Button is finally here! :) The birth story..

So its not far off a month since my last post, and sooo much has happened since then! I've been wanting to write this for ages, as i am already starting to forget little details now that my notes have gone.

After my due date i had two sweeps, the first one was when i was 6 days overdue, the midwife said i was 1cm dilated but the baby's head was still not set in the right place, so things were definitely happening, but Button still didn't appear to want to head out any time soon.

I then had a second sweep on the Friday, when i was 9 days overdue, by this time i was 2cm dilated and baby's head was good to go! I was booked to be induced on the Monday morning, which i really wanted to avoid as I'd been told if the induction went ahead i wouldn't be able to use the birthing pool.

The midwife who did my second sweep was quite confident that the baby would make its own way out over the weekend and that i wouldn't need the induction on Monday morning. Over the weekend i had a few good tightening but nothing major happened.

I found it difficult to sleep on Saturday night, knowing that i was only going to be waiting another couple of days to meet my baby. I think i managed to get about two hours sleep that night, and hardly any at all on the Sunday night. That's one big downside to knowing the date your going to go into labour in advance, you can guarantee you aren't going to get any sleep the night before! My tummy was in knots!

I set my alarm for 6am on Monday morning, but was already wide awake. I had been told that i was booked in for 8:30am, but that i should ring just after 6 to check that they could still fit me in. The midwife i spoke to said that it was incredibly busy, there wasn't any space for me, and that i should call back after 12 to see if things had changed by then. I couldn't help but feel a little gutted about it. Id got myself so mentally prepared for it happening, and was so fed up (as i was now 12 days overdue and pretty huge) i couldn't bare the thought that it might be another day or two.

We checked our hospital bags and put everything into the car, and headed to Tesco for some last minute labour snacks and to have lunch in the cafe. We were still there at just gone 12 so i rang the hospital back. They told me to be there by 1:45. So we did our shopping and headed straight into Worksop. We went to Adams work first to pick up his phone charger, and i was given some last minute words of support from some of his work colleagues. We then headed to the hospital and had a drink in the cafe before going to meet my mum.

When we got into the labour ward they took us round to an observation bay, where i had a bed, and a couple of chairs for Adam and mum, and they pulled the curtain round. The midwife came in and strapped the monitors to me to check baby's movement and heart rate, she then left us for quite some time while they got a good reading. At about 3:40pm she came back and gave me a pessary, she said that i was still 2cm so they weren't able to break my waters straight away. The plan was then that they would leave me for 6 hours and return at 9:30pm to either break my waters (if possible) or give a second pessary and leave me a further 6 hours.

My mum gave me an amazing hand and foot massage with some special oils she had packed which really helped me to relax. I then decided i probably ought to attempt to get some sleep as we could have a long night ahead. My mum went in search for a cafe for a cup of tea while i tried to rest and Adam occupied himself playing games on the Ipad. I failed to get any sleep and they brought my tea at 5pm which was a lovely ham salad, they threw in some extra packets of biscuits and snacks to help to keep us all going through the night. Whilst my mum was out she found the main hospital restaurant and noticed that it shut at 7pm, her and Adam hadn't really had anything to eat so we decided they should try and get some tea before it shut. The midwife popped in again and checked my readings were all OK before removing the monitors. She told me i was quite welcome to leave the labour ward for a walk around, and advised us that keeping as active as possible could help move things along. We all decided to have a walk to the restaurant together.

We had a steady walk, and i was beginning to get quite uncomfortable. I felt incredibly heavy, and was very hot and thirsty. We sat in the restaurant for about 20 minutes while mum and Adam had something to eat, but i really struggled to get comfortable, i kept standing up and sitting down, and going back and forth to the toilet as i kept feeling like i needed a wee. We then decided that, although i was really uncomfortable we should try and have a long walk to get things moving. So we walked right round the outside of the hospital to get back to the labour ward. Towards the end of the walk i was beginning to have some quite painful contractions, and had to stop walking and cling onto my mum whilst breathing through them. We stopped at the car on the way back and Adam picked up my suitcase, then we headed back to the observation bay.

When we got back they strapped me to the monitor for a quick five minute check. Once that was done (at 7:20pm) i felt desperate for a wee, so i got up.. almost the second i stood up i felt a really strange 'pop' in my lower tummy and about 3 seconds later a huge gush of fluid flooded down my legs. I grabbed onto the table and shouted 'my waters have broken' to my mum and Adam. After a few seconds you could see the fluid (still gushing out) streaming across the floor. My trousers were completely drenched so we decided it was a good time to change into my nighty. I got cleaned up, and had a little bounce on my ball, still having painful contractions, but not very close together. A few minutes later i stood up and felt another gush. We looked down, and instead of the clear fluid that had been there before, it was pure blood running down my legs. Panic hit all three of us and my mum ran straight to fetch a midwife, my knees bucked and i clung, hysterical to Adam, who looked incredibly worried but still tried to console me. My mum came back within a few minutes, and the midwife said that the blood loss was completely normal. This frustrated me a little, as we had been to several anti natal classes that had told us we should take careful notice of what colour the waters were. We had been told that if they had any pink or green colour to them, we should urgently ring the labour ward as it could be a dangerous sign. I hate to imagine how we would have reacted if this had have happened at home!

Over the next hour i had a further two gushes, mainly of water but a fair amount of blood came with it. By the time the gushes had finished, my bump was literally half its original size, which made me feel allot happier about how big the baby may be.

The contractions began to get quite strong, and you could actually see my tummy tighten and change shape before the pain arrived. They strapped me back to the monitors to have a look. The contractions were showing up, but not in the 'normal' patten.

After a while of being strapped down, i became desperate to get into the bath, which the midwife said was OK. My mum went to fill the bath for me, but it was really slow and seemed to take forever, so i had another bounce on the birthing ball while i waited. I had two baths during those first couple of hours. During the second, i took the Ipad into the bathroom with me, as i had my hypnobirth tracks on it. I'd been using them for a few weeks in the run up to the birth. I found them really helpful and calming, it was just a nice gentle reminder that every pain was bringing my baby closer and that i was in control and my body was designed to do it. I got into the bath and tried to start the tracks playing, but they wouldn't work. I was so disappointed as id spent half the pregnancy thinking i would have them to help me relax. Luckily, my mum had brought some special relaxation tracks with her, they weren't birth related but they made me concentrate on being calm and focused so i found them really helpful.

The contractions became incredibly strong and painful at this point. My mum had a jug and poured water over my tummy with each contraction which made them easier to bare. I spent quite a long time in the bath, until the midwife came and asked if she could examine me again. As i got out of the bath, Adam came in and told me to stay in the bathroom for a few minutes, there was a lady screaming in the next room and he didn't want me to panic. We could still hear her with the bathroom door shut so i sat on the toilet and my mum stood in front of me and cuddled me with her hands over my ears. A couple of minutes later a midwife came in to tell us a baby girl had just been born next door. This gave me another rush of excitement and reminded me that all the pain would be so worth it.

We then went back to my bed for me to be examined again, at 00:20 i had only got to 3cm dilated! It felt like a punch in the stomach when they told me that. The pain was pretty intense by this point, so i asked when i would be able to have some pain relief. They brought me gas and air, which i used over the next few hours, although i now realise i hadn't been using it right. All it seemed to do was make me breathless, i didn't like it at all, but it gave me something to focus on, so i kept using it. After about another hour we asked whether i would be able to use the birthing pool, as i hadn't had to have my waters broken. The midwife agreed to go and fill the pool for me, and we gathered our things ready to move into the birthing suite. Once we were in there in went and sat on the toilet while they were filling the pool, my mum came in too, and let me hold on to her. Each contraction made me jump to my feet, i couldn't get into any position which made it any easier, so i just clung to my mum.

Eventually they called me to tell me the pool was ready, so i rushed out and got straight in. We dimmed the lights and continued to play the relaxation tracks. I was feeling so exhausted by this point, as it was the early hours of Tuesday morning and i hadn't slept properly since Friday night. Adam was timing my contractions, and they were only a couple of minutes apart. He stood behind me and held me up, i was nodding off between contractions. Suddenly something just seemed to happen and the pain became almost unbearable, i was gasping hard on the gas and air and moving around in the water, desperately trying to find some position which might help, but there didn't seem to be one. I felt so exhausted i decided to ask about an epidural. Knowing that at my last examination id still only been 3cm made me realise i could be in that pain for several hours. I'd been told that an epidural would completely numb all pain, so i was hoping it may allow me to get some rest before i began to push.

We decided to go ahead and arrange the epidural, as they had told me it could take some time to organize. I got out of the water and onto the bed and had a drip put into my hand. I had the epidural put in at 4:30am and by 5:30 i was 8cm while i was contracting. The epidural wasn't at all what i had expected, i could still feel contractions.. and they were still painful. I still had to use the gas and air through them too. This really began to frighten me, as i was now expecting to feel even worse pain through the pushing stage. They kept topping up my epidural and eventually it began to ease the pain (but didn't take it away altogether like i had expected).

I suddenly began to feel like i needed a wee, but was now unable to get out of bed due to the epidural. They offered me a choice of trying to use a bedpan, or having a catheter. I opted to try the bedpan. They brought it in and lifted me onto it, and it turned out i didn't need a wee after all. While i was tipped up on the bedpan, both mine and the baby's heart rate took a scary turn. It was horrible to hear Buttons heartbeat slow to almost nothing, they quickly took me off the bedpan and put me on my side, and decided to prep me for theatre. Baby's heartbeat slowed dangerously, mine went up from 78 to 183! I suddenly began to have all jewelry removed and my mum was given nail varnish remover and started quickly getting my finger and toe nails cleared and the doctor changed me from my nighty to theatre gowns. While all of this was going on the baby's heart rate improved. Suddenly i realised i was beginning to push, it wasn't something i was even in control of. Each time i had a contraction my tummy just started to push down on its own. I told the midwife, so she decided to examine me again. She said i was only 9cm and that part of my cervix was still in the way, therefore i wasn't allowed to push. I cant even describe how difficult this was, they told me to try and breath through the contractions to stop myself from pushing, but it was almost impossible. I don't know how long i was having to try not to push for, possibly about an hour, but it felt like a lifetime. It was such a relief when they told me i was finally allowed to push. At this stage, i didn't feel any pain really, just extreme exhaustion. It was the best feeling in the world to no longer have to fight what my body was naturally trying to do.

I began pushing at approximately 7am. By this point i was so exhausted i literally fell asleep between contractions as my heart rate was still incredibly high. The whole night feels like a bit of a blur. One thing that annoyed me was we had specifically asked (and put in my birth plan) that if i needed to be cut, they wouldn't tell me it was happening. I gave consent before hand and told them i didn't want to know. I just remember the midwife saying to the doctor 'Are you doing the episiotomy or am i?' .. It's as if they thought i wouldn't know what that meant! They kept telling my that they weren't going to let me push for much longer if not much progress was being made.

They said they had called a doctor to come and 'assist my delivery'. One of my biggest fears throughout the pregnancy was having to have forceps. When i saw the doctor (and practically his classroom full of students) come into the room and start explaining what they were going to do i decided I'd got to give every last drop of energy i had into getting this baby out on my own, so i pushed with everything i had. I had my mum and Adam either side of me telling me how amazing i was doing and saying that the baby was nearly out. I remember my mum telling me that Buttons had gorgeous dark hair :)

Eventually i heard those words that id been so desperate to hear for such a long time 'You've done it!' i looked down as a little body was placed onto my tummy. My tummy churned as i took in the first few sights of my button, the little body was a purple/blue colour and there was no noise. I looked at Adam and he tearfully told me we had a little girl!! After a few seconds the midwives whisked her away, they did some work on her on a little table, and held her upside down etc. She had done a poo on her way out and swallowed some of it, which made her rather poorly. I can just remember repeatedly saying 'is she OK?' , 'promise me she's OK' It was the most emotional moment of my life. Adam, my mum and I were all in tears. We'd both secretly been hoping for a little girl!

After what seemed like a lifetime, they wrapped her back up and passed her to me. Looking down at that beautiful little face was the most amazing moment of my life, and i instantly fell in love with her.

So, i can now officially, and finally announce that my beautiful little Button, Isabelle Verona Elce, was born on Tuesday 13th September 2011 at 9:42am weighing 8lb 6oz.

I cant describe the instant love we all felt for her, and its got stronger every day!

I definitely haven't been put off by the birth at all, however I've had a few problems since which have made things very difficult.

After a few hours, once i was on the maternity ward i began to have severe pain in my neck and the back of my head. It became so bad that eventually i could barely move. I was assessed several times over that evening, and the following day. On Wednesday afternoon a senior anaesthetist came to see me. He explained that while I'd had my epidural they had gone into a nerve, which had made me jump ( i remember jumping slightly), then because I'd jumped, they had gone in too far and made a hole. This was causing the severe pain in my head. He said i needed to have a procedure done in theatre to help to repair the damage. This was arranged for the following day (Thursday), but in the meantime i needed to remain laying flat.

The trip to theatre was very difficult, i wasn't put to sleep for the procedure and i had to sit up, and sit very still for the whole 45 minutes that i was in there, which was unbearably painful.

A few hours after returning from theatre things seemed to be improving, and i even managed to walk to the bathroom, but by later that evening i was in a lot of pain again. They had told me that the theatre procedure may need to be repeated a second time, but i really didn't want to have to have it done again.

Those first few days and nights were really tough emotionally as well as physically. I had this beautiful new baby girl and i could hardly do anything for her. People had to literally latch her to me for feeds and that was all i could do, i couldn't even look at her while she was feeding as i couldn't move my head, and i found this incredibly hard to deal with.

I was discharged from hospital on the Friday night. I ended up lying to the midwives and telling them i felt much better, because i couldn't bare another night of being stuck in there, away from Adam. I spent the whole weekend still unable to move, in agony. On the Sunday night things got really bad, i was feeding Isabelle, and i had to shout Adam to come and take her off of me. I fell to the floor in agony and couldn't move. My mum told Adam to ring the doctor and we ended up at A&E. They decided that along with the problem with my epidural, i had also suffered whip lash, as for the 2.5 hours I'd spent pushing, id been having my chin on my chest, then throwing my head back after every push, which had damaged the muscles in my neck. I spent the next couple of days having lots of hot baths, my mum and Abi gave me massages to try and loosen the muscles and eventually it became a lot easier.

I have to say there is no way i could have been without my mum or Adam during the birth, they were both amazing and so supportive! Adam surprised me so much, i was really worried about how he would cope during the birth and he just got on with it, he even watched Isabelle come out! (ew!). They both made me so proud and it wouldnt have been the same without either one of them!

I still have this horrible feeling in my tummy when i think about those first few days after Isabelle was born. I almost feel like I've missed the first week of my little girls life. She's two weeks old tomorrow! Its gone so fast and she's already changed so much!

I know everybody thinks this about there own child but she really is the most beautiful thing in the world to me. We've had some tough nights so far but every second i love her more and more. That little face looking up at me during her feeds is the most heart warming feeling in the world.

So we are finally a family. I've wanted this my whole life and it still hasn't quite sunk in. I still find myself waking in the night worrying about labour, and then i realise there's no need. I've done it!! And I'd do it a million times over for that little girl!!

Love love love xx

D day!! The calm before the storm!

Well, we made it! Its 2:15am and today is Buttons due date! After all the doctors, nurses and midwives that warned us to prepare for a premature delivery, there is still no sign!

I actually feel a little annoyed that because of this, i finished work so early. In actual fact i probably could have done an extra few weeks had i have known. I was, however beginning to struggle towards the end though so maybe it was for the best.

I thought id write this post to try and describe how I'm feeling now my due date has arrived, but i really don't know how to. I almost feel like I'm living in a bubble at the moment, I've got so many different emotions racing through me it almost doesn't feel real. I have felt an unusual sense of calm today, i assume its probably some natural hormone that's kicked in..

Its weird to think that i have spent the majority of my life being absolutely petrified of what i am about to do, and yet now, i am a matter of days or even hours away from it actually happening i feel the calmest i have about it in years. I guess the feeling of excitement is just taking over.

Having said that, i do keep having my little moments. I was laid in bed earlier and i went to read an app on my phone that I've been using for the whole of my pregnancy. It gives daily updates of whats happening in the little world of Button. Over the past months i have watched the countdown of days on this app, and it feels like only days ago we were beginning the countdown from 100. When i looked at it earlier, and instead of seeing a number of days remaining i saw the words 'delivery day'... it really hit me! Today is the day i have been focused on for the whole of this year, and its actually here!

I continued to read the daily update on my phone, and got into a little panic when i was reading how 'unbearable' the pain can get etc. I had a little cry and a snuggle with Adam and talked again about my fears and the sort of birth i want him to help me to achieve, and now I'm back to feeling calm again.

I'm also very over-emotional at the moment, i guess its just because i know our lives are about to change so much forever. Its so amazingly exciting, but scary at the same time. We now have the little moses basket in our (newly decorated and carpeted) bedroom! Whenever i turn over in the night and see it there next to my bed it makes me feel tearful. I've been to a couple of shops today too, and felt strangely emotional looking at the tiny clothes. All these months I've been looking at the girls, and the boys clothes and wondering which it'll be, now I'm days from finally knowing!

Whenever i do get these little panics there's always two things i want to do, the first, is to go back and read my very first blog post, or even a previous blog i used to write. It reminds me that i have spent my whole life waiting to be a mummy, and it just fills me with excitement again. The second thing is to visit my new niece. Looking at that little face just shows me exactly why i am doing this. When i had the contractions last week, i went round for a snuggle with her, and while ever i was holding her, i just concentrated on her tiny little frame and it made them seem so much less painful.

All the way through my pregnancy, Adam has been hoping that the baby will be at least a day late, so that its born in September and will therefore be the oldest in the year at school instead of the youngest. He was one of the youngest and he hated it, so its something he feels really strongly about. It is beginning to appear that he may get his wish after all! There is exactly 21.5 hours to go until September, and it doesn't feel like anythings going to be happening any time soon!

I'm booked in at the hospital tomorrow, which is something I'm a little nervous about. I have got a scan at 10:30, so they can have a look and get a rough idea of Buttons size and weight, then a consultation at 11:30 to discuss the results. This is where it will be decided whether i am going to have a Section, be induced, or just have a sweep. One of those things will definitely be happening tomorrow!

Adams coming with me, but I've asked my mum to come along to the consultation too, as an extra pair of ears and extra support. She has had medical training so will probably understand everything they tell me a lot better than i do.

I think its going to feel strange tonight, getting the car seat strapped in, and putting my hospital bag in the boot. Tomorrow morning might be the last time i leave this house before returning with my little pudding :)

I'm really quite nervous about the scan part of tomorrow. It almost feels like waiting to be hung, the fact that i am going to be told in lb and oz what size person i have got to attempt to bring into the world. I'm worried that if they tell me the baby is really big, I'll go back to feeling panicked, and lose my cool.

We nipped to Tesco's tonight, to get a few bits of food in that will last for when i get back from hospital. I saw the most gorgeous baby girl dress! Adam is under strict instructions to go straight out and buy it, ready to bring to the hospital for visiting time if Button is a girl!

So, this probably really will be the last blog post before our baby is finally here, or at least until I'm in labour (I'd like to try and do a short post during the first stage of labour if possible).

I would just like to say a big thank you to all of you out there who have followed me through this journey. I've had amazing support from so many of you. Friends, family and even total strangers sending me messages of support and advice!

I started this blog mainly just as a kind of Diary, so that Adam and I can look back over the experience, and eventually one day, share it with Button too. I never imagined that it would end up being read (and enjoyed) by so many people! I've received over 50 messages from people i don't even know, saying how they are enjoying reading it. I now have readers in over 17 different countries, which seems unreal to me!

I have to say though, if it wasn't for my friend Lizz, these memories would probably have been nothing but a few scribbled notes in a pregnancy and baby book. She's the one who inspired me to do it, as i enjoyed (and still do) reading hers so much!

So, i send my love to all of you! I know this sounds weird but i feel in a way like you've all watched me grow up! Followed me, while i start my journey into motherhood. Well, this is it! I'll see you on the other side!!

XxXxXxXxXxXx

Don't forget to bet!

One more thing, if you haven't yet made guesses about Button, click on the 'guess' label at the top of this screen and follow the link to place your bets! I would post the link again but Bloggers being awkward!

Love love love xxx

Showtime? 38+6 - 39

Well guys, i think this might be it, the moment we've been waiting for! Its so frustrating though as i cant be 100% sure. Everyone says 'you'll know when its the real thing' but I'm really struggling to decide whether it is or not. I've had braxton hicks for a while now, and they are fairly uncomfortable, but in no regular pattern. This seems completely different. I think if its not the start of labour, button is definitely making some serious moves into position ready for the big moment..

Yesterday morning (23/8/11) i woke at about 4am with bad period pains. Its funny actually, for the first time in months i completely forgot i was pregnant for a moment. I actually remember thinking 'oh great, my periods on its way, I'd better get up and get sorted'. It wasn't until i tried to get out of bed that i remembered. The tummy ache got pretty bad, but was constant, it didn't come and go. I wandered downstairs for a while and distracted myself until it had eased enough for me to attempt to get back to sleep. For the rest of the day it seemed to come and go, but wasn't majorly painful.

I'd got a nice afternoon arranged as a treat from my mum. She, my sister and I headed to a salon for some treatments. I had a lovely massage and a pedicure. Before my massage began, the woman warned me that there was a possibility it could start my labour. I consented for her to go ahead.

When we'd finished at the salon, we went back to my mums, where i was to spend the next few hours until Adam arrived to collect me. At approximately 5:30 i got a really tense tightening in my tummy, which took my breath away. It lasted a few seconds and I'd forgotten about it shortly after. Within the next half hour this had happened again a couple of times. Mum and Abi were commenting on how my bump had completely changed shape. The tightening became pretty uncomfortable, although still not really painful, i was having to concentrate on breathing through them. My mum sat next to me, and for a few hours she just rested her hand on my bump. She didn't look at me, and could tell exactly when i was tightening just by feeling.

It is now 3:15am and things are pretty much the same, I've been having these contractions approx every 4-7 minutes. They are very uncomfortable now and some are really quite painful. I'm getting pain in my back with them now too.

Its rather frustrating though, as i know that if this is the early stages of the real thing, I'm going to need all the energy i can get, but i already cant sleep through them. I am being woken up every 7 minutes ish which is driving me crazy.

My bump is now rock solid, right down the middle. Up until recently its always been more to one side, so i think Buttons definitely getting prepared.

I almost wish my waters would just break or something, just so i can know for a fact if its the real thing as i don't want to get myself all excited in case it's a false alarm.

I cant help but think that a false alarm wouldn't go on for this long though?

I am booked to see my midwife at 1:30pm later today so it will be interesting to see what she says about it all. Any comments on whether or not people think this is it would be much appreciated :)

Love Love Love, from one very excited mum to be xxx

Soooo Happy!! 38 + 4

I have some incredible news! I am buzzing so much I'm struggling to concentrate on typing! I have a new little niece in the world! My sister in law, Kelly gave birth on Thursday 18/8/11 at 10:32pm to a beautiful baby Girl, Peyton Faye Edwards, and she weighed just 7lb!

I got a text from Kelly at about 3am on Wednesday morning asking if i was awake, and of course, i was. As soon as i got this text my heart was pounding waiting to hear whether something was finally happening with her little munchkin. Kelly was have pains that were coming and going about every 10 minutes, but they weren't majorly painful to begin with. We swapped texts for a few hours, and did some google research. It sounded very much like she was in the early stages of labour. I headed back to bed at about 6am but failed to sleep as i was so excited. Kelly rang the labour ward and was told that someone could come out to examine her anytime after 9am. She was checked over at 11am and was told that she was 2-3cm dilated. I got sooo excited when i found out, as she was in pain, but it wasn't unbearable, and she seemed to have progressed quite quickly. I was convinced we would have a new niece or nephew by that afternoon/evening. In the early afternoon i was asked if I'd like to go to her house and spend some time with her for a while. I really wanted to see her, but at the same time i was really nervous about the visit. I actually expected her to be screaming in agony and climbing up the walls by this point. I really didn't want to see her in so much pain, and was worried that I'd end up freaking out about it nearly being my turn. When i got there i couldn't believe how calm it was. Kelly was laying on the sofa and her mum and partner,Craig were there with her. Everyone was just talking normally. Every now and then i saw Kelly's face and feet scrunch up and we all went quiet and allowed her to concentrate and breathe through her contractions. They seemed to get stronger and closer together in the time i was there, but there was no screaming or cursing at all.. she was amazing! She even made me giggle a couple of times, her sense of humour never went away. She had a particularly bad contraction at one point, and was making little groaning noises, then literally a split second later she looked up and said 'You've not got very far with weeding the garden Craig!'

She was very much her normal self between contractions, and so calm during them. Being there actually made me feel a whole lot better about labour. She was incredible. I spent most of the afternoon and evening with her, apart from a little break where i came home to meet Adam and do dinner. In the end, we didn't leave until 10pm when she was heading to the hospital. (After doing her hair and make up!!) Amazingly, she was still as cool as a cucumber, although clearly in a lot of pain by this point.

We got home, both very excited, expecting to be woken up with some exciting news. I didn't sleep at all, and kept checking my phone to see if there were any updates. At about 1:30am i found out that she was on her way home again, which felt heartbreaking to us, so must have been so disappointing for her!

By about 7/8am on Thursday morning she was having much stronger contractions, and a lot closer together, so they headed off back to the hospital.

I got regular updates throughout the day, and my phone was like a hot line, of people asking whether anything had happened yet and how they were getting on. Kelly was having a pretty rough time at the hospital, she had always been desperate for a water birth, and she'd been told she couldn't get in the pool, or have an epidural due to the lack of staff!! She tried Gas and Air and didn't like it, and in the end, she went 41 hours with no pain relief at all. She was, however, eventually allowed to get into the pool. At one point, a midwife told her she was 6-7cm, so things finally seemed to be progressing. However a couple of hours later i received an update saying that a new midwife had come in and said she was only 5! I was gutted for her. At this point, she'd had about 4 days of no sleep (as she hadn't managed to settle a couple of nights before labour started) and barely any food. She was literally running on empty! She was able to have the epidural by this point and was so exhausted (41 hours of labour!!!) she decided to have it.

She was then pushing for a further two hours, but the baby was in an awkward position. They tried to use forceps but it was unbearably painful for her. In the end they just needed to get the baby out, so they took her down to theatre, gave her a spinal block and used forceps again. A total of 44.5 hours of hell ended with a beautiful baby girl, who couldn't be more perfect! We are all so proud of her!

It has made me so much more excited that we have kept Buttons sex and name a surprise, as there was so much excitement in the build up to Peyton being born, waiting for the phone call to hear the news of our new little family member was a moment i will never forget.

I would actually like to say a big thank you to Kelly, for allowing me to share those hours of her labour with her. She has really inspired me to stay as strong as she did, and i know that i will be focusing on that thought when it is finally my time.

We visited them in the hospital for the first time yesterday, and i literally had to fight back the tears. A mixture of finally getting to see them as a little family, seeing how perfect she is, and knowing that will finally be us in a couple of weeks time felt so emotional. It was amazing seeing Adam with her. I've never seen him look so proud. He couldn't take his eyes off of her. It was lovely. I cant wait to see our babies together. They'll grow up being so close, and i think its lovely :)

Pregnancy-wise, not much to report really. I'm like a giant smarty, and getting more and more uncomfortable. Sleep is still a massive challenge and I'm literally always hot. Getting some amazing wriggles from Button still, which is a lovely reminder that all the discomfort is well worth it.

10 Days to go, and I've never felt so ready in my life :)

Our perfect little niece.

A little Inspiration!

Tonights post is a very special one, which is very important to me. I would like to tell you all about a fantastic little girl, Summer, who by the age of two, has already faught more battles and faced more trauma than most adults should ever face.
She is the daughter or a very good friend of mine, and she was born at just 24 weeks and 2 days gestation and weighed 1lb 2 oz (just 520g!!) . I cant even begin to imagine the worry and stress that this family must have been dealing with.

This beautiful little girl has spent a great deal of her life in hospital, and has had several operations. Despite all of this she is a wonderfully happy, peppa pig loving two year old! An inspiration to us all!

Her dad, James, is running a half marathon on the 11/9/11 to raise money for a wonderful charity 'Ickle Pickles' which helps poorly premature babies in the Nottingham City Hospital and Leeds St James' Hospital, where Summer was born.I'm sure you'll all agree this is a charity well worth digging deep for, after all, you never know when a baby is going to make an early appearance. It could happen to any one of us.
To sponsor James for this wonderful cause, please copy and paste the link below into your search box :)
Thankyou xx


http://www.justgiving.com/Summer-Grace/?targetdevice=desktop

Almost full term! 36+5

It feels so good to finally be blogging again. We moved back to our own house a couple of Saturdays ago, and have been without the internet until now. It’s good to be back, albeit slightly strange spending so much time alone. We’ve done a lot of work on the house while we’ve been away, with huge thanks to my family. It really has felt like a fresh start coming back, so many things are different. Its almost like a new house. We’ve got a really big kitchen, and I guess we’ve never really made the most of it until now. We’ve moved a few things around and it is now a Kitchen/Diner. I’ve been desperate for a long time to have a proper dining room, especially now we’re going to have a family. Its not that we haven’t had the room to have one before, we’ve got a spare couple of rooms in the house to play with, but they layout of the place just makes it difficult. Throughout my childhood meal times were always very much a family event. A time where everyone gets together around the table and talks about their day, and that’s the way I like it. I’m not a fan of meals on a tray in front of the TV, at least, not all of the time.
So we now have a decent sized kitchen, and full dining table. I’m really excited about it as Adam and I have already shared some lovely meals (and chats) at the table together. It also means we can have people around for dinner, with somewhere to seat them!
There is still plenty to do here, which is good as I always have something I can be doing. My energy levels have taken a serious dip over the past week again though. There have been a couple of days where I literally haven’t done anything, which I hate. It feels wrong to have full days without getting anything done, when there is so much to do, but my body just hasn’t allowed it. For the first few weeks of my Holiday and Maternity leave, I was going out almost every day, walking round town, shopping etc. I don’t have the energy to do that at all now. In fact, there are things that we need for which I really should be taking a trip into town, and I just don’t feel like it at all. I’ve spent every weekday at home for the past week.
One very exciting thing that has happened lately is our nursery furniture arriving. It arrived last Monday which really was a highlight of the pregnancy. I asked Adam if he would mind using a days holiday, as we didn’t know what time it was being delivered, and I knew that if it came early in the morning I would struggle to wait until 5:30 to be able to do anything with it. It arrived at 2pm. Adam was incredible and managed to carry the whole lot single handed up two flights of stairs! I knew there probably wouldn’t be a great deal I could do, as I’m useless with instructions but I wanted to be a part of it. I grabbed a giant cushion and parked myself on the floor in the corner of the nursery. It became my job to open each little packet of screws, nuts and bolts etc and arrange them ready to pass to Adam when he needed them. I took several photos during the afternoon which I thought would be nice to look back on, and to show Button when he/she is older. At the end of last week I dropped my phone ( only about 2.5 feet onto soft carpet) and it has totally broken. It may just be the screen but I cant do anything with it. I’ve been given a temporary one to use incase I go into labour but all of my photos, videos, contacts etc were saved to the phone not the SIM. So I am praying that I’ll be able to recover them once I get a new IPhone.
Once all of the furniture was assembled, we had a break to cool down. It was a red hot day and Adam was feeling very achy. I cooked us a nice meal and then we decided to go for a swim to cool us down. We didn’t do a great deal of actual swimming in the pool, we just hovered about in a corner and talked for ages. It was really nice. We decided we both wanted to try the nursery layout a different way around, and had loads of discussions on parenting, family, plans for Christmas and finances. The swimming pool is at the leisure club where we had our wedding reception, so it’s always nice for us to have a drink in there after a swim, so we continued our chat at the bar.
We didn’t leave until about 10pm, but by this point we were buzzing about the nusery again and there is no way either of us could have waited until the following evening to play about with it. Adam moved the furniture into the new layout that we’d discussed and straight away we both loved it. There is only one down side to that room. We have chosen the smallest of the spare rooms as the nursery, as Adam said it would be nice for the oldest child to be allowed to move into the bigger bedroom once baby number two comes along. The little room is the perfect size for all of the nursery furniture, but unfortunately we aren’t going to be having my nursing chair in there. It would fit, at a push, but it makes the whole room really cramped and quite awkward to get around. We have decided that the bigger bedroom will be a playroom when the child is older. For the time being we’re going to have the nursery chair in there, along with a CD player with some nice lullabies or something. We’re going to use it mainly for night feeds and as a sort of ‘stock room’. We now have quite a collection of nappies, cotton wool, and bottles of baby bath/shampoo/powder etc so we are going to keep all spare supplies in there, and just stock up when necessary.
We were up until almost 1am sorting things and finding a place for everything which was incredible- something I have always looked forward to. All it needs now are the little finishing touches, such as little pictures putting on the wall etc which I’m going to see if we can do tonight. It really does feel perfect for Button. I cant help myself from wandering in there all the time and just looking around, I turn the cot mobile on and just stand looking at all the tiny little clothes that are neatly hanging in the wardrobe. Its so hard to imagine that our very own little person will be wearing them in no more than 5 weeks time!
I’m going to talk more about what pregnancy has been like over the past couple of weeks, as quite a lot has changed recently. I will be 37 weeks pregnant in two days time, therefore I will then be classed as ‘full term’. This means that if Button arrives any time after Wednesday, He/She will no longer be classed as premature! It’s scary to think how close that is and how quickly it has come around. After being referred back to the hospital by my midwife yet again for my growth, Adam and I attended the pregnancy Assesment Unit again a week ago last Friday. This appointment left me in tears of sheer panic. During the appointment I didn’t have any scans or anything. The midwife literally told me to get on the bed, and she pressed hard on my tummy, as all of the others have done so many times before. She then took my measurements again. Every midwife that has ever measured me has said that I’m really quite difficult to measure, as my tummy muscles are so tight. This makes me wonder how accurate their measurements actually are. She said she was measuring me too big, but not as big as the previous midwife. She said “It’s just because it’s a big baby” and then left to find a doctor. This had instantly got me worried, as nobody until then had ever said that the baby was big. At my scans it had measured almost the perfect size (apart from having a slightly round tummy!) Everyone else had told me it was down to me having a lot of fluid.
About ten minutes later the doctor came in for a chat with us. She said that because the baby was ‘big’ it was difficult for them to tell whether or not I would manage a natural delivery. She said they wouldn’t be able to tell at this stage whether or not the baby’s head would even be small enough to fit right down into my pelvis. She went on to say that they wont induce me early as ‘it might not work’, and so the plan for now was to allow me to go into natural labour. She then explained that I will be monitored during labour and if the baby is too big for me to deliver naturally, the labour would be long with no progress being made, at this point the may decide to whisk me off for a Section. Everything turned to a complete blurr while she was speaking, as I was trying to digest everything she was telling me but my brain just didn’t seem able to keep up. The then said that if by the 31st (my due date) nothing had happened, they would have me in that day for a sweep. She went away and left us for about 15 minutes. I sat shaking trying to understand why they were apparently going to just wait and see how much I struggle during labour before deciding whether or not to cut me open.
When she returned, she had got two appointments for me, both on the 1st September! The first was for a growth scan, and the second for a consultation to review the scan results. I assume that if the baby hasn’t arrived by this point, and is measuring big on the scan, they will book me for a section.
Adam and I went for lunch at the hospital and I text my mum to tell her I needed a chat (and a hug). Adam could obviously tell that I was fighting back the tears, when we got into the car he held my hand and said “You’re going to be fine, you know that don’t you?” With that, I burst into floods of tears. I just couldn’t believe what the doctor had said. Why just let me spend hours in pointless labour if it might not even do anything? I’ve been scared stiff about getting a ‘normal’ sized baby out, never mind one that may even be too big to fit! He sat and cuddled me for a few minutes before setting on our way again. I rang my mum during the journey home and she managed to calm me down quite a lot. I also received a lot of reassuring texts from my friend Rosie, who (as always) just sent me a message as I needed her. She went through a very similar situation when she was having her little boy, so it was good to talk to her.
I’m still feeling very worried about the whole thing, but I’ve decided I’m not going to let it upset me too much, as the only time it has ever been mentioned that Button is ‘big’ was on this one occasion, by one midwife, who had only done the same as all the others. I’d had no growth scan to indicate baby’s size, nor had the doctor felt to get her opinion. Not that I don’t trust the midwifes skills but I’m just not going to allow myself to spend the next three weeks being frightened over something which may not even be an issue.
Button seems to get hiccups a lot at the moment, which is rather cute! I always try rubbing his/her back and talking to help them to feel better. Adams felt it a couple of times too which is lovely. Some of the movements are incredible now. The way my whole stomach changes shape, and you can see parts move all the way across is fascinating! Even the midwives joke saying ‘That baby’s having another disco!’
I’ve just thought of something reassuring as I’m writing this. If the baby was really that big, surely there would be much room for movement at all? There certainly seems to be plenty at the moment!
Some of the movements are really quite uncomfortable now, I feel things getting caught under my ribs, which is far from pleasant. I am finding now that there are only a limited number of positions I can be comfortable in, and I have to change position really regularly. I am having baths incredibly regularly now, to take the weight off and soak my muscles a bit, as they ache like mad. Also, iv got terrible eczema at the top of my bump and on my legs which drives me mad, so a soak in the bath with some special cream works wonders. In an evening, if I’m not in the bath, I tend to be bouncing about in the living room on my birthing ball. If I watch TV sitting, or laying on the sofa, im constantly wriggling around, struggling to get comfortable, whereas on the ball I’m constantly moving, which helps with my restlessness, is really comfortable and can at least be a bit of exercise!
As the weeks go by I think I’m starting to get a little paranoid about labour now. Every little pain I get ( and there are a fair few) I’m wondering whether its something important. On Saturday night I had some really strange pains. They were like a really tight stitch-like feeling at the top of my bump and round into my back. They lasted about 30 seconds and were really uncomfortable. I managed to convince myself they were real contractions, so I started timing them. They were happening every 20-25 minutes, which convinced me even more. I did lots of bouncing on my ball, and had a nice warm bath but eventually they just stopped.
Another late pregnancy symptom which I am experiencing with a vengeance is high emotions. I’ve been like it for a while now. Iv always been quite an emotional person but its unbelievable at the moment. I end up getting tearful at things on the TV that I never normally would. Last night I decided to make Adam a slightly less healthy dinner as a treat. I was making Gammon, Egg and chips which I knew he would enjoy. I had a slight disaster with the first egg I tried to fry and ended up sobbing! I got myself into the stupid mindset of ‘what kind of wife and mother am I going to be if I cant even fry an egg??’ .. Silly I know! It seems really funny now. Even half an hour later I was laughing about it but at the time it felt like the end of the world!
Everythings so exciting yet scary at the moment, my Sister in Law, Kelly is due to have her baby this Friday! I cant believe it! We are so excited to meet our new little niece or nephew, and Buttons little cousin. Its been fab to have been pregnant at the same time as her, someone to share the experience, the excitement and the groans with. I think it’ll be great to have our children so close in age, they will grow up really close which is lovely. I never really had much family nearby when I was growing up, so I think its nice that Button will have! I have also seen my dad now, for what will probably be the last time before he’s a Grandad. I cant help but wonder whether that felt as strange and emotional for him as it did me.
I cant believe how close I am to finally becoming a mummy. I have literally wanted this since before I can remember. One of my oldest memories is from when I was about 4 years old. At that age I knew that babies came from ladies, but had no idea that men had anything to do with it. That Christmas I asked Santa to ask his wife if I could have a baby as my present. I remember telling him that all the other toys should be sent to children in Africa. I just wanted my baby. On Christmas Eve that year, I laid out my dolls cot, and chose a special outfit to put them in etc. Things have been similar my whole life. I had dolls that really felt real to me as a child, and I took much better care of them than a lot of children that age would. I get little tears of happiness when I think that after all of these years of feeling like this is what I was born for, its finally about to happen. It also feels a little emotional to think that at this point, I have no idea which of these blog posts will be my last as a ‘mum to be’. Therefore I just want to say how much I have loved every single second of this experience. It has felt like I’ve done a lot of grumbling over the past few weeks, but every single ache and pain will have been well worth it. It’s certainly been a rollercoaster, but iv had so much support from people riding along with me and I cant thank them enough. I’m going to be the absolute best I can be for this little person. I’m going to teach them everything I know and give them the start in life that they deserve. I love them so much already I cant even explain it. I cant wait to hold them and kiss their little nose!
I would like to give a very important thank you to my Husband, Adam. He has absolutely been my rock throughout this pregnancy. Constantly telling me how proud he is of me and how well I’m doing, at the times when I feel like I’m really not. He’s rubbed my back, washed my hair when iv been in pain and gone to the shops at all hours to fetch anything that I’ve needed. He’s amazing. One extra special thank you to him too, as even though it was burnt to a crisp, he ate that egg anyway, just to see me smile!