Miss Independant..

Isabelle's first night in her own room was emotional. I sobbed and i think even Adam got a tear in his eye. She woke me up around 15 times throughout that night. It's quite a cold room though, there's no radiator in there. Each time i went to her, her little hands were like icicles. I added extra blankets and snuggled her in tight and each time she went straight back to sleep.
Her bedtime used to be 10pm, as this seemed to be the earliest she'd settle, however last night we brought it forward to 9pm. We eventually would like to get it down to 7pm. I still maintained the same routine of playtime, bath time, bottle, story, bed, we just did it an hour earlier. She went down at 9pm, i followed shortly after at 9:15 (which is very unusual for me, but i was sooo tired). She woke for a quick feed at 11 (Adam was still up, so he did it) and then slept through until 8:30am. So we are going to stick to 9pm for a while now. This will be nice, as it will give Adam and i a couple of hours together.

I'm in a lot of pain now and really struggling. I just wish i could get my operation over with. It annoys me to think that if it had have been done on the original date, my 6 weeks of recovery would be over by now.
It's recently got to the point where it actually hurts to sit down, and to get into the bath, just every day things. And the pain is getting worse and worse. I have also spent 4 weeks of 2012 bleeding. I'm not sure whether that's to do with the problem, or whether its the depo injection i had but i dint like it. It's a month tomorrow until the operation. As eager as i am to get it done, I'm petrified.
When your in labour, you are in so much pain you don't care what they do to you, you just want it to be over. I pretty much knew I'd end up having an episiotomy, but when it actually came down to it, i didn't really notice at all. However, this time, i will be going into the hospital knowing exactly what they're going to do, and it makes me feel sick. The weeks afterwards will be worse than after I'd given birth as well apparently, as it will be old scar tissue. So it's not going to be a fun few weeks, but i just cant wait until it's all over. It almost feels like the whole fear of birth etc that i dealt with for so long cant go away yet, because it's not all over. It also makes me angry to think that i shouldn't have to be going through this, all these months of pain I've had, and the fear of being put to sleep, as well as the recovery afterwards, i should have been fully recovered months ago.
Adam says he's going to sue for emotional distress, as it'll almost have been a year of no sex by the time I'm sorted! Haha.