Happy Christmas!

It's Isabelle's first Christmas Eve today, and we have so much to do to make sure its the most magical day ever tomorrow! Adam's gone to Arnold to pick up one of her presents, and taken her with him, to give me a chance to get some more wrapping done.
I'm going to make sure we take a million photos and film as much of her first Christmas as possible!
We had a little mini Christmas last night. My dad lives in Norfolk but came over to my grandparents for the night. We had a Chinese and then exchanged presents. Isabelle's got some lovely things already :) I think we're going to have to get an extension on the house by the end of this year!!
Isabelle's got her first stage performance this afternoon!! She's Jesus in a nativity play! I've got to stand and sing Silent Night without getting teary whilst watching my baby be the star of the show! I cant wait!

I wanted to send a message to all my followers out there. I wanted to thank you for your support and interest in my blog over the past year. I can't believe almost a whole year has gone by! It was boxing day/ my 21st Birthday last year when we found out we were having our beautiful baby. The year has flown by, and now she's here, all ready for her first Christmas and more beautiful than we ever could have imagined.
I want to thank each and every one of you for following me on this amazing journey of 2011! I never imagined that I'd have so many readers from all over the world, I'm sure that will mean a lot to Isabelle when she's older too!
I hope you all have a Christmas as magical as i know mine will be.

Here's to love, laughter and a happy ever after :)

Merry Christmas everyone!! xxx

Bad news in time for Christmas..

WARNING: If you don't want to know all of my gory details, you probably didn't ought to read this post. You have been warned..

I went to the hospital yesterday expecting to have my Physiotherapy that I'd been referred for. I had to go to the Gynae department, and i sat in the waiting area for about an hour!

I was a bit on edge to begin with, as I'd left Isabelle at work with Adam, in the hope i would only be about an hour, she was asleep when i left so i thought it would be fine as long as i wasn't too long.

A nurse came out first and called me through, she did me height, weight (unfortunately) and blood pressure and then sent me back out into the waiting area. I waited for about another 15 minutes, before being called in to see the doctor.

I sat down and he (yes, unfortunately it was a man) took some details from me, and i explained the problems I'd been having. He said he wanted to examine me, which made me really nervous, as the GP had done this a couple of times and it had been incredibly painful for several days.

I got ready on the bed and he came in, literally the minute he looked at me he could see there was a problem. He knew what it was straight away. He touched me slightly and i winced in pain so he told me to get dressed and take a seat.

Apparently i have been stitched up the wrong way (across instead of down). And it has healed like that. So i have got to go in and have an operation. They'll put me to sleep, cut me again and restitch me.

The doctors actually said they don't know how I've managed for 14 weeks with the pain i must have been in. (It has been horrendous).

Sometimes in similar but less severe cases they would wait until i was giving birth for the second time to do the operation. My case is so severe i wouldn't even be able to make another baby (as the act that is necessary to do so is impossible for me like this).

They told me i would have the operation the following day (today) and that i would be having my pre-op straight away.

I got a bit upset and had a little panic, it was all so quick, i barely had time to take it all in. I asked if i could go and fetch Isabelle and come back for the pre-op, as i was worried about Adam managing her at work. I left the hospital at about 11:35, they told me to come back at 2:15 for the pre op.

When i got back to Adam, i shed a few nervous tears while he, and a couple of his colleagues tried to reassure me.

Adam and i went for lunch together and i rang my mum. Adams boss kindly said he could have today off to look after Isabelle while I'm in hospital.

I headed back the hospital with Isabelle, ready for my pre-op. There was a lot of waiting around again. I had to have swabs for MRSA, do a peak flow test, have blood tests, have my tummy pressed, have my heart and chest listened to etc, all the usual tests. I then had to sit and answer a thousand questions about my health and family history. She asked if I'd had any flu-type symptoms during the past two weeks.

I was really poorly last week with a terrible cold, it hasn't completely gone yet and Adams still suffering really badly with it.

When i told her this, she said i wouldn't be able to have the op for another two weeks! So now, instead of getting it over and done with, i have all over Christmas to worry about it, before actually going in on 3/1/12 :(

My big girl!

Well, Isabelle is now 13 weeks and 6 days old, 3 months exactly last Tuesday! I really don't know where the time goes. I know everyone always says 'they aren't babies for two minutes' but i seriously wasn't expecting it to go this fast. Where has my tiny baby gone?

She may not be tiny anymore, but she gets more and more beautiful everyday! We don't just have smiles now, we have full on giggles which is amazing. This usually happens when I'm doing something daft, and once she's giggled, i naturally have to do it again and again just to see that happy little face!

We do a lot of singing throughout the day, and i tap out rhythms on her back when she's unsettled which really seems to soothe her. She's an incredibly vocal baby, and has been from very early on, so i think she'll be a little chatterbox and/or a lovely singer :) She sits and listens completely whenever i sing which is lovely.

Yesterday, we went for a rehearsal for the Nativity play we are in on Christmas Eve. Isabelle is Jesus and I'm an angel (singing Silent night). My little cousin is playing Mary, so she gets to hold Isabelle for quite some time. Luckily she's sitting cross legged on the floor as little monkey is rather heavy now! (12lb 8oz last Wednesday).

Isabelle was as good as gold throughout the rehearsal really, but got a little grizzly just before i did my song. Literally as soon as i started singing she fell silent and just lay there listening, which brought tears to a few eyes!

The changes we have seen in her development over the past few days has been phenomenal! She's becoming so independent (although she does still like to be close to mummy) and sooo interested in the world! She tries to sit up now whenever we lay her down! And she's been supporting her head beautifully over the past few days! She also like to stand up with support, her legs are so strong! Sometimes we struggle to sit her in our lap now, as she refuses to bend her legs, and wants to be standing!

One of her favourite things to do is admire herself in the mirror. Every morning, after getting up and dressed, i take her into the bathroom before we head downstairs. I tell her that we are going to see the 'pretty little girl in the bathroom' literally as soon as she see's herself she's giggling and giving shy little smiles.. its adorable. She would stay there for hours admiring herself I'm sure! Just watching her is fascinating though, shes even started wriggling her fingers and watching in the mirror, then looking at her fingers, and back to the mirror. You can completely tell that she's learning every second of the day!

I've just realised i haven't really spoken about myself for a while, how I've been since birth etc. The first few weeks of Isabelle's life we're incredibly tough, she was so ill and we didn't even know, so there's no wonder things were like they were. Since discovering her problems (well, most of them, some things are still being looked at) she has been an absolute delight and I've really enjoyed motherhood.

Obviously when you go for your review with the doctor they speak to you about contraception. I thought about this no end and finally came to the decision to try the injection. I used to be on the pill, but never got on with it particularly well, and I'm worried that now my lifestyle is so busy (i barely have time to wash my hair) i would forget to take it. Whereas the injection is just a quick trip to the surgery every 12 weeks, job done!

A went for my first one a few weeks ago, and thought this would definitely be the method i would stick with, as i was in and out even before my appointment time (which is very unusual for our surgery!) and there really was nothing to it!

However, over the past few weeks i have decided i most certainly will not be going back for another one in February. I've felt awful. I feel sick all the time, I'm constantly exhausted, yet cant sleep (started writing this at 4:20am) my hair is falling out at a stupid pace and I'm actually getting little bald patches, and I've been incredibly down and paranoid. I really have felt so alone over the past week, and began to doubt whether I'm doing a good job as a mum, constantly thinking something bad is going to happen to her. I've been checking her breathing double the amount i was before. It's driving me mad and i cant wait for the awful chemical to be out of my system so i can feel human again. So now i literally have no idea what contraception to look at next. The implant is apparently made of a similar thing (not that i fancy that anyway) and the word 'coil' makes me shudder, so I'm fast running out of options.

I'm not going to go into too much detail, but I've been having a few problems lately, where i don't appear to be healing properly. I've been to the doctors a couple of times and have been examined, I've been in complete agony, and when the doctor pressed inside my tummy, there was a certain area that she wasn't happy with, and it was the exact same area that made me screech in pain. So i have been referred to the hospital. Therefore contraception isn't something i need to be worrying about at the moment, but definitely need to be thinking about it a bit.

I have also been referred for my back. I'm beginning physio today, and they will be looking at the other issue too. I'm having terrible back problems since that Epidural went wrong. I struggle to bend for more than a couple of seconds, it hurts to sit down, or stand up, or even just walking for a certain amount of time. Which all makes things very difficult when you have a three month old.

I've been trying to keep busy a little more, so that I'm not just sat at home feeling down. It isn't easy when your skint and you don't drive though. There is a surestart centre just behind my house which is good, as they do 'stay and play' sessions on a Monday morning. It's literally behind my garden fence so really easy for me to get to. I have only been to one session so far but loved spending time with other mums and babies, and Isabelle seemed to love the change in scenery and the different toys to play with. There was a wooden stick with three bells on the end which she loved. She grabbed hold of it and was shaking it all over the place. Mummy may have to invest in one of those!

So it's now only 6 more sleeps until our first little family Christmas and i literally can't wait! I know she isn't old enough to understand, but we have so many family events happening over the next couple of weeks, its going to be perfect! And i intend on filming every second of it!

Love love love xxx

Three Months old!

My beautiful baby girl was three months old yesterday! It's actually scaring me how fast she is growing up. We have been supporting her in a 'sitting up' position more and more lately, and now she's discovered she can be upright, this is how she likes to be!

We are getting so many beautiful smiles and giggles, and she's very talkative now too! Sometimes it really sounds like she's trying to tell us a story!

She is sleeping approximately 8 hours through the night which is wonderful, we are both so proud of her.

We took her swimming for the first time on Monday (12.12.11). The water was quite cold, and she really wasn't too sure to begin with, but got fairly used to it as time went on.

We've been giving her a lot more 'tummy time' lately, which is really helping her to strengthen the muscles in her head. On Monday she held her head up beautifully whilst on her tummy and i was soooo proud of her, as this has been one of the things they were concerned about at the hospital.

Isabelle's first Christmas is fast approaching and its already pretty magical. We've really gone to town with decorations this year and she loves looking at all the lights.

We have a white Christmas tree with all baby pink decorations, including some home made ones, its perfect.

Time is flying by so quickly, I'm really trying to make the most of every second before i go back to work in April.

She now weighs 12lb 8oz which is 4lb 2oz bigger than her birth weight.

She's such a little Character now, sooo cheeky! Everyone who see's her, and gets a flash of that beautiful smile seems to fall instantly in love with her :)

She holds rattles and shakes them now too. Every day we spend half an hour singing songs, which she absolutely loves. She's a very busy little girl :)

Not my tiny baby anymore, but getting bigger and more beautiful by the day :)

xxx

9 weeks old!

I can't believe how long it's been since i last posted! To be honest though there isn't a lot to say at the moment. I imagine this will be the point where i sadly lose many of my readers, as this blog will pretty much have just turned into a mum going on and on about how much she loves her baby. I have enjoyed every second of writing this blog. I never in a million years would have imagined how popular it would become!

Isabelle is now bottle fed all the time. The change in her has been amazing. She's been so much more settled, and even slept for several hours through the night! She now has medications 10 times a day and is generally a lot happier! Over the past few days she has taken a slight step backwards though, she seems to be in a bit of pain again after feeds, and isn't quite as settled as she has been! We're back at the hospital in a couple of weeks so I'm going to mention everything. They have said she may need to go on slightly stronger medication if she's still suffering.

She really is growing up so much! She tries to hold on to things now, and has a favourite bunny :) She smiles and giggles all the time, but especially when you tell her how pretty she is! She makes little noises all the time and sometimes sounds like she's singing. She's getting lots stronger too, and hardly stays still! She's definitely trying to hold her head up! She's at the age where we can really play with her now. We sing songs with her and read books, she loves to look at the pictures.

I'm trying to speak to her in french, as well as English as much as possible, and i also sign to her a lot too. Some of my family are french, and my cousins we're brought up with their mum speaking French, and their dad speaking English. The oldest of these cousins has just gone to University, and is fluent in French, English, Spanish and Japanese!

Its my sisters wedding this weekend and i couldn't be more excited. Abi and Paul are so good together and it'll be really emotional to finally see them say their vows after two years of intense wedding plans :) I hope their day is perfect and i cant wait to be a bridesmaid, and see Isabelle in her special little dress!

Adam and I have now opened a savings account in Isabelles name. We each put £20 a month into her account, which will earn interest and hopefully have over £10,000 ready for her when she's older :)

I've also set up an email account for her, inspired by the 'Dear Hollie, Google Chrome advert. We are going to email her all her life, with updates, photo's and videos :)

She is honestly the most beautiful little girl in the world. I only met her 9 weeks ago, but my life would never be the same without her.

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx Isabelle Verona Elce xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Decisions Decisions

After last weeks disaster i found myself facing a very difficult decision.. to feed or not to feed. Isabelle took to breastfeeding really well, and it was such a special bond that we shared. I loved feeding her, and was proud that I'd managed to stick with it, even though i spent the first week of her life paralysed.

Since finding out about Izzy's feeding problems, i cut all dairy out of my diet. Which was a lot harder than i expected. It was in things i would have never even thought to check. So i literally checked everything. The doctors at the hospital had told me to feed her on the prescribed formula for about 3 days, until the dairy was completely out of my system.

On Tuesday afternoon, i nervously tried her with her first breastfeed. She still screamed in pain afterwards and continued to be violently sick. I now don't think that dairy protein is the only thing she was reacting to.

I gave her one breastfeed a day, for a couple of days, and got the same reaction each time. It was still two weeks until we were being seen at the hospital again, and i couldn't bare the thought that i was still making her ill. So i made the heartbreaking decision to stop breastfeeding :( I cant actually believe how gutted i am about it. I'm just trying to concentrate on the fact that I'm doing whats best for Izzy. I'd always planned to feed her for at least the first nine months.

I was even more desperate not to give up when we were told that if i could do it for the first 4 months, it might help to stop her getting other allergies in the future. I just couldn't bare to see her reaction after each feed, she was so poorly. Especially seeing as she was so happy, and settled after a bottle feed. I really am devastated though, i could literally cry every time i think about it.

Also, it's been a bit tough this past week, usually when you stop breastfeeding you just decrease the number of feeds gradually, to allow your body to slow down the milk production. I have had to just stop altogether, straight away. So my boobs have been absolute agony. They just kept filling up and up, to the point where i could hardly fit in any of my clothes, and even Katie Price would have been a little jealous! They were just never being emptied anymore, they felt like they were going to explode, and there was no way i could be comfy in bed, so lost out on a lot of sleep again, total nightmare. It seems to be easing off a little now though.

Isabelle is like a completely different child since she's been on formula. She sleeps at night and is so much more settled during the day! We don't have to worry about taking her out places anymore. She used to just scream constantly (she was in so much pain ) but now she's an absolute delight. She went to her first party last Saturday and was as good as gold, she really seemed to love it. She lay there wide awake for several hours, watching the disco lights. She was held by many different people and she barely even squirmed all night!

I've decided i really want to start filming her more. She has so many funny little mannerisms that we adore, and will miss when she's older, like they way she tips her head back and shakes it from side to side when she's waking up, how she never quite manages to get her second sneeze out properly, and how grumpy she gets when her hiccups go on for too long. She's so funny. I really feel like i know her inside out now. There are certain songs that i can sing to her when she's absolutely screaming and they completely calm her down.

I love her more and more every single day, she still has big dark blue eyes and i just melt whenever she looks at me. She's started to really smile now too. I cant believe how fast she's growing up! I want her to stay my baby forever!

I'm possibly having my first night away from her this weekend, as its my sisters hen night, and it would be much easier for me to stay over at my mums after.Adams taking Izzy to his friends Halloween party, then looking after her himself for the night! I'm really nervous! I just know I'll be ringing and texting him constantly to check she's OK!

I'm going to put some more photo's on later so you can all see how much she's changing :)

Love love love xxx

The scariest night of our lives.

WARNING: This blog post is far from cheery, and may upset some readers.

I have now sat down to write what is going to be by far the most difficult blog post yet. I think I'm actually going to find it pretty hard to relive it and put it down in words, but its a huge part of this story.. something which could have brought a very abrupt end to it. So here we go...

I have really found these past few weeks of motherhood difficult. I haven't felt like there has been anything i could do to make Isabelle better when she was crying. She has hardly slept at all, apart from if she's out in her pram. Whenever we're at home she just cries constantly, i don't get any sleep and i don't get anything done - its been exhausting! She'd cry, so I'd feed her, then a matter of minutes later she'd be absolutely screaming! She'd turn purple and hold her breath and getting really distressed! Within half an hour she'd be rooting again as if she was hungry. I was getting really confused, i couldn't understand how she could possibly be as hungry as she appeared to be. I was getting really sore from the constant feeding. She was pretty inconsolable most of the time!

Also, to add to my concern, she hadn't poohed for several days, which i asked my midwife about and she said not to worry until she hadn't been for two weeks (If she still hadn't by Monday i needed to ring the doctor). I explained that she seemed to really be in pain, and that she was very unsettled but she didn't seem concerned.

Over the next few days a couple of other things begin to concern me.. Usually when she starts to cry, she whimpers a little first before it turns into a proper cry. By this point she would be laying still and then just suddenly start screaming, and there would be nothing i could do to calm her down. Literally all of the hair fell out on the top of her head within a day (I know it can be normal for hair to begin falling out, but its usually at the back and isn't so sudden). She also started vomiting full feeds back as soon as she's had them (She'd never really been sick at all before) .. By Wednesday, she was being so sick it was coming out of her nose as well and almost choking her.

I've been spending most nights sleeping on the sofa, with Izzy in a moses basket at the side of me. Adam has to get up for work and so i figured it wasn't fair for him to be kept awake all night every night with her screaming. Also, being in the lounge meant i could have the TV on very quietly, to give me something to focus on and help to keep me awake.

On this particular night, she seemed particularly distressed so i sat and cuddled her after her feeds in attempt to calm her down. She finally settled down at approximately 3am, so i put her down ready to get some rest myself. Usually, if she is asleep during the night, i am fast asleep myself, as i get so little chance to get any sleep. For some unknown reason i just randomly went to check her at about 3:45am, possibly because it was so unusual for her to seem so settled.

When i first looked at her i realised she looked a lot paler than usual. She is usually a very light sleeper, the slightest touch would make her wriggle and squirm, and she jumps very easily with loud noises.

I touched her arm first, and she didn't move, i stroked her face and she still didn't move. She felt really cool to touch. I then rested my hand on her chest and listened for her breathing. It didn't take long for me to realise she wasn't breathing at all. I scooped her up as fast as i could, and she just flopped completely in my arms. My heart was pounding like it never has before. I started swinging her fast in my arms and shouting her name. I ran out into the landing where the light was on. I rocked her harder, blew in her face and tapped her cheeks, constantly screaming her name at her. I then started running up the stairs with her in my arms, shouting for Adam. He jumped out of bed and came straight to us. She was still pale and completely lifeless. I blew in her face again, really hard and she did one huge gasp. She then started to breathe faintly, but still just flopped with no response, and her eyes closed. Adam took her off me and rubbed her all over and after what felt like a life time her eyes began to flicker and then they opened. At this point i fell to my knees, hysterical and shaking uncontrollably. I hadn't cried at all until that point, i hadn't had time to.

After what seemed like forever i was finally sitting in front of a doctor, explaining everything that had happened, including my concerns from over the past few weeks. She asked me to undress Isabelle. I explained that she had now not poohed for ten days! She pressed hard on Izzys tummy, and my baby girl screamed with pain!

She then listened to her heart and lungs, and took her temperature. She told me to redress her, and she went straight over to the phone. She phoned the ward and told them she was admitting a 4 week old baby. My heart sunk. 

Izzy was screaming again by now and i just couldn't take my eyes off of her. When we got there we went straight to Ward 25 another Doctor came to speak to us. As soon as he started talking i suspected that Isabelle had done a poo. They found us a bed (With bars) and took us round. Before he examined her we checked her nappy. Thanks to the doctor pressing her stomach she had finally gone, and it was everywhere. She was still screaming, but Lynn and i got her bathed and wrapped up warm ready for her to be examined. The doctor was concerned by how swollen her tummy looked. We went over her symptoms and the events of the early hours again while he examined her. By this time, she had a rash which had appeared on her chest. They checked this and explained that it was just because she was so distressed.

She was really upset and screaming, so i fed her again while the doctor finished his questions. He then left us for a while and the nurse came in. She asked a load more questions, attached a little bag to Izzy to get a urine sample and weighed her. She was 9lb 14oz, so she had still been putting weight on.

Adam arrived and we had a tearful hug. The doctor came back a while later and told us that we were going to be kept in over night, he said that Isabelle needed a cannula putting into her tiny little hand so they could take blood tests, and in case she needed any medication. I was sobbing again by this point. He said she would then be wired to heart monitors and breathing monitors until they worked out what was causing it.

Luckily Lynn said she didn't mind going with Izzy while she had her cannula in, as neither me or Adam felt we could face seeing her go through that. I felt guilty for not going with her, but knew i wouldn't be much use if i did.

They left us for quite a while, Izzy had settled, so i went outside to ring my mum. She told me she was on her way and was bringing some extra clothes for Izzy and I. By the time i got back up to the ward Izzy and Lynn had gone. Adam and I spent the next 10-15 minutes pacing up and down. We could hear our beautiful little girl screaming from right down the corridor.

My mum arrived while before they'd come back and i just clung to her and cried. A few minutes later Lynn walked in carrying Izzy. We rushed over to them. Lynn looked really flushed and said it had been incredibly distressing. Izzy had her whole arm bandaged up with the tube coming out, and a bruise on her other hand, as they'd had to try both. She was really pale and didn't look well at all.

They then told us they had a room ready for us, so we went to get settled. They wired Izzy to the monitors, there was a clicking noise every time she breathed. Alarms sounded every time she stopped breathing, or if her oxygen levels went dangerously low (which happened approximately 17 times during the night). The nurses came in and said that the alarms would sound if she hadn't been breathing for 20 seconds! Which seems like such a long time for such a little person to not be breathing.

We were all on edge for the rest of the evening. Nurses were coming in and out constantly and i couldn't take my eyes off my little lady. They came to take the bag with her urine in, which made her scream again. Eventually they came back to tell us there had been a trace of infection in her urine. The nurse gave us a foil bowl and asked us to attempt to try and get another sample in it. Trying to hold a month old baby over a bowl like that until she did a wee was impossible!

The staff were fantastic, they showed us where we could make ourselves hot drinks, and answered any questions we had. My mum went home to get some things, and Adam and Lynn went home when she got back. Mum stayed with us all night, which i was so grateful for.

We had a few nurses and doctors coming in and out through the night, and the following morning they came to explain results to us. They found that Isabelle is Dairy Protein intolerant, therefore i have had to cut all dairy products out of my diet. Her stomach was really inflamed inside and she also has acid reflux. So she's been in agony, no wonder we couldn't settle her. Every single one of the feeds I've given her has made her more and more ill. I feel awful. I know i wasn't to know, but when she cried, i fed her, so she cried even more... i completely understand it now and its heartbreaking.

We now attach her to a monitor which clicks every time she breathes, the same as in the hospital, and an alarm sounds if she stops breathing. Its such a relief to have this as i would never have been able to sleep otherwise. She has medication 8 times a day and we have to keep her upright for 30 minutes after every feed. She's got 3 follow up appointments next week to check everything is still OK.

This has been the worst experience of my life. I was 100% sure she was dead when i found her that night. I never would have forgiven myself if my milk had killed her. I love her so much, that nights going to haunt me forever.

My beautiful girl

3 weeks, 3 days!

Just a short update tonight :)

Isabelle is now 3 weeks and 3 days old! Its gone sooo fast and she's changing so much! I really feel like I'm beginning to get the hang of motherhood now :) We are settling into more of a routine and I'm getting more and more confident going out and about and feeding in public!

Little moomin is being weighed on Monday so it'll be interesting to see how much she's put on! I imagine she's definitely at least 10lb if not more by now!

She's focusing really well now and loves to look at faces! The wallpaper in our living room is black and white and she loves staring at that! She's also learnt to put her hand to her mouth now and loves to suck her fist!

Next Friday night is the first night we are having a babysitter (my mum) and going out. We are spending the evening with my work colleagues and I'm really looking forward to it (apart from having absolutely nothing to wear :/ ).

So i need to try and get her used to taking milk from a bottle, I'm going to express and do some practising this week to make sure she will feed for Grandma :)

I had my bridesmaids dress fitting last Saturday, its now 6 weeks and 2 days until my lovely sisters wedding and i cant wait! The dress zipped up, which is promising, but its very tight and wouldn't be comfortable to wear all day as i am now, so I'm desperate to get some weight shifted! It's tricky as I'm not supposed to do any exercise until 6 weeks after Izzy's birth! It's frustrating because i feel totally fine, but had better listen to the doctors! On a positive note though, i did 24 hours of walking with the pram last week! Walking shouldn't do any harm, so I'm trying to do as much as possible :)

Loving my little family millions :) xxx

20 days

Our beautiful little girl is 20 days old already! Its scary how fast its going and how much she's changing already! She looks completely different to how she did when she was born. She's really starting to focus on faces now, and she has some amazing expressions! I literally cant take my eyes off of her, she makes me so proud every single day.

I have to hold my hands up and say parenthood is a lot harder than i was expecting. Everyone always tells you how hard it is etc, and there's no way i was expecting it to be easy but i have certainly been surprised. It hasn't been helped by the fact i was pretty useless for the first week, i almost feel like I'm a week behind with learning everything. I'd always imagined that it would be me teaching Adam a lot of things, but its ended up with him being a lot more confident than me, as he did everything for the first week!

Before Isabelle was born, i was fully aware that i would have to get used to the sound of a baby crying, I'm usually quite laid back so didn't think i would get stressed by it at all. One thing i didn't prepare for was how hearing her cry would make me feel. It actually breaks my heart. She's not a baby who cries constantly at all, but when she does it really gets to me. She seems to go through a phase every evening between 7pm and 3am where she constantly needs to be held. At first, she seemed to want to be feeding constantly, which was very tiring and was making me very sore, but now i think she gets tummy ache, and just generally wants comforting. When she gets really upset, she turns purple and stops breathing for several seconds! I find this so distressing and have ended up in tears myself on many occasions now.

Adam manages to stay quite chilled out though and helps to reassure me that she isnt as distressed as she looks.

The nights have been tricky, we've had a lot of visitors, and quite a busy schedule so far, so i haven't been managing to get much sleep through the day, so I've been pretty exhausted. Isabelle and I have both been a little poorly too, which hasn't helped, as even when she's sleeping I've struggled to get any rest.

The past two nights seem to have settled down though, she's going a lot longer between feeds now and is awake a lot more throughout the day which means she's more tired by the evenings, so hopefully we'll start to settle into a bit of a routine now!

I'm really happy with my decision to breastfeed. Its the most amazing thing in the world, i love how she looks up at me when she's feeding, she's perfect. Its been tough to begin with but I'm glad I've stuck it out, especially through the stage where i couldn't move and people had to latch her on for me. We both seem to have got the hang of it now though and its going well. I've even done my first couple of feeds in public (with help from my mum).

She's definitely feeding well as she's putting weight on fast! When she was born she was 8lb 6oz, three days later she was 7lb 12oz, and 8 days later she was 8lb 13oz! So she's probably well over 9lb by now!

She is all official now too, and has been registered and has a birth certificate!

So i am pretty much fully recovered after the birth, and all the paperwork etc has been done, so now its time to really be able to enjoy our lovely little lady :)

Button is finally here! :) The birth story..

So its not far off a month since my last post, and sooo much has happened since then! I've been wanting to write this for ages, as i am already starting to forget little details now that my notes have gone.

After my due date i had two sweeps, the first one was when i was 6 days overdue, the midwife said i was 1cm dilated but the baby's head was still not set in the right place, so things were definitely happening, but Button still didn't appear to want to head out any time soon.

I then had a second sweep on the Friday, when i was 9 days overdue, by this time i was 2cm dilated and baby's head was good to go! I was booked to be induced on the Monday morning, which i really wanted to avoid as I'd been told if the induction went ahead i wouldn't be able to use the birthing pool.

The midwife who did my second sweep was quite confident that the baby would make its own way out over the weekend and that i wouldn't need the induction on Monday morning. Over the weekend i had a few good tightening but nothing major happened.

I found it difficult to sleep on Saturday night, knowing that i was only going to be waiting another couple of days to meet my baby. I think i managed to get about two hours sleep that night, and hardly any at all on the Sunday night. That's one big downside to knowing the date your going to go into labour in advance, you can guarantee you aren't going to get any sleep the night before! My tummy was in knots!

I set my alarm for 6am on Monday morning, but was already wide awake. I had been told that i was booked in for 8:30am, but that i should ring just after 6 to check that they could still fit me in. The midwife i spoke to said that it was incredibly busy, there wasn't any space for me, and that i should call back after 12 to see if things had changed by then. I couldn't help but feel a little gutted about it. Id got myself so mentally prepared for it happening, and was so fed up (as i was now 12 days overdue and pretty huge) i couldn't bare the thought that it might be another day or two.

We checked our hospital bags and put everything into the car, and headed to Tesco for some last minute labour snacks and to have lunch in the cafe. We were still there at just gone 12 so i rang the hospital back. They told me to be there by 1:45. So we did our shopping and headed straight into Worksop. We went to Adams work first to pick up his phone charger, and i was given some last minute words of support from some of his work colleagues. We then headed to the hospital and had a drink in the cafe before going to meet my mum.

When we got into the labour ward they took us round to an observation bay, where i had a bed, and a couple of chairs for Adam and mum, and they pulled the curtain round. The midwife came in and strapped the monitors to me to check baby's movement and heart rate, she then left us for quite some time while they got a good reading. At about 3:40pm she came back and gave me a pessary, she said that i was still 2cm so they weren't able to break my waters straight away. The plan was then that they would leave me for 6 hours and return at 9:30pm to either break my waters (if possible) or give a second pessary and leave me a further 6 hours.

My mum gave me an amazing hand and foot massage with some special oils she had packed which really helped me to relax. I then decided i probably ought to attempt to get some sleep as we could have a long night ahead. My mum went in search for a cafe for a cup of tea while i tried to rest and Adam occupied himself playing games on the Ipad. I failed to get any sleep and they brought my tea at 5pm which was a lovely ham salad, they threw in some extra packets of biscuits and snacks to help to keep us all going through the night. Whilst my mum was out she found the main hospital restaurant and noticed that it shut at 7pm, her and Adam hadn't really had anything to eat so we decided they should try and get some tea before it shut. The midwife popped in again and checked my readings were all OK before removing the monitors. She told me i was quite welcome to leave the labour ward for a walk around, and advised us that keeping as active as possible could help move things along. We all decided to have a walk to the restaurant together.

We had a steady walk, and i was beginning to get quite uncomfortable. I felt incredibly heavy, and was very hot and thirsty. We sat in the restaurant for about 20 minutes while mum and Adam had something to eat, but i really struggled to get comfortable, i kept standing up and sitting down, and going back and forth to the toilet as i kept feeling like i needed a wee. We then decided that, although i was really uncomfortable we should try and have a long walk to get things moving. So we walked right round the outside of the hospital to get back to the labour ward. Towards the end of the walk i was beginning to have some quite painful contractions, and had to stop walking and cling onto my mum whilst breathing through them. We stopped at the car on the way back and Adam picked up my suitcase, then we headed back to the observation bay.

When we got back they strapped me to the monitor for a quick five minute check. Once that was done (at 7:20pm) i felt desperate for a wee, so i got up.. almost the second i stood up i felt a really strange 'pop' in my lower tummy and about 3 seconds later a huge gush of fluid flooded down my legs. I grabbed onto the table and shouted 'my waters have broken' to my mum and Adam. After a few seconds you could see the fluid (still gushing out) streaming across the floor. My trousers were completely drenched so we decided it was a good time to change into my nighty. I got cleaned up, and had a little bounce on my ball, still having painful contractions, but not very close together. A few minutes later i stood up and felt another gush. We looked down, and instead of the clear fluid that had been there before, it was pure blood running down my legs. Panic hit all three of us and my mum ran straight to fetch a midwife, my knees bucked and i clung, hysterical to Adam, who looked incredibly worried but still tried to console me. My mum came back within a few minutes, and the midwife said that the blood loss was completely normal. This frustrated me a little, as we had been to several anti natal classes that had told us we should take careful notice of what colour the waters were. We had been told that if they had any pink or green colour to them, we should urgently ring the labour ward as it could be a dangerous sign. I hate to imagine how we would have reacted if this had have happened at home!

Over the next hour i had a further two gushes, mainly of water but a fair amount of blood came with it. By the time the gushes had finished, my bump was literally half its original size, which made me feel allot happier about how big the baby may be.

The contractions began to get quite strong, and you could actually see my tummy tighten and change shape before the pain arrived. They strapped me back to the monitors to have a look. The contractions were showing up, but not in the 'normal' patten.

After a while of being strapped down, i became desperate to get into the bath, which the midwife said was OK. My mum went to fill the bath for me, but it was really slow and seemed to take forever, so i had another bounce on the birthing ball while i waited. I had two baths during those first couple of hours. During the second, i took the Ipad into the bathroom with me, as i had my hypnobirth tracks on it. I'd been using them for a few weeks in the run up to the birth. I found them really helpful and calming, it was just a nice gentle reminder that every pain was bringing my baby closer and that i was in control and my body was designed to do it. I got into the bath and tried to start the tracks playing, but they wouldn't work. I was so disappointed as id spent half the pregnancy thinking i would have them to help me relax. Luckily, my mum had brought some special relaxation tracks with her, they weren't birth related but they made me concentrate on being calm and focused so i found them really helpful.

The contractions became incredibly strong and painful at this point. My mum had a jug and poured water over my tummy with each contraction which made them easier to bare. I spent quite a long time in the bath, until the midwife came and asked if she could examine me again. As i got out of the bath, Adam came in and told me to stay in the bathroom for a few minutes, there was a lady screaming in the next room and he didn't want me to panic. We could still hear her with the bathroom door shut so i sat on the toilet and my mum stood in front of me and cuddled me with her hands over my ears. A couple of minutes later a midwife came in to tell us a baby girl had just been born next door. This gave me another rush of excitement and reminded me that all the pain would be so worth it.

We then went back to my bed for me to be examined again, at 00:20 i had only got to 3cm dilated! It felt like a punch in the stomach when they told me that. The pain was pretty intense by this point, so i asked when i would be able to have some pain relief. They brought me gas and air, which i used over the next few hours, although i now realise i hadn't been using it right. All it seemed to do was make me breathless, i didn't like it at all, but it gave me something to focus on, so i kept using it. After about another hour we asked whether i would be able to use the birthing pool, as i hadn't had to have my waters broken. The midwife agreed to go and fill the pool for me, and we gathered our things ready to move into the birthing suite. Once we were in there in went and sat on the toilet while they were filling the pool, my mum came in too, and let me hold on to her. Each contraction made me jump to my feet, i couldn't get into any position which made it any easier, so i just clung to my mum.

Eventually they called me to tell me the pool was ready, so i rushed out and got straight in. We dimmed the lights and continued to play the relaxation tracks. I was feeling so exhausted by this point, as it was the early hours of Tuesday morning and i hadn't slept properly since Friday night. Adam was timing my contractions, and they were only a couple of minutes apart. He stood behind me and held me up, i was nodding off between contractions. Suddenly something just seemed to happen and the pain became almost unbearable, i was gasping hard on the gas and air and moving around in the water, desperately trying to find some position which might help, but there didn't seem to be one. I felt so exhausted i decided to ask about an epidural. Knowing that at my last examination id still only been 3cm made me realise i could be in that pain for several hours. I'd been told that an epidural would completely numb all pain, so i was hoping it may allow me to get some rest before i began to push.

We decided to go ahead and arrange the epidural, as they had told me it could take some time to organize. I got out of the water and onto the bed and had a drip put into my hand. I had the epidural put in at 4:30am and by 5:30 i was 8cm while i was contracting. The epidural wasn't at all what i had expected, i could still feel contractions.. and they were still painful. I still had to use the gas and air through them too. This really began to frighten me, as i was now expecting to feel even worse pain through the pushing stage. They kept topping up my epidural and eventually it began to ease the pain (but didn't take it away altogether like i had expected).

I suddenly began to feel like i needed a wee, but was now unable to get out of bed due to the epidural. They offered me a choice of trying to use a bedpan, or having a catheter. I opted to try the bedpan. They brought it in and lifted me onto it, and it turned out i didn't need a wee after all. While i was tipped up on the bedpan, both mine and the baby's heart rate took a scary turn. It was horrible to hear Buttons heartbeat slow to almost nothing, they quickly took me off the bedpan and put me on my side, and decided to prep me for theatre. Baby's heartbeat slowed dangerously, mine went up from 78 to 183! I suddenly began to have all jewelry removed and my mum was given nail varnish remover and started quickly getting my finger and toe nails cleared and the doctor changed me from my nighty to theatre gowns. While all of this was going on the baby's heart rate improved. Suddenly i realised i was beginning to push, it wasn't something i was even in control of. Each time i had a contraction my tummy just started to push down on its own. I told the midwife, so she decided to examine me again. She said i was only 9cm and that part of my cervix was still in the way, therefore i wasn't allowed to push. I cant even describe how difficult this was, they told me to try and breath through the contractions to stop myself from pushing, but it was almost impossible. I don't know how long i was having to try not to push for, possibly about an hour, but it felt like a lifetime. It was such a relief when they told me i was finally allowed to push. At this stage, i didn't feel any pain really, just extreme exhaustion. It was the best feeling in the world to no longer have to fight what my body was naturally trying to do.

I began pushing at approximately 7am. By this point i was so exhausted i literally fell asleep between contractions as my heart rate was still incredibly high. The whole night feels like a bit of a blur. One thing that annoyed me was we had specifically asked (and put in my birth plan) that if i needed to be cut, they wouldn't tell me it was happening. I gave consent before hand and told them i didn't want to know. I just remember the midwife saying to the doctor 'Are you doing the episiotomy or am i?' .. It's as if they thought i wouldn't know what that meant! They kept telling my that they weren't going to let me push for much longer if not much progress was being made.

They said they had called a doctor to come and 'assist my delivery'. One of my biggest fears throughout the pregnancy was having to have forceps. When i saw the doctor (and practically his classroom full of students) come into the room and start explaining what they were going to do i decided I'd got to give every last drop of energy i had into getting this baby out on my own, so i pushed with everything i had. I had my mum and Adam either side of me telling me how amazing i was doing and saying that the baby was nearly out. I remember my mum telling me that Buttons had gorgeous dark hair :)

Eventually i heard those words that id been so desperate to hear for such a long time 'You've done it!' i looked down as a little body was placed onto my tummy. My tummy churned as i took in the first few sights of my button, the little body was a purple/blue colour and there was no noise. I looked at Adam and he tearfully told me we had a little girl!! After a few seconds the midwives whisked her away, they did some work on her on a little table, and held her upside down etc. She had done a poo on her way out and swallowed some of it, which made her rather poorly. I can just remember repeatedly saying 'is she OK?' , 'promise me she's OK' It was the most emotional moment of my life. Adam, my mum and I were all in tears. We'd both secretly been hoping for a little girl!

After what seemed like a lifetime, they wrapped her back up and passed her to me. Looking down at that beautiful little face was the most amazing moment of my life, and i instantly fell in love with her.

So, i can now officially, and finally announce that my beautiful little Button, Isabelle Verona Elce, was born on Tuesday 13th September 2011 at 9:42am weighing 8lb 6oz.

I cant describe the instant love we all felt for her, and its got stronger every day!

I definitely haven't been put off by the birth at all, however I've had a few problems since which have made things very difficult.

After a few hours, once i was on the maternity ward i began to have severe pain in my neck and the back of my head. It became so bad that eventually i could barely move. I was assessed several times over that evening, and the following day. On Wednesday afternoon a senior anaesthetist came to see me. He explained that while I'd had my epidural they had gone into a nerve, which had made me jump ( i remember jumping slightly), then because I'd jumped, they had gone in too far and made a hole. This was causing the severe pain in my head. He said i needed to have a procedure done in theatre to help to repair the damage. This was arranged for the following day (Thursday), but in the meantime i needed to remain laying flat.

The trip to theatre was very difficult, i wasn't put to sleep for the procedure and i had to sit up, and sit very still for the whole 45 minutes that i was in there, which was unbearably painful.

A few hours after returning from theatre things seemed to be improving, and i even managed to walk to the bathroom, but by later that evening i was in a lot of pain again. They had told me that the theatre procedure may need to be repeated a second time, but i really didn't want to have to have it done again.

Those first few days and nights were really tough emotionally as well as physically. I had this beautiful new baby girl and i could hardly do anything for her. People had to literally latch her to me for feeds and that was all i could do, i couldn't even look at her while she was feeding as i couldn't move my head, and i found this incredibly hard to deal with.

I was discharged from hospital on the Friday night. I ended up lying to the midwives and telling them i felt much better, because i couldn't bare another night of being stuck in there, away from Adam. I spent the whole weekend still unable to move, in agony. On the Sunday night things got really bad, i was feeding Isabelle, and i had to shout Adam to come and take her off of me. I fell to the floor in agony and couldn't move. My mum told Adam to ring the doctor and we ended up at A&E. They decided that along with the problem with my epidural, i had also suffered whip lash, as for the 2.5 hours I'd spent pushing, id been having my chin on my chest, then throwing my head back after every push, which had damaged the muscles in my neck. I spent the next couple of days having lots of hot baths, my mum and Abi gave me massages to try and loosen the muscles and eventually it became a lot easier.

I have to say there is no way i could have been without my mum or Adam during the birth, they were both amazing and so supportive! Adam surprised me so much, i was really worried about how he would cope during the birth and he just got on with it, he even watched Isabelle come out! (ew!). They both made me so proud and it wouldnt have been the same without either one of them!

I still have this horrible feeling in my tummy when i think about those first few days after Isabelle was born. I almost feel like I've missed the first week of my little girls life. She's two weeks old tomorrow! Its gone so fast and she's already changed so much!

I know everybody thinks this about there own child but she really is the most beautiful thing in the world to me. We've had some tough nights so far but every second i love her more and more. That little face looking up at me during her feeds is the most heart warming feeling in the world.

So we are finally a family. I've wanted this my whole life and it still hasn't quite sunk in. I still find myself waking in the night worrying about labour, and then i realise there's no need. I've done it!! And I'd do it a million times over for that little girl!!

Love love love xx

D day!! The calm before the storm!

Well, we made it! Its 2:15am and today is Buttons due date! After all the doctors, nurses and midwives that warned us to prepare for a premature delivery, there is still no sign!

I actually feel a little annoyed that because of this, i finished work so early. In actual fact i probably could have done an extra few weeks had i have known. I was, however beginning to struggle towards the end though so maybe it was for the best.

I thought id write this post to try and describe how I'm feeling now my due date has arrived, but i really don't know how to. I almost feel like I'm living in a bubble at the moment, I've got so many different emotions racing through me it almost doesn't feel real. I have felt an unusual sense of calm today, i assume its probably some natural hormone that's kicked in..

Its weird to think that i have spent the majority of my life being absolutely petrified of what i am about to do, and yet now, i am a matter of days or even hours away from it actually happening i feel the calmest i have about it in years. I guess the feeling of excitement is just taking over.

Having said that, i do keep having my little moments. I was laid in bed earlier and i went to read an app on my phone that I've been using for the whole of my pregnancy. It gives daily updates of whats happening in the little world of Button. Over the past months i have watched the countdown of days on this app, and it feels like only days ago we were beginning the countdown from 100. When i looked at it earlier, and instead of seeing a number of days remaining i saw the words 'delivery day'... it really hit me! Today is the day i have been focused on for the whole of this year, and its actually here!

I continued to read the daily update on my phone, and got into a little panic when i was reading how 'unbearable' the pain can get etc. I had a little cry and a snuggle with Adam and talked again about my fears and the sort of birth i want him to help me to achieve, and now I'm back to feeling calm again.

I'm also very over-emotional at the moment, i guess its just because i know our lives are about to change so much forever. Its so amazingly exciting, but scary at the same time. We now have the little moses basket in our (newly decorated and carpeted) bedroom! Whenever i turn over in the night and see it there next to my bed it makes me feel tearful. I've been to a couple of shops today too, and felt strangely emotional looking at the tiny clothes. All these months I've been looking at the girls, and the boys clothes and wondering which it'll be, now I'm days from finally knowing!

Whenever i do get these little panics there's always two things i want to do, the first, is to go back and read my very first blog post, or even a previous blog i used to write. It reminds me that i have spent my whole life waiting to be a mummy, and it just fills me with excitement again. The second thing is to visit my new niece. Looking at that little face just shows me exactly why i am doing this. When i had the contractions last week, i went round for a snuggle with her, and while ever i was holding her, i just concentrated on her tiny little frame and it made them seem so much less painful.

All the way through my pregnancy, Adam has been hoping that the baby will be at least a day late, so that its born in September and will therefore be the oldest in the year at school instead of the youngest. He was one of the youngest and he hated it, so its something he feels really strongly about. It is beginning to appear that he may get his wish after all! There is exactly 21.5 hours to go until September, and it doesn't feel like anythings going to be happening any time soon!

I'm booked in at the hospital tomorrow, which is something I'm a little nervous about. I have got a scan at 10:30, so they can have a look and get a rough idea of Buttons size and weight, then a consultation at 11:30 to discuss the results. This is where it will be decided whether i am going to have a Section, be induced, or just have a sweep. One of those things will definitely be happening tomorrow!

Adams coming with me, but I've asked my mum to come along to the consultation too, as an extra pair of ears and extra support. She has had medical training so will probably understand everything they tell me a lot better than i do.

I think its going to feel strange tonight, getting the car seat strapped in, and putting my hospital bag in the boot. Tomorrow morning might be the last time i leave this house before returning with my little pudding :)

I'm really quite nervous about the scan part of tomorrow. It almost feels like waiting to be hung, the fact that i am going to be told in lb and oz what size person i have got to attempt to bring into the world. I'm worried that if they tell me the baby is really big, I'll go back to feeling panicked, and lose my cool.

We nipped to Tesco's tonight, to get a few bits of food in that will last for when i get back from hospital. I saw the most gorgeous baby girl dress! Adam is under strict instructions to go straight out and buy it, ready to bring to the hospital for visiting time if Button is a girl!

So, this probably really will be the last blog post before our baby is finally here, or at least until I'm in labour (I'd like to try and do a short post during the first stage of labour if possible).

I would just like to say a big thank you to all of you out there who have followed me through this journey. I've had amazing support from so many of you. Friends, family and even total strangers sending me messages of support and advice!

I started this blog mainly just as a kind of Diary, so that Adam and I can look back over the experience, and eventually one day, share it with Button too. I never imagined that it would end up being read (and enjoyed) by so many people! I've received over 50 messages from people i don't even know, saying how they are enjoying reading it. I now have readers in over 17 different countries, which seems unreal to me!

I have to say though, if it wasn't for my friend Lizz, these memories would probably have been nothing but a few scribbled notes in a pregnancy and baby book. She's the one who inspired me to do it, as i enjoyed (and still do) reading hers so much!

So, i send my love to all of you! I know this sounds weird but i feel in a way like you've all watched me grow up! Followed me, while i start my journey into motherhood. Well, this is it! I'll see you on the other side!!

XxXxXxXxXxXx

Don't forget to bet!

One more thing, if you haven't yet made guesses about Button, click on the 'guess' label at the top of this screen and follow the link to place your bets! I would post the link again but Bloggers being awkward!

Love love love xxx

Showtime? 38+6 - 39

Well guys, i think this might be it, the moment we've been waiting for! Its so frustrating though as i cant be 100% sure. Everyone says 'you'll know when its the real thing' but I'm really struggling to decide whether it is or not. I've had braxton hicks for a while now, and they are fairly uncomfortable, but in no regular pattern. This seems completely different. I think if its not the start of labour, button is definitely making some serious moves into position ready for the big moment..

Yesterday morning (23/8/11) i woke at about 4am with bad period pains. Its funny actually, for the first time in months i completely forgot i was pregnant for a moment. I actually remember thinking 'oh great, my periods on its way, I'd better get up and get sorted'. It wasn't until i tried to get out of bed that i remembered. The tummy ache got pretty bad, but was constant, it didn't come and go. I wandered downstairs for a while and distracted myself until it had eased enough for me to attempt to get back to sleep. For the rest of the day it seemed to come and go, but wasn't majorly painful.

I'd got a nice afternoon arranged as a treat from my mum. She, my sister and I headed to a salon for some treatments. I had a lovely massage and a pedicure. Before my massage began, the woman warned me that there was a possibility it could start my labour. I consented for her to go ahead.

When we'd finished at the salon, we went back to my mums, where i was to spend the next few hours until Adam arrived to collect me. At approximately 5:30 i got a really tense tightening in my tummy, which took my breath away. It lasted a few seconds and I'd forgotten about it shortly after. Within the next half hour this had happened again a couple of times. Mum and Abi were commenting on how my bump had completely changed shape. The tightening became pretty uncomfortable, although still not really painful, i was having to concentrate on breathing through them. My mum sat next to me, and for a few hours she just rested her hand on my bump. She didn't look at me, and could tell exactly when i was tightening just by feeling.

It is now 3:15am and things are pretty much the same, I've been having these contractions approx every 4-7 minutes. They are very uncomfortable now and some are really quite painful. I'm getting pain in my back with them now too.

Its rather frustrating though, as i know that if this is the early stages of the real thing, I'm going to need all the energy i can get, but i already cant sleep through them. I am being woken up every 7 minutes ish which is driving me crazy.

My bump is now rock solid, right down the middle. Up until recently its always been more to one side, so i think Buttons definitely getting prepared.

I almost wish my waters would just break or something, just so i can know for a fact if its the real thing as i don't want to get myself all excited in case it's a false alarm.

I cant help but think that a false alarm wouldn't go on for this long though?

I am booked to see my midwife at 1:30pm later today so it will be interesting to see what she says about it all. Any comments on whether or not people think this is it would be much appreciated :)

Love Love Love, from one very excited mum to be xxx

Soooo Happy!! 38 + 4

I have some incredible news! I am buzzing so much I'm struggling to concentrate on typing! I have a new little niece in the world! My sister in law, Kelly gave birth on Thursday 18/8/11 at 10:32pm to a beautiful baby Girl, Peyton Faye Edwards, and she weighed just 7lb!

I got a text from Kelly at about 3am on Wednesday morning asking if i was awake, and of course, i was. As soon as i got this text my heart was pounding waiting to hear whether something was finally happening with her little munchkin. Kelly was have pains that were coming and going about every 10 minutes, but they weren't majorly painful to begin with. We swapped texts for a few hours, and did some google research. It sounded very much like she was in the early stages of labour. I headed back to bed at about 6am but failed to sleep as i was so excited. Kelly rang the labour ward and was told that someone could come out to examine her anytime after 9am. She was checked over at 11am and was told that she was 2-3cm dilated. I got sooo excited when i found out, as she was in pain, but it wasn't unbearable, and she seemed to have progressed quite quickly. I was convinced we would have a new niece or nephew by that afternoon/evening. In the early afternoon i was asked if I'd like to go to her house and spend some time with her for a while. I really wanted to see her, but at the same time i was really nervous about the visit. I actually expected her to be screaming in agony and climbing up the walls by this point. I really didn't want to see her in so much pain, and was worried that I'd end up freaking out about it nearly being my turn. When i got there i couldn't believe how calm it was. Kelly was laying on the sofa and her mum and partner,Craig were there with her. Everyone was just talking normally. Every now and then i saw Kelly's face and feet scrunch up and we all went quiet and allowed her to concentrate and breathe through her contractions. They seemed to get stronger and closer together in the time i was there, but there was no screaming or cursing at all.. she was amazing! She even made me giggle a couple of times, her sense of humour never went away. She had a particularly bad contraction at one point, and was making little groaning noises, then literally a split second later she looked up and said 'You've not got very far with weeding the garden Craig!'

She was very much her normal self between contractions, and so calm during them. Being there actually made me feel a whole lot better about labour. She was incredible. I spent most of the afternoon and evening with her, apart from a little break where i came home to meet Adam and do dinner. In the end, we didn't leave until 10pm when she was heading to the hospital. (After doing her hair and make up!!) Amazingly, she was still as cool as a cucumber, although clearly in a lot of pain by this point.

We got home, both very excited, expecting to be woken up with some exciting news. I didn't sleep at all, and kept checking my phone to see if there were any updates. At about 1:30am i found out that she was on her way home again, which felt heartbreaking to us, so must have been so disappointing for her!

By about 7/8am on Thursday morning she was having much stronger contractions, and a lot closer together, so they headed off back to the hospital.

I got regular updates throughout the day, and my phone was like a hot line, of people asking whether anything had happened yet and how they were getting on. Kelly was having a pretty rough time at the hospital, she had always been desperate for a water birth, and she'd been told she couldn't get in the pool, or have an epidural due to the lack of staff!! She tried Gas and Air and didn't like it, and in the end, she went 41 hours with no pain relief at all. She was, however, eventually allowed to get into the pool. At one point, a midwife told her she was 6-7cm, so things finally seemed to be progressing. However a couple of hours later i received an update saying that a new midwife had come in and said she was only 5! I was gutted for her. At this point, she'd had about 4 days of no sleep (as she hadn't managed to settle a couple of nights before labour started) and barely any food. She was literally running on empty! She was able to have the epidural by this point and was so exhausted (41 hours of labour!!!) she decided to have it.

She was then pushing for a further two hours, but the baby was in an awkward position. They tried to use forceps but it was unbearably painful for her. In the end they just needed to get the baby out, so they took her down to theatre, gave her a spinal block and used forceps again. A total of 44.5 hours of hell ended with a beautiful baby girl, who couldn't be more perfect! We are all so proud of her!

It has made me so much more excited that we have kept Buttons sex and name a surprise, as there was so much excitement in the build up to Peyton being born, waiting for the phone call to hear the news of our new little family member was a moment i will never forget.

I would actually like to say a big thank you to Kelly, for allowing me to share those hours of her labour with her. She has really inspired me to stay as strong as she did, and i know that i will be focusing on that thought when it is finally my time.

We visited them in the hospital for the first time yesterday, and i literally had to fight back the tears. A mixture of finally getting to see them as a little family, seeing how perfect she is, and knowing that will finally be us in a couple of weeks time felt so emotional. It was amazing seeing Adam with her. I've never seen him look so proud. He couldn't take his eyes off of her. It was lovely. I cant wait to see our babies together. They'll grow up being so close, and i think its lovely :)

Pregnancy-wise, not much to report really. I'm like a giant smarty, and getting more and more uncomfortable. Sleep is still a massive challenge and I'm literally always hot. Getting some amazing wriggles from Button still, which is a lovely reminder that all the discomfort is well worth it.

10 Days to go, and I've never felt so ready in my life :)

Our perfect little niece.