After last weeks disaster i found myself facing a very difficult decision.. to feed or not to feed. Isabelle took to breastfeeding really well, and it was such a special bond that we shared. I loved feeding her, and was proud that I'd managed to stick with it, even though i spent the first week of her life paralysed.
Since finding out about Izzy's feeding problems, i cut all dairy out of my diet. Which was a lot harder than i expected. It was in things i would have never even thought to check. So i literally checked everything. The doctors at the hospital had told me to feed her on the prescribed formula for about 3 days, until the dairy was completely out of my system.
On Tuesday afternoon, i nervously tried her with her first breastfeed. She still screamed in pain afterwards and continued to be violently sick. I now don't think that dairy protein is the only thing she was reacting to.
I gave her one breastfeed a day, for a couple of days, and got the same reaction each time. It was still two weeks until we were being seen at the hospital again, and i couldn't bare the thought that i was still making her ill. So i made the heartbreaking decision to stop breastfeeding :( I cant actually believe how gutted i am about it. I'm just trying to concentrate on the fact that I'm doing whats best for Izzy. I'd always planned to feed her for at least the first nine months.
I was even more desperate not to give up when we were told that if i could do it for the first 4 months, it might help to stop her getting other allergies in the future. I just couldn't bare to see her reaction after each feed, she was so poorly. Especially seeing as she was so happy, and settled after a bottle feed. I really am devastated though, i could literally cry every time i think about it.
Also, it's been a bit tough this past week, usually when you stop breastfeeding you just decrease the number of feeds gradually, to allow your body to slow down the milk production. I have had to just stop altogether, straight away. So my boobs have been absolute agony. They just kept filling up and up, to the point where i could hardly fit in any of my clothes, and even Katie Price would have been a little jealous! They were just never being emptied anymore, they felt like they were going to explode, and there was no way i could be comfy in bed, so lost out on a lot of sleep again, total nightmare. It seems to be easing off a little now though.
Isabelle is like a completely different child since she's been on formula. She sleeps at night and is so much more settled during the day! We don't have to worry about taking her out places anymore. She used to just scream constantly (she was in so much pain ) but now she's an absolute delight. She went to her first party last Saturday and was as good as gold, she really seemed to love it. She lay there wide awake for several hours, watching the disco lights. She was held by many different people and she barely even squirmed all night!
I've decided i really want to start filming her more. She has so many funny little mannerisms that we adore, and will miss when she's older, like they way she tips her head back and shakes it from side to side when she's waking up, how she never quite manages to get her second sneeze out properly, and how grumpy she gets when her hiccups go on for too long. She's so funny. I really feel like i know her inside out now. There are certain songs that i can sing to her when she's absolutely screaming and they completely calm her down.
I love her more and more every single day, she still has big dark blue eyes and i just melt whenever she looks at me. She's started to really smile now too. I cant believe how fast she's growing up! I want her to stay my baby forever!
I'm possibly having my first night away from her this weekend, as its my sisters hen night, and it would be much easier for me to stay over at my mums after.Adams taking Izzy to his friends Halloween party, then looking after her himself for the night! I'm really nervous! I just know I'll be ringing and texting him constantly to check she's OK!
I'm going to put some more photo's on later so you can all see how much she's changing :)
Love love love xxx
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