate with her before she can speak to us properly. She's a fantastic little lady and she has truly brightened our lives!

We are looking forward to a lovely family holiday in three weeks time. We're having two weeks at the seaside, our last holiday before Squishy arrives. I cant wait! We're really going to make the most of it, and spoil her rotten for a couple of weeks. My sister and brother in law are coming to join us for a couple of nights too, which will be lovely!

I bought Isabelle and Squishy's first matching outfit yesterday. We don't really need to buy any clothes, as we have so many, but I do just want them to have a couple of matching outfits :)

We have also set up our payment plan for a fantastic brand new pram! I'm completely in love with it! Choosing a double pram was something I had to think very carefully about, as I still struggle a lot with my back. It needed to be one that was reasonably easy to get around, and fold up etc.
I fell in love with the Obaby Zoom, as soon as I set eyes on it. It comes with a carrycot, and two seats, so Squishy can be in a proper little 'moses basket' style carrycot when tiny. Then when they are both in seats, they can both face either way, which means they can face each other if they want to! I love it, and its actually even easier to push than my single!!

So, that's my update for tonight! I'll try and get back on track with blogging a little more now :)

Love love love x x x